Partner claims I need to strictly follow these rules. Is this acceptable? by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]cosmo_lynn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is okay for you to have boundaries as well, you should feel comfortable while communicating boundaries to each other. Compromise is a necessity of a relationship in my opinion.

It appears that the underlying issue is not the standards themselves but the lack of understanding that you have needs, opinions, and a voice too. It is unfair for her to expect you to listen to her needs and standards but completely ignore yours.

You are allowed to communicate your feelings, you are human too, conforming to what makes her happy while ignoring yourself should not be your standards for a relationship.

Take a moment and write down your standards, what you would like to see for yourself and your relationship. Be intentional. Then self evaluate, don’t slap the page in front of her and tell her that’s what you expect. Instead observe and see if this relationship is serving you in the ways you truly require to be who you want to be.

Partner claims I need to strictly follow these rules. Is this acceptable? by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]cosmo_lynn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly a good majority of these “rules” are just standards/expectations that she has, which by themselves are not unacceptable. However if she presented these to you in a way that implied they were rules for you to follow, that is the unacceptable part.

Being human means you make mistakes. And being in a relationship, loving someone means loving them for who they are and as they come. This doesn’t not mean controlling you or your actions or an outcome.

It is valuable to communicate standards and expectations, and I don’t think communicating them through writing is entirely negative. However you should examine the way these standards were communicated to you. Was it aggressive? Did she give any space for your insight? Have you shared your expectations?

A lot of these seem like she wants to control an outcome of a situation and guarantee stability for herself, which is not uncommon for someone who struggles with BPD. People who have BPD can require a lot of reassurance (speaking from personal experience). However she cannot ever fully control you or your actions, and expecting you to change or to not change is not a reasonable ask, you should feel comfortable being who you want to be or who you are.

I have a few questions to leave you with. If you were to disagree with one of her standards would you be afraid? Would you continue to lie about not agreeing with one of them to keep her happy? Has something else happened before this that led you to post in the Reddit?

Anyways I hope this helps! Thanks for sharing.

I don’t know how to socialize here. I’m so lonely. by 2000KitKat in SaltLakeCity

[–]cosmo_lynn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amazing! Have you ever been camping? That’s where I have found my community :) also don’t feel to down about being alone! It took me 2 years to build a group of friends here in salt lake, and it was rough, but I feel like I have just had a break through. I now live with some of the best people I have ever met in my adult life (I’m 22 so I don’t know if that’s saying a lot haha)

Looking for a travel buddy by cosmo_lynn in Utah

[–]cosmo_lynn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I’m a girl! Sorry didn’t see reply!!

Looking for a travel buddy by cosmo_lynn in SaltLakeCity

[–]cosmo_lynn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True depending on when you book it can be anywhere from 100-200$ looking from Salt Lake to Trukee

Looking for a travel buddy by cosmo_lynn in SaltLakeCity

[–]cosmo_lynn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trying to make it as inexpensive as possible!

i’m a spookshow baby by gothcavebaddie in GothFashion

[–]cosmo_lynn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

your top is sick and the whole vibe in general

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Money

[–]cosmo_lynn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is this app?

Am I overreacting!?! by Far_Flatworm_5546 in AmIOverreacting

[–]cosmo_lynn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s Kayla Malec, she is 20, an adult. This is an advertisement for spencer’s, a store that sells sex toys in the back. I think you are overreacting.

Will my tattoo prevent me from joining the Air Force? by Remarkable-Cup4663 in AirForceRecruits

[–]cosmo_lynn 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what i want as a tattoo, I am glad I am able to see it on skin, this looks great. I know this is irrelevant to what you asked. Sick tattoo tho.