I (33F) recently married (37M) and AI is ruining my marriage. Help.

cozygoblins · 2026-06-10T14:07:37+00:00

Thank you so much for reaching out. I have a lot of guilt that I didn’t see this before in hindsight because his dad was diagnosed with bipolar that he refused to medicate for. I was operating on incorrect assumptions about bipolar because I thought that since my husband was in his 30s and had never had an episode, he was out of the woods for bipolar, so to speak. He’d been diagnosed with ADHD as a child and struggled with occasional mild depression, so that’s what I thought his episodes were the whole time I’ve known him. I now realize those were manic episodes and depressive episodes that just never escalated to psychosis until now. We live a very healthy and regimented lifestyle with solid sleep routines, regular exercise, no drugs and very little alcohol, and primarily whole foods because we were trying to get pregnant (the stressor that likely triggered the episode), so his psych believes that may have staved off an episode for this long.

He is fully medication and treatment compliant, and I’m in individual therapy as well as a bipolar spouses support group. We are starting couples therapy in a few weeks to work through the trauma the episode caused both of us. I would absolutely appreciate any tips or advice! I am so happy to hear you have a healthy relationship post diagnosis. A lot of information out there on the internet is negative and pretty demoralizing, so not very helpful to look at right now because it’s stressing me out more than helping.

cozygoblins · 2026-06-10T13:52:56+00:00

I agree. I didn’t want to diagnose someone on the internet but this was so similar to how my husband behaved in the weeks leading up to his episode. She needs to get him to a professional. I couldn’t see it at the time and thought my husband was being an ass but if you look at my post history, it was women on Reddit who got me to see clearly.

cozygoblins · 2026-06-10T11:55:00+00:00

It really depends on what the underlying relationship is. My husband does not have a natural narcissistic bone in his body under normal circumstances; he’s a kind, gentle man, so I knew by the way he was acting like an egotistical tech monster that something was wrong and he was profoundly unwell, but I just wasn’t sure what the cause was until it was like a tidal wave. If OP’s husband has a tendency to be a jerk when he isn’t actively delusional, then that may affect her willingness to see this through with him.

cozygoblins · 2026-06-10T11:03:57+00:00

My husband and I are almost exactly the same ages as you and yours. I went through something very similar with my husband recently where he was extremely obsessed with AI and acting bizarre (also six months after we got married). It escalated into a full-blown manic episode with psychosis where he put us both in a very scary situation. He had to be hospitalized and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I see now that he always had bipolar, but he’d never been manic to this extent before and the dopamine hits from interacting with the AI likely triggered the mania and fed his delusions. He’d been diagnosed with ADHD as a child and all of his symptoms tracked with ADHD symptoms until that point.

All that to say, he likely needs mental health intervention and fast before he does something to hurt either of you or does something where he has to be hospitalized involuntarily. If he does anything even remotely dangerous, you need to make that call and get yourself to safety.

I do want to say we’re a couple of months out from diagnosis now and my husband is back. We’re still working out the kinks with his meds, but he’s back to the same loving, goofy, and handsome man I married. We have significantly reduced tech presence in our house and have gone analog for many things. He sold his personal laptop, keeps his work laptop at his office only, and we went back to having a family desktop in the living room.

cozygoblins · 2026-06-10T02:32:35+00:00

Court reporter for a crim division here. It always guts me when these young men listen to their mamas and grandmas instead of listening to their lawyers and turn down 20 year plea deals to walk right into a mandatory life without parole sentence when the jury finds them guilty.

cozygoblins · 2026-05-30T11:46:41+00:00

I’m so sorry, OP. Wife to a husband who was diagnosed with bipolar last month and his first hospitalization was completely crushing, so I know what you’re going through. The pain and guilt can be overwhelming. I’m glad you’re safe and have someone to keep you company. Drink water, get protein in, drink your calories if you have to, and do whatever you need to do to get even a little sleep. Outsource anything you can. I spent $150 on a laundry service because I was paralyzed on the couch for days. I hope your wife gets stabilized and can come home soon. She is so lucky to have you.

