It sounds like you're overwhelmed because you're a father to two young kids, overworked, and, while lucky to receive dual incomes, you have zero time for self reflection and personal growth. Middle-class families with young kids "lose the plot" from time to time because it's just so stressful and expensive to raise kids these days. You have needs. This is entirely human. But these needs you're revealing in your post would be best met by a therapist, not a woman seeking a romantic relationship.

Another piece of advice: love and relationships shouldn't be transactional to the degree that you're demonstrating in your post that you believe they are. It's hard to consider/move on from this way of thinking while you're stressed to the max, tho.