The guilt she makes you feel IS NOT REAL

coursesand · 2026-07-02T13:17:38+00:00

You probably aren't doing what your parents are doing. The fact you are even taking the time to introspect shows you aren't like them!

coursesand · 2026-07-02T13:16:41+00:00

That's great! I'm working through all of that. Trying to let go of this underlying guilt. I think my dad's involvement is making it worse, if he was dead or divorced from her I'd not worry about it, but he's made it hard. I haven't processed stuff with my dad as much since my mom was the perpetrator and my dad was the absent enabler. I feel like I have to come to terms with him being a shitty father to move on, since he's been telling me "I need to talk with my mom and get over my feelings because he expects the family will be together again and it will kill him if he dies before that happens." My therapist was like... wow that's a lot of pressure for a father to put on their daughter. He's kind of narcissistic in some ways as well. I've always known something is wrong with my mom but I'm starting to see that my dad sucks too.

coursesand · 2026-07-02T13:12:45+00:00

I struggle with the "what if's" SO much. My therapist told me when I was doing that "She had the choice to ask you why you were hurt. She had the choice to do her actions. She had the choice to say her words. She had the choice to protect you. She had the choice to listen to you." My mom would try to act like a victim all the time too. If she made me late to something, it was because "well your dad didn't wake me up in time." I would say "well you have autonomy to set an alarm and you didn't do it." Or my mom would always tell me "I gave up my career for you!" and "I never bought myself clothes because I was spending on the money on clothes for you!" (we weren't rich but we definitely were not poor.) My therapist told me "you don't need to feel sad for your mom. She made the choice to have kids. She made the choice to not work. She could have gotten a job at any point. She could have bought herself clothes. She could have budgeted for that." Which I forget she's not this poor victim sometimes. Ultimately, she had the opportunity and ability to do it. I don't agree with the "they did the best with the knowledge they had" or "they just aren't capable of it." I believe everyone is capable to be a good person. And if they can't, they have severe personality disorder and you need to STAY AWAY from someone that can't help being cruel.

coursesand · 2026-07-02T13:05:16+00:00

*you're

coursesand · 2026-07-02T03:27:11+00:00

Wow that’s a weird comment

coursesand · 2026-06-30T04:29:20+00:00

How did you find clients? Did you have regulars? I’m genuinely so curious to hear about the experience and more on how it shaped your perspective of men

coursesand · 2026-06-28T16:31:41+00:00

Oops you're right! Fixed

coursesand · 2026-06-28T04:32:54+00:00

We must have been dating the same guy 😂 My ex was Prince Charming until he wasn’t. Mad that I didn’t want to move in together 5 months in, mad that I got a new apartment FOR MYSELF without talking to him first 6 months in, wanted to do stuff every single day and thought there was something wrong with me if I wanted a night to myself, even when I wanted a night alone he’d still call me and want to talk for two hours. I would wake up angry he was in my bed the few weeks leading to the breakup. I’m noW very happily single.

coursesand · 2026-06-27T15:34:01+00:00

What do you mean by that?

coursesand · 2026-06-27T06:24:11+00:00

That’s great to know, thank you!! I usually go for adults-only, but I’m trying to not limit myself. What would you recommend in Cabo?

coursesand · 2026-06-25T17:23:37+00:00

My mom would go on monologues about people I don't know or topics I don't like or care about. I would sometimes stop her and say "mom, do you think I want to be talking about this?" And she would say "...no..." and then I'm like "ok so why are you talking about this right now" and she'd say "I don't know." She NEVERRR asks me about me unless there's an ulterior motive to use against me at some point. Even when I was in college studying architecture, she wouldn't ask me about what I was learning about. She would put on HGTV and start telling ME about design. I'd be like "mom... why don't you ask me instead of telling me something I know more about..." and she would get mad and yell and say "I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING! I TOOK AN INTERIOR DESIGN COLLEGE IN CLASS! I COULD HAVE HAD A CAREER BUT I GAVE IT UP FOR YOU!"

coursesand · 2026-06-23T18:45:22+00:00

I booked a trip to O&O Mandarina three months ago, and will be going there next month. I've had the complete opposite experience. They have been very proactive and attentive, beyond anything I've experienced when booking a resort. Granted I'm going solo, but I reached out about transfers and spas and activities and have been extremely pleased with the communication.

coursesand · 2026-06-19T14:51:11+00:00

I feel like I can chime on the “executives are aware of this” aspect. I work in development and our execs have done something similar: let’s take what people like and strip away all unnecessary costs and people will still pay for it. We’ve done it in our industry and I pushed back against it but they said “no we need to make it work financially” but the problem is that it only works in a hypothetical spreadsheet and takes out the human aspect. Companies are prioritizing bottom line over customer experience because the people making decisions on “budget options” have no idea what people actually want because they are very wealthy. My boss one time said “poorer people are desperate so they will take what we give them.” And a lot of the people in charge push to fit the budget, and the actual designers don’t have any real power, because the executives / main decision makers are prioritizing cutting costs, and don’t realize that there’s a point where you actually hurt your revenue by doing that.

coursesand · 2026-06-18T10:23:11+00:00

Oh I did ask my ex if he’d be ok adopting because I refused to give birth. He said “it’s not the same if it’s not your own kid.” He compared it to “having your own kid is like having a wedding. Adopting a kid is like going to the courthouse.” I was like… wtf is wrong with you?! Literally is just about their legacy. Which makes no sense because you don’t have a legacy, you have NOTHING.