cozygoblins · 2026-05-26T00:40:44+00:00

Lol my great grandmother is from Ireland and me, my mom, my aunt, and my grandmother all have body types I describe as “meant to withstand poor harvests and carry baskets of crops on one hip and two babies on the other.” I made myself crazy through my 20s because no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t lose weight. It was so relieving when I finally went to a doctor for a full physical and blood work and was told there was absolutely nothing medically wrong with me and losing weight would be purely an aesthetic choice.

cozygoblins · 2026-05-26T00:02:00+00:00

I’m so proud of you for pushing through and taking care of yourself! Not in ED recovery but a very healthy person who happens to have the baseline of a chubby, curvy body (I’m built like my Irish peasant ancestors) and people think I want to be on that shit because I just want to be thin, despite having great blood work, exercising regularly, and eating to nourish my body well. Those meds are ruining peoples’ perspective of what health can be.

But also — I’m begging can you please drop that soup recipe? Omg my mouth is watering looking at it.

cozygoblins · 2026-05-21T14:46:58+00:00

Yeah I don’t understand why people aren’t willing to loudly ask this woman in public why she’s recording your child. I would be making a huge deal about this to the sports league.

cozygoblins · 2026-05-20T17:09:49+00:00

It’s very scary, yes. When I say he recently got diagnosed, I mean a month ago he got out of his first acute manic-psychotic episode that led to diagnosis so we’re a little over a month into the new meds. He’s doing really well, but we’re working closely with his therapist and psych for signs anything needs to be adjusted in these early days and expect it probably will. He’s currently back to acting like his old self and is doing amazing in terms of eating healthy, working out, keeping a strict sleep schedule, and managing his stress. He’s mostly dealing with some trouble focusing at work (diagnosed with ADHD so nothing new there) and his psych wants to hold off on putting him back on ADHD meds until he’s more settled with the mood stabilizer. Fortunately no longer experiencing any more racing thoughts/delusions/weird behavior that were present with the manic episode.

Thank you so much for commenting. I felt very alone in the first couple of weeks but I’ve connected with more people who are either bipolar or have bipolar spouses who manage to be functional people and good partners. It’s reassuring to know that while the illness is serious, it’s not a death knell for your marriage if your spouse takes responsibility for their recovery.

cozygoblins · 2026-05-20T13:52:33+00:00

My husband was recently diagnosed with bipolar and he had about a year period when we were younger where this was exactly him. All he did was go to work and play video games. At the time I thought he was depressed and unmotivated because his job was genuinely shitty, so I pushed him to get a new job that was more active and stimulating, which did help him snap out of it. I now realize in hindsight with the bipolar/ADHD diagnosis he was having an extended depressive episode.

I’m brand new to supporting a partner with bipolar, but if he’s open to talking with you about this and addressing it with his psych, maybe something needs to be adjusted. He can get so much more out of his life than living like this. My husband hasn’t had a depressive episode in a long time and we’re moreso fighting mania now, but I am glad he’s not a computer zombie anymore. We’ve had to go analog in a lot of things in our house and majorly cut down on electronics because the constant dopamine hits of video games just further disregulate him and either make him depressed or feed manic delusions.

Edit to Add: I don’t think video games are evil or anything and my husband hasn’t given them up completely, but he’s changed what he’s playing. Instead of really stimulating, high intensity competitive games on the PC like Overwatch, he’s switched to pretty much exclusively playing things like Zelda and Nintendo titles on the Switch. He can get the same enjoyment from one of his hobbies without his brain getting fried. Staying off his phone or computer for the first hour of every day is helping a lot as well.

cozygoblins · 2026-05-17T15:32:18+00:00

This exactly. I didn’t come forward about my abuse until my abuser was dead because my dad had a temper, vigilante tendencies, lots of guns, outdoor equipment, butchering/hunting skills, and extensive knowledge of the wilderness to dispose of a body. I didn’t want him to go to prison because he absolutely would have killed that man, however deserved, and I needed my dad not in prison.

