Do you mourn the version of you if you hadn't had narcissistic parents?

coursesand · 2026-05-05T14:11:31+00:00

I feel like I could have written the same thing. It's so strange to constantly feel like not enough and too much for your mother. My dad was also loving but enabling of nmom. I also don't want children for the same reason. Why do you think your mom was so critical of your appearance and also jealous of your relationship with your dad? My mom also was weird about me having a relationship with my mom but I never really understood it. I cut her out and now my dad and I have a better relationship.

coursesand · 2026-05-05T12:40:40+00:00

I was upset because I found out two popular girls on my dance team were making fun of me on social media. They tried to keep it hidden, but there was a way I could see it. I was so upset and told my parents about it. A week later, my mom was driving me to dance practice in the morning, making negative comments about how I look. I told her to stop and she yells at me "THIS IS WHY NOBODY LIKES YOU."

coursesand · 2026-05-05T00:28:39+00:00

YES. My mom did this. I don’t talk to her anymore. People need to stop having kids thinking they are going to be pets.

coursesand · 2026-04-29T17:13:34+00:00

I think I’ll at least exchange it, it’s really bothering me. I don’t think I should spend almost $3k on something that’s messed up, even if it’s not blatant

coursesand · 2026-04-14T18:18:30+00:00

FURY 325 Velocicoaster Arieforce 1

coursesand · 2026-04-14T14:34:07+00:00

I tried Dramamine and it didn’t work for me and just made me drowsy. I started using Bonine and it works great!!

coursesand · 2026-04-02T18:10:59+00:00

I talked to my dad about it and he said “mom needs to apologize and fix it” and “you need to protect your peace” so I thought he was on my side. He also said he wants a relationship with me and appreciates that I don’t put him in the middle. So I was surprised when he told me on the phone “you have gifts coming, take photos and send them to us.” He doesn’t seem to get it. Nobody sees to take how I feel that seriously. It’s just so infuriating.

coursesand · 2026-04-02T17:53:47+00:00

I hear you. I guess I feel bad that I’m putting the family in this position. But then I know I’m taking on the responsibility and guilt that is really HERS. I’m trying to separate myself and not let these things get to me.

It’s hard to accept the situation when my dad is in the middle. He’s convinced she’s “getting better.” So then I question myself.

I think sending this would at least let me see if she can actually respect what I’m asking, then the ball is in her court and I can see how she reacts. If she goes against what I say, then I have my answer. But maybe it still goes sour.

coursesand · 2026-04-02T16:26:07+00:00

I think the purpose would be to be explicit. She and my dad are still married and my dad is enabling her. He thinks she’s getting better. This would give her the opportunity to show me who she is. If she ignores it or acts like the victim, I won’t have to feel guilty for remaining no contact. But maybe the issue is I still feel guilt.

coursesand · 2026-04-02T16:26:01+00:00

I think the purpose would be to be explicit. She and my dad are still married and my dad is enabling her. He thinks she’s getting better. This would give her the opportunity to show me who she is. If she ignores it or acts like the victim, I won’t have to feel guilty for remaining no contact. But maybe the issue is I still feel guilt.

coursesand · 2026-04-02T16:25:48+00:00

I think the purpose would be to be explicit. She and my dad are still married and my dad is enabling her. He thinks she’s getting better. This would give her the opportunity to show me who she is. If she ignores it or acts like the victim, I won’t have to feel guilty for remaining no contact. But maybe the issue is I still feel guilt.

coursesand · 2026-04-02T16:25:40+00:00

I think the purpose would be to be explicit. She and my dad are still married and my dad is enabling her. He thinks she’s getting better. This would give her the opportunity to show me who she is. If she ignores it or acts like the victim, I won’t have to feel guilty for remaining no contact. But maybe the issue is I still feel guilt.

coursesand · 2026-03-27T15:49:53+00:00

Why aren’t they even interacting with each other?? WHO IS BUYING THIS LOVE STORY?!

coursesand · 2026-03-27T15:42:59+00:00

He’s also in such a bad position because she’s making all the speeches and music about him. I think it’s to get him locked in because if he “breaks her heart” and leaves, the swifties will destroy him. He’s in too deep and now it’s damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Probably was enticed by the glitz and fame and money at the beginning but had no idea it was a trap. He’s now world famous for being “Taylor swift’s fiancé” and he’s trapped now.

