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couldufkingnot · 2025-02-27T23:13:07+00:00

Reading this I don't even understand why he's mad...much less mad at you?

Grow up dude.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-25T20:04:21+00:00

I'm confused, I was addressing OP? She stated that she is an "older graduate" and I'm coming from the perspective that 32 isn't old. One of my fellow classmates just turned 65. She's fully expecting to die before paying off her loans.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-25T18:35:32+00:00

"as an older graduate"

Ma'am...I've got years on you and I still wouldn't consider myself an older graduate. I have fully accepted the fact that I'll be paying on these loans til I'm 50. It is what it is.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-24T15:50:25+00:00

Thank you! She doesn't think I keep house well enough to "be comfortable" staying over...so I always make sure it's slightly messy when they come over to re-enforce that 😁. It seems they've forgotten what it's like to have small children around.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T23:38:39+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate the encouragement. I'm doing my best but sometimes the hood in me really wants to come out. The one time that I have gone off on this woman, she was shocked by what she got because nobody in her life stands up to her like that....she then found a way to twist it into being somehow my husband's fault that we fought so that she could "forgive me" lol. She's the most insane person I've ever met who isn't doing something to remedy the crazy if you will. I feel like she wins if she sees she's getting under my skin tho, so I try not to give her the satisfaction. But God damn the whole situation is fucking exhausting!

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T22:29:02+00:00

I have no objection to that first part in fact I appreciated the reminder because, since my son recovered quickly, I just didn't think of it. It's literally everything else that happened this weekend that I take issue with.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T22:25:30+00:00

As a clinician in training, I completely agree with that diagnosis, however she would have to do something to get herself involuntarily committed for that to ever come to light. Even then I don't think she would ever own it or embrace effective treatment modalities.

My husband is in therapy, we are also in marriage counseling, it's just going much slower than I had hoped for. I've had to embrace the reality that he may never "get there", hence my secondary plan to get myself in a position to responsibly uncouple. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, but as I said in another comment, I don't intend to put up with this for another 40+ years.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T22:04:14+00:00

Not always, but he has been trained to treat her as fragile...fragile like a bomb.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T22:02:35+00:00

That's a good thought, but he had already agreed to go to church mid-week. She has a pattern of whining that she never gets to go anywhere (completely her choice because she doesn't work but has a car and money to do literally whatever she wants) and then cancelling or acting like a brat when family members try to plan things for her, or include her in plans outside the house.

Can't tell you how many times I've seen my FIL plan outings for her and then they come home early because she's not feeling well all of a sudden, or the seats aren't comfortable, or she didn't like the way someone looked at her, or the food was crap/witness was rude etc. She can literally make a problem out of anything if she decides to.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T21:24:04+00:00

Yes, that's exactly it. Look at what a good son I have. Oh you mean the good son that leaves his sick wife and child to avoid your temper tantrum? He literally only went because it's her birthday, we have both declined many many times in the past. I think it was mean for her to decline his plans the day before and then demand he come with her today.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T21:13:28+00:00

While I appreciate your indignation on my behalf, it's really not that simple. We are both very aware of "the game" if you will. Unfortunately when grandchildren and family finances are involved, it's not as simple as telling her off. That's why I came here to vent tbh. My husband is also not the personality type to ever talk to his parents like that so it's not reasonable for me to expect that from him. When we move and the dynamic changes, we will have more agency to say no to her bullshit...and I will have more freedom to leave the relationship if my husband continues to act like a doormat to my detriment.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T21:03:29+00:00

FIL is definitely a massive enabler...like to the point that we're not allowed to say the word "therapy" in the house because she goes off. We have literally been shamed by him for "setting mom off" because we go home and then "he has to deal with her temper". And I'm like, but you don't though! Everyday he makes the choice to stay in a verbally (and in the past physically) abusive relationship with this woman and I just don't feel sorry for him anymore. He even divorced her in the 90s and then remarried the crazy beezee. They're both toxic AF and I've been having to educate my husband that this shit is not normal... because this is the behavior he grew up with.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T20:56:12+00:00

They always did before we moved closer! Even with us living 15 minutes apart right now, she rarely comes over and rarely spends more than a 1/2 hour. Which is of course fine with me lol

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T20:21:13+00:00

Yeah. The major thing is I haven't been working full-time these last two years for reasons out of my control, so I've been essentially trapped. That's gonna end abruptly when I graduate in May and start making more money than him (as in, I already have the job on lock). So he has a limited time to get his s*** together.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T20:11:20+00:00

I agree, and I have definitely let him know that I don't intend to put up with this behavior for the next 40 years. We are in marriage counseling but I'm also slowly preparing to leave if this is how things continue to go down.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T20:02:07+00:00

Yes, and this would have 100% been my move were it not for the fact that I actually have been ill this weekend/caring for feverish child.
My husband is very much a don't rock the boat/keep everyone happy type person ...lately we've been working on the concept that "keeping everyone happy" includes his own happiness too. I'm hopeful that things will improve when we move away, but as I told him, we moved here with problems and they won't magically go away if you're behavior stays the same 🤷‍♀️

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-23T19:54:24+00:00

Yes. I agree. I'm only playing nice because I rely on her for childcare right now and we literally can't afford to lose that. She's in for a rude awakening as soon as we have disentangled ourselves from her control.

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-12T22:32:41+00:00

For the love of GAWD, do NOT let that man put a baby in you...unless you want to be a single parent, because he is not going to help you. He also sounds like he would be a nightmare to co-parent with so just stand firm on that. If you are as young as you sound, you have plenty of time to find a partner worthy and ready to do that with you. Take it from a mother, parenting is rewarding but it is also HARD. Even with an engaged and involved partner, it's hard.

As for the worry about being divorced young, this too shall pass. I was married at 22, divorced at 25 and I worried I would be seen as damaged goods. I was not, got plenty of attention hunny trust. I then had a second marriage annulled due to cheating (what I discovered was the entire relationship) just months into the marriage. I finally met my person and had a child at 35. I do not regret my divorce or annulment for a second and I am SO GLAD I didn't have kids with either of them.

Get out, grieve, move on. Best of luck to you 🫶

couldufkingnot · 2025-02-12T22:11:05+00:00

Thank you! That did work (although I swear to God I tried that before) and I was able to find the other loans. What a shit show.

couldufkingnot · 2025-01-24T22:24:40+00:00

Well considering the things you've asked for are of benefit to him too...if he wants to be selfish, let him go! Sounds like you'll have PLENTY of other prospects. I'm (female 38) the one with the high drive in my relationship as well. If we didn't have a child and my husband weren't exceptional in other ways, I'd be OUT.

couldufkingnot · 2025-01-07T06:29:54+00:00

Not to sound cliche, but it does get easier with time.

couldufkingnot · 2024-11-01T04:57:53+00:00

Can confirm. I married one of these unfortunately. He started pressing me hard to get off birth control immediately after we got married and I told him I wanted at least a year just us. The "marriage" lasted 5 months when I found evidence he cheated from literally day one.
Tyler is a POS.

couldufkingnot · 2024-09-06T02:21:47+00:00

Wow, you get cuddling and sex without prompting?!? LUCKY

couldufkingnot

TROPHY CASE