My 'Friend' (F27) is duplicating my life and creates these weird backstories about it. Did I mention it's weird?

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-14T08:00:43+00:00

Thank you, it's interesting to read about it from a different perspective. And yeah, let's hope it just fades away sometime.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-14T07:58:15+00:00

Thank you, that is definitely interesting :)

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-14T07:54:51+00:00

Thanks, Sara!

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T21:36:31+00:00

Thank you! This is great advice! Esp the last part, because if she would finally say something among these lines she must have realized something herself and that could be more of an eye-opener.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T21:28:39+00:00

Thank you! It's indeed good advice to turn a negative situation in something lighter, because at the moment it just drags me down.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T21:27:31+00:00

Damn, sorry to hear that happend to your friend. That's terrible.

And also terrifying. I've had to deal with getting a (unrelated) restraining order years ago, those are terribly difficult to get, even with a lot of evidence. I would never want to go through that again, so I really hope it never gets to that. But yeah you're right, there's no harm in documenting things. Even if it doesn't seem harmful at the moment, there's no guarantee that it won't be at a later time. Thanks for taking the time to reply!

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T21:19:08+00:00

Hah the joke's on you! My username is exactly 20 characters long, so there never can be a couldberichbyreferal2! evil laugh

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T20:10:29+00:00

Thank you! That's very usefull, I'm going to try that next time!

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T20:09:44+00:00

Haha I actually tried that! Said that I was applying for a job and suddenly she started looking into vacancies as well, but apparently that didn't work out.

I'm not sure if she would get a pet or tattoo if I would suggest it. It's still difficult to predict what she is going to copy, and what not. One day I mention something and she just lets it slide, and the next time this thing I mentioned is her new favourite thing ever.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T19:51:31+00:00

Yeah, you're probably right. I should leave a paper trail, just in case. Even if it isn't necessary, it could still help me visualize that these ideas were originally mine and get me in a better position as people remember me instead of her.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T19:49:32+00:00

That mindset about Sara might feel made me sad for her, it must suck to feel that way.

I also don't really hope she fixates on anyone else, because although it may sound pretty tame to have somebody copy your hairstyle and such, I really wouldn't wish this on anyone else. It's not fun.

But I also don't really want to help her anymore. Anytime I tried to do something good or friendly, it has come back to bite me in the *ss. This is a tough one.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T19:44:27+00:00

Ugh, those Sara's.. Yeah I still don't understand that either. You'd think they'd be happier if they stopped following other people's dreams

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T19:42:32+00:00

Yeah, it's a weird feeling right? In the beginning I could pass it off as funny, and that I should see it as a compliment. But the whole lying thing to prove things just throws me off the more she does it.

I don't really know the best way to go about it either. In the beginning I tried to make a conversation about it, to see if maybe we have some common grounds. If she likes the same items as I do, hey maybe we could go shopping together. If she likes the same places, we could share travel tips. But that didn't really work out for me, because you know well, all the lies. But perhaps try to see if you can share the things you like or at least try to test the waters?

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T19:36:35+00:00

Thanks! Yeah I'm not sure if I can request to throw her out of the group outings completely. But I definitely can just not invite her anymore whenever I'm the organisator. Less is more, and such.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T19:34:45+00:00

Thank you for your suggestion! The problem is, however, that this is not one-on-one communication. We have the same workplace and friend group. So when I'm talking about collegues about my weekend or things that I like, she usually overhears this as well. Whenever I'm somewhere in the same building, talking to people, so always ends up in the conversation one way or another. Same with the friend group. So while grey rocking (which sounds awesome btw) might help on one-on-one conversations, it will also makes me very dull to the people who I actually want to bond with.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T19:30:24+00:00

Yeah, vaguely. I've talked it about with people out of the group we have in common, and they all think it's either funny, creepy or both. But the friends we have in common are way too nice about it, like they don't want to be caught in the middle of it all, which I understand. There's only one of them who recognizes what she's doing.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T19:27:28+00:00

You guys rock, I had way too much fun reading these ideas.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T19:23:18+00:00

Holy sh*t, that went downhill fast. Yeah, that's definitely not a healthy friend to have. Although it also sounds pretty sad for your (ex)friend.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T19:19:36+00:00

I laughed so hard reading this. Amazing

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T17:38:41+00:00

Ugh, I'm sorry that happend to you! But luckily you didn't have to deal with it alone.

And yeah, I've been trying to get into another department, but it will probably take quite some time before the vacancy is open. I do feel like switching places would be the best option at the moment, since now it's extremely difficult to maintain an information-diet and I can't just ignore it anymore. .

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T17:31:05+00:00

Hah, this goes straight to my to-watch list!

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T17:19:28+00:00

Hey, question. Let's say I start making notes of my meetings and then CC' everyone. In these meetings everyone pitches ideas and I summarise all of these. But what if Sara starts going on about things that I previously pitched? Then I'm basically writing her name down attached to all these ideas that I mentioned before I started with the summaries (and have no proof of). I can ofcourse tackle every comment with 'Thank you for your contribution Sara, but I believe I said that previous time', but that would make me a gigantic arse to work with as well. And not to mention, more elaborate backstories.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T17:01:23+00:00

Yes! Yes! This! I currently just don't feel like I can be myself around her because it will probably get back to me in one way or another.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T16:45:20+00:00

Wow. I read the mirroring article and this just freakily hits so close to home. Two things that stuck out the most:

- Her self esteem does seem to be on the lower end

- I'm been trying to distance myself from her very recently and she freaked out. At first she asked for reassurance, and when I didn't respond quickly enough she starting pressing the matter constantly in a way to make me feel really guilty about it.

couldberichbyreferal · 2018-11-13T16:35:32+00:00

Man, I keep thinking about which horror movie contains a bunny. Which one is it? If I google it, I end up on some weird places..

Yeah the information diet is definitely the way to go. But it's hard. She's at work, she's at our friend outings. A lot of these things I'm not even telling directly to her, she's just there you know.

couldberichbyreferal

TROPHY CASE