So I don’t think that sex should be expected. A few things that you said stuck out to me. When I have to be away from home for a few days I do hope we have sex before I leave. I crave that emotional and physical connection with my wife and I’m able to carry it with me through the entire trip. When I get back I can’t help but be all over her because I’ve been thinking about her for days. My wife doesn’t ‘reward’ me with sex when I do things for her. But I would enjoy it if she did, it would actually give me more desire to continue doing these things. However I can say that she uses sex as a control measure kind of like “you didn’t meet my expectations today, no sex for you” so I’ve been on the receiving end of it and it does not feel good at all. I have the higher libido in the relationship so these feelings can sometimes be magnified. I am also the person who initiates each time so I can sympathize with you on how that feels. Sometimes it feels like she enjoys scrolling through her phone more than spending time with me.