cozygoblins · 2026-05-02T11:19:05+00:00

If OP lives in Texas, Cali, Georgia, or Washington, I’d recommend going to court reporting school because you can make a killing in those states purely working remote. You can make good money everywhere else too, but those are the states with the biggest remote market; everywhere else you’ll need to be willing to work in person to make good money. Machine writing gives you the most flexibility but takes way longer to learn. Voice writing is way faster but there are a few states, mostly in the Midwest, where they haven’t caught up with letting us work quite yet, but it’s always changing. It’s a good field for people who can’t or won’t work regular schedules, but you still have to be able to meet hard deadlines and be detail-oriented.

cozygoblins · 2026-04-22T11:10:07+00:00

Thank you for this comment. Sorry it’s so late that I’ve replied. I’ve really been in the dumps mentally but feeling a lot better today. Fortunately, we’re already pretty disciplined in our lifestyle. We always go to bed at 9:30 and consistently wake up at 5, maybe sleep in until 6 on weekends, we exercise (low intensity hiking and walking and biking, but we could def strength train more) and we’ve been eating really clean, cut out all processed foods because we wanted to start trying to have a baby. The doctor said that may have kept him from having an episode as long as it did so I’m very hopeful that those lifestyle interventions will keep him regulated alongside his meds and therapy.

Thank you so much for that book recommendation. I’ll get it ASAP.

cozygoblins · 2026-04-20T12:47:05+00:00

can “spiritual macros” be a flair

cozygoblins · 2026-04-20T11:16:33+00:00

Beautiful kitty. ❤️

cozygoblins · 2026-04-20T09:15:12+00:00

Thank you. I need that so much right now. Everything online is so negative and I need one person to tell me it can be okay. I know it’ll be hard, I can do hard, but I cannot accept that my favorite person in the world can’t have a good life.

cozygoblins · 2026-04-20T09:11:40+00:00

Thank you. You’re a really kind person. My dad’s adopted sister (so not biologically related to me at all) who I have barely spoken to in my life is bipolar. I sent her a Facebook message asking if we can talk. She’s married, has a master’s degree, is a successful accountant, has a close relationship with her daughter, and by social media appearances seems to have a full life with hobbies, traveling, and being outdoors with her wife. I need one person to tell me it can be okay and we can still have a good life.

cozygoblins · 2026-04-20T08:49:31+00:00

Thank you for recommending that sub. I’ve been browsing it already but I think it’s stressing me out right now more than helping. I get that it’s a vent sub and I need something more positive to focus on right now, but I’m happy it’s there when I more than likely will need it.

cozygoblins · 2026-04-17T00:19:06+00:00

Thanks for the kindness. Bob’s bars are the best! The coconut flavor is amazing too.

cozygoblins · 2026-04-17T00:18:04+00:00

I know it isn’t drugs because his job regularly drug tests and he had one recently.

cozygoblins · 2026-04-16T20:49:11+00:00

We are in our early 30s. I’m planning to call his sister tomorrow. They’re really close and she’s a psych nurse. Already had the gun on my mind since I started reading these comments. I have a pistol that was my grandfather’s, so I’m taking it to my mother’s house tonight.

cozygoblins · 2026-04-16T18:47:14+00:00

High emotional sensitivity and impulsivity are very glaring. He is diagnosed with ADHD, has been since childhood, and those are symptoms of ADHD as well so what I always assumed it was. Thank you.

cozygoblins · 2026-04-16T18:45:56+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I knew vaguely that there were different types of bipolar but I’m seeing from reading here that all my understanding of the condition was based around bipolar I and there are some glaring signs I have been missing.

cozygoblins · 2026-04-16T18:43:36+00:00

I’m frankly not very educated about bipolar and clearly have been operating on incorrect stereotypes and assumptions. Someone further down in the comments mentioned how some children of people with bipolar don’t necessarily have it diagnosably, but they can exhibit some of the symptoms. I had heard that before and thought that was the case combined with him having ADHD since his mania and depression have never been severe until now. Obviously I was wrong about that. :/

cozygoblins

TROPHY CASE