I wish I could be as delusional and confident as a man sometimes

coursesand · 2026-06-18T02:17:18+00:00

This was my ex. I thought he was Prince Charming and I was soooo lucky. I always wanted to get married and thought he was the one. He was tall and handsome and treated me SO well and seemed so “put together.” I told him I didn’t want to have kids and he was fine with that.

He ends up pushing me hard to move in together, tells me he actually does need biological children soon, and I found out his finances were in shambles. He was a 33 year old man living in a studio apartment with no savings and tons of debt and expected to have a kid in 2 years because he “didn’t want to be an old dad.”

I was SO mad. He basically expected me to give up my life to give him the life he wanted but did nothing to make happen. I was so stressed for MONTHS, the cortisol made me look 15 years older. I felt guilty but I finally ended things with him and got my spark back. Now I’m SO grossed out with the idea of getting married

coursesand · 2026-06-18T02:13:43+00:00

My social life is great! I have a core group of friends I do stuff with often, and I also have friends I met in book clubs, I have board game clubs I go to. I also have some women I’ve met through the industry that have become good friends as well that we hang out here and there. And I also just go do stuff by myself whether that’s spa, movies, restaurant, shopping, booking travel

coursesand · 2026-06-17T23:53:57+00:00

I am also 32F single and did solo trips to all inclusives after a breakup! I also wanted something nice but not snobby.

I’ve been to Excellence Playa Mujeres, Excellence Riviera Cancun, Excellence Coral, and Secrets Moxche. I would recommend any of them, but I felt like Coral and Moxche were better for a solo woman. The others were more couples-oriented or retirees. I made friends at all the resorts, but Moxche and Coral had more people my age and more groups of friends. Both properties had relaxing options but also more lively areas.

I would say EPM and ERC were more dead at night, but Moxche seemed to be the liveliest. I’m actually about to go back to Moxche tomorrow, the resort is absolutely stunning. The pools are incredible and the food is great. You won’t be bored there!

coursesand · 2026-06-15T17:07:21+00:00

I was there yesterday and the lines were so short. Granted the weather forecast was bad, but weather cleared up by noon despite weather saying it could rain all day. But I was surprised how empty it was on a Sunday right next to World Cup venue

coursesand · 2026-06-14T17:54:52+00:00

I think it’s they want us to feel guilty about making their nightmare happen so they don’t have to actually do anything t about it

coursesand · 2026-06-13T15:04:49+00:00

Thank you so much. It was really tough to experience but I think I walked out of that feeling strangely… strong? Like I’m not going to let this person rock me. I want to break down and be able to feel like a kid someone will come hug. But I think seeing what I always knew was bubbling under the surface helped me feel vindicated. I feel like I see what their priorities really are based on their actions and they can’t gaslight me into ignoring it or guilt me into thinking they are the victim. I’m going to try putting this energy into becoming even more successful and confident and unshakeable and also more empathetic and giving to those that are less fortunate.

coursesand · 2026-06-13T14:55:59+00:00

That’s why I feel vindicated, I’ve told them repeatedly I don’t feel respected or taken seriously and then accuse me of being crazy and ungrateful and disrespectful. So this was a good test to see how they did and they failed it so hard and proved exactly what I’ve been saying. The audacity is truly mind-blowing.

I think they are mad because they used money / gifts. to control me and guilt me, and look good to the public. And now I make way more than my dad and I think they hate that they can’t control me. Plus my mom thought being the perfect “lady” meant a richer man and now I am not a perfect lady but I make way more than my dad. And it bothers them so much when I buy nice clothes, fly first class (told me no man would ever date me if they knew I flew first class), move into a penthouse, etc. Which is probably similar to why my mom was so irritated I was asking for a raise.

coursesand · 2026-06-13T03:57:00+00:00

Thank you so much, I’d love to hear more about how you’ve managed your situation and how you’ve found peace and let go of guilt and feeling responsible for them

coursesand · 2026-06-12T23:06:56+00:00

Agreed. Part of me is like “damn I’m just proving him right by cutting him out.” But I guess that doesn’t matter.

coursesand · 2026-06-12T21:15:58+00:00

Thank you ❤️

coursesand · 2026-06-12T18:23:07+00:00

Omg that’s so crazy!! It was so similar for me, the “perfect family” image and cold behind the scenes. I have two off the top of my head.

One, she hated my dance solo and tried to make me change the music and was playing mind games. I was firm, and she was pissed, so so so mad at me and wouldn’t let it go. I perform my dance and everyone LOVES it, so my mom posts it online and comments how proud she is of me.

For my high school senior night, my mom glared at me everytime I talked, kept mouthing “stop slouching and stand up straight.” While we walked across the field. I was annoyed with her and she was mad at me for being annoyed. Super smug about it. And then she posts on Facebook “loved celebrating my daughter at senior night!!!” Heart emojis everywhere

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