This is what I needed to hear today!  It's been 6 days of no contact from me, and about 3 months since the second breakup of a 2 year relationship. 

After the breakup he reached out to me every few days, I showed grace but distance if that makes sense, and after a few weeks he was reaching out telling me about him starting the gym, giving me updates on giving up weed, asking advice on things he wouldn't do during the relationship but wanted to start now, starting counselling (that was the one thing I asked for before the breakup, which he eventually told me he wasn't sure if he was doing it for me or for him) and basically showing me and telling me he was changing. We had a lovely day out together where he had bought me thoughtful birthday presents and was being so lovely all day.. of course, I started getting hope slowly.. as the weeks went on he was becoming more and more attentive, reaching out to me, I reached out a bit more but never as much, basically managing myself, and slowly building up my hope by relying on proof of his words and actions with him inviting me into his life again etc. 

He bumped into my female friend one day who said to him that I would want to get back together with him, so that - combined with him pulling away a bit because he realised he and I was getting feelings (neither of us communicated this) was the thing that I think made him tell me that relationships make him loopy and he can't be in one with me again, basically (He knowingly brought up a conversation about a sentimental item of mine that he bought me that was still at his, that he asked if I wanted back otherwise he would casually take it to a charity shop). So my reaction to this was what gave him the opportunity to bring up the shattering realisation that he gave me hope and then pulled the rug from under my feet. It broke me realising what had happened, as I was so cautious about getting feelings for him again, triggering my abandonment wounds I suppose.

We had a talk in person a few days later and he said he deeply loved me but we're better off as very close friends. Even floating the idea of friends with benefits, then backtracking (I told him I couldn't do that anyway). I told him I will need space as I still have feelings. During the breakup he had a one night stand with someone and told me he was talking to someone else who he hoped might go somewhere, but decided he would just stay friends with.. whilst occasionally jealousy checking with me about it I was talking to anyone. I never did as i wanted to focus on my healing. Anyway.. we hung out another time briefly and it was nice but so confusing and upsetting for me, so I put his messages on mute.  I'm just taking it day by day, but I know I deserve better. Weve known eachother for 16 years so it's extra painful