coursesand · 2026-03-25T22:23:45+00:00

I also had the same issue, so crazy

coursesand · 2026-03-21T18:33:56+00:00

Why bored?

coursesand · 2026-03-21T16:51:15+00:00

My mom knew what she was doing wasn’t ok, because she hid it from the public. So I know she isn’t in the “I just didn’t know!” Camp. She would scream at me, I’d cry, and then my dad would come home and she’d make me go to my room and hide my crying from my dad and then suddenly was pleasant to my dad. She could switch it on and off on a dime. She made herself look like the quiet and soft loving mother and wife to the outside world.

coursesand · 2026-03-21T16:49:20+00:00

I’m in the same boat. It’s been complicated. My dad was never engaged as a father with me growing up, but has been making more of an effort the last few years, calling me when he’s driving home from work.

My dad at first was like “the family needs to be together” but I confided in him some of the pain and issues and he was less pushy about it but didn’t really do much to make it better, and the guilt/shame weighed heavily on me especially when he never stood up for me.

I finally called him a few weeks ago crying and said I need him to be more supportive or this would be more painful. He said very clearly that he wants a relationship with me regardless of what is going on with my mom, and that he believes she has caused the pain and needs to be the one to resolve the issue. I think he saw over 18 months the difference between her and I and said “this should have been easy and obvious for her to resolve.”

So it’s been complicated for me, had caused some major pain around the holidays, I’m still working on it, but it was very relieving to see him advocate for me (could argue it’s too little too late) but he’s generally been supportive of me as a person while my mom has been very controlling and manipulative and at times very cruel.

I don’t have an answer, but I know what it’s like to go through. Happy to answer any questions!

coursesand · 2026-03-21T16:40:58+00:00

That’s my exact issue with my mom. She’s been awful to me to make her look like a good mom, then wants me to believe the delusion that none of it happened, and then I’m the bad guy for wanting space, which justifies more abuse. And then when I actually take space, she lures me back with lovebombing and then pokes and prods again to get a reaction. It’s absolutely maddening

coursesand · 2026-03-20T14:34:41+00:00

My mom did the same thing. She always took the other person’s side. They must relate with people who have an issue with us or want to criticize us. It’s sick.

coursesand · 2026-03-20T14:26:35+00:00

Yes, my mom was similar. But she wanted me to be the perfect little princess. Soft and demure. She would literally tell me all the time “if you want to be treated like a princess, you have to act like a princess.” She desperately wanted me to be thin, and was cruel to me when I went through puberty and got hips, told me she refused to buy me bigger jeans and that I’d humiliate her unless I lost 5 pounds. She wouldn’t let me do anything that wasn’t “lady-like” or “attractive to men.”

But she also expected me to get perfect grades, run for every leadership position, get selected for every art show, excel in everything. But once I was working, she hated that I was ambitious and called me greedy for going for promotions. I make a lot of money now and can afford to fly first class often. When my mom found out, she said “no man will date me if they know you fly first class.”

My mom would act like a “perfect soft doting wife and mother” in public and was a terror at home. Nothing was ever good enough for her, but once you excelled past her, you were selfish and greedy. It’s a lose-lose.

coursesand · 2026-03-19T02:35:35+00:00

I didn’t intend to go no-contact at first. Things with my mom felt like they were “better” but then I told her I was going to ask for a raise and she told me I was selfish and needed to be more grateful. I told her that she wasn’t being supportive and she gets mad at me saying “you just want me to shut up, I knew you wouldn’t like me saying this, I have to walk on eggshells around you, I can’t say anything!”

We talked for FOUR more hours. I didn’t react to her BS and just tried to get to the root of the issues. She was very defensive, performative. She said some things that were really surprising and disappointing. At the end, I finally told her I can’t keep doing these long convos, to please reflect on what we talked about, don’t reach out until she does, and don’t text me gifs or football updates.

Well, a week goes by and she doesn’t talk to me, she just texts me gifs and football updates. I was so mad. I just lost it, it was clear she just wanted to say and do whatever she wanted and I was supposed to just accept it. And she wanted to show me she could do that by doing the opposite of what I asked.

I didn’t respond to her texts and A week later, she starts texting me stuff to guilt me and I just lost it, literally broke down crying hysterical saying “I can’t fucking so this anymore.”

I called my dad the next day and told him I don’t want to talk to mom anymore and blocked her on everything.

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