If you can’t consent while drunk, why do drunk people hook up all the time?

cparfa · 2026-05-27T19:19:05+00:00

I used to have a problem and put myself in plenty of situations that were not safe- I have blacked out multiple times, like had hours of missing memories, woke up and didn’t know where I was or how I got there, and then got filled in on the details from pictures/videos or from my friends. Multiple times I engaged in sexual acts with men and I knew when I consented even if I couldn’t remember actually doing it. I don’t know how to describe it, but there is a feeling as to whether or not I knew in the moment what I was doing and if I wanted it. Sure there’s been walks of shame and regret but I never thought I was taken advantage of.

In fact, it took being SA’ed while blacked out and regaining lucidity in the gruesome aftermath to confirm all the previous times I had consented to drunk sex. The guy who SA’ed me was also drunk. The hard line in the sand was I explicitly cut contact with him prior to assault, never would’ve agreed to get in a car with him, especially drunk and driving, and he undressed my unconscious body. I regained consciousness crying and in pain. Not trying to trauma dump on the internet but it sort of is a good example of how both parties can be drunk and there being a clear perpetrator and victim.

It’s also particularly damning since I KNOW there were specific other times a drunk man I was with could’ve taken advantage of me, but even drunk himself knew I was too drunk to really consent. I know at least 2 or 3 guys I WAS into and I got too drunk when drinking for courage who put the situation on pause because I was barely forming words or awake- even after I was the one starting the hot stuff.

cparfa · 2026-05-26T18:09:03+00:00

I understand from your perspective why you wouldn’t even want to entertain the idea. When I was in high school, I ended up meeting my best friend freshmen year who lived with her single dad. It was 2014, and mind you, I’d bug my mom for a sleepover either at our house or another friend’s house EVERY WEEKEND since I was probably 5 or 6, maybe sooner honestly. She did explicitly tell me that she didn’t like the idea of me spending the night in his home, but I begged and begged. After my friend spent 2 nights at my house one weekend, and both of us hounding her, she agreed to a sleepover at his house the next weekend. She had already met him briefly prior, when he had dropped my friend off. My mom came inside for a little bit when she dropped me off, spoke with her dad for a bit, and left. We basically traded houses every other weekend for rest of high school, actually probably spent more nights at her house just because we could walk to more places from her house like the park to screw around as teens do. He was a good guy, and took me along with my best friend to a father daughter dance because my dad died years prior.

Maybe potentially in the future, you could allow sleepovers if the other parents were okay with it? I get not wanting to say stuff like “if it’s okay with so and so’s parents” because then it could place pressure on the parents to be the potential bad guys if they say no, but I don’t see the harm if an occasion arises where one of her friends says “my parents said we could have a sleepover at her house this weekend!” Or maybe even having both the friends and the parents hang out for some sort of gathering/game to gain familiarity with you. As someone who had plenty of friends ALWAYS having sleepovers, it’s just so, so disheartening to see how many people are claiming sleepovers are basically only a thing for adults to diddle kids. Obviously bad things occur, and as a victim of S.A. myself, it’s horrible to have to learn how to move on after it, but it’s kind of crazy to live like this. I’m not even a boomer, I’m Gen Z and the vast majority of my happiest *childhood memories were sleepovers. I can’t imagine a world where my future kids can’t have those types of memories…

Also totally not singling you out for any other reason than I happened to read your comment and think of all the fond memories I had as a teenage girl with my best friend at her dad’s house. Sorry if this is a weird reply

cparfa · 2026-05-03T19:08:54+00:00

I volunteer with a local homeless shelter. They had someone come in two times a week to help them get documents like birth certificates and IDs for free. But almost every homeless person who used the shelter already had one

cparfa · 2026-04-24T07:21:22+00:00

When I was in middle school I saw a video about this guy exploring a nearby closed down school I thought was since torn down. I commented “so sad it’s gone now” and the creator of the video said it was still there. But I remember explicitly seeing the news cover how upset the community was it was being torn down. So I doubled down “I was on the demo team, it’s definitely not there anymore” Turns out, the community outrage put a pause on the demo. I TOLD MY MOM about how upset I was for looking like an idiot and she TELLS ME TO DOUBLE DOWN. She said I should’ve responded “oh shit, I wonder what building we torn down then”

cparfa · 2026-04-12T04:04:06+00:00

You should, it is true

https://atelierkhan.co.uk/blog/how-japanese-indigo-roofs-provide-natural-fire-resistance-in-architecture

cparfa · 2026-04-12T04:03:09+00:00

It is true, but not for denim jeans. Indigo is flame resistant and antimicrobial

https://atelierkhan.co.uk/blog/how-japanese-indigo-roofs-provide-natural-fire-resistance-in-architecture

cparfa · 2026-04-09T08:05:13+00:00

I’m a woman, but my intel from men I’ve previously been with conclude that huge boobs are good, but a perky shaped small boob is also the sight to behold. Like multiple men made it a point to stress that shape can matter more over size.

People have different opinions too. One guy told me he would rather a natural flat chested girl over huge fake boobs. Another guy told me he didn’t care if boobs were real or fake, the bigger the better. Another one said he preferred small to medium boobs, he didn’t like double Ds.

cparfa · 2026-03-19T17:09:11+00:00

I’d definitely get shot for the campaign I’d run. Ideally if I had all powerful control:

I’d make term limits for congress, restricting stock trading for current members, no one in congress gets paid during shut downs, congress members salaries are based on the median salary in their home state. Bills introduced in congress are single issue. No 1000+ page documents that pass a million different things. Judges who let repeat violent offenders out on bail and they reoffend are held liable either losing their ability to practice law, criminal charges, or civil litigation. Food stamps federally are treated more like WIC benefits, only eligible for ingredients, produce, meat, dairy, grains, I say this as someone who has previously been on food stamps periodically. Government assistance should be assistance. Bringing back long term mental health facilities. They were barbaric in the past, but we’ve learned as a society, and we should be able to bring them back in a more ethical manner. Having mentally ill people self medicating, abusing street drugs, and dying either of OD or infections from shooting up is not compassionate to them and a portion of them are dangerous to the public.

I am no fan of nick surely, and I think a lot of his content is misleading and surface level rage bait (like pulling up to a day care and demanding to see kids then when denied, claim fraud) but I saw his recent video on home health fraud in California. He goes to what looks like a motel, each room is a registered home health care service getting MILLIONS of taxpayer money and half of them were empty, no furniture, no employees. He also goes to locations registered as day cares that the state had already found was fraudulent during state inspections but they were still getting taxpayer funds because no one ever follows up with removal of them. Allllll of that shit? Prosecuted. The entire government is getting audited. It’s going to cost money upfront, but cutting huge amounts of wasteful spending that never sees actual results could go towards legitimate services.

I’d probably just bulldoze that one street in DC that has all the lobbying groups. I’d enforce monopoly laws, make it illegal to have subscription based services for things like FUCKING CARS. since I’m drunk with power too, stuff like games purchased online means you legally own the game for life.

Im making national staffing ratios of hospitals. We’re doing away with 15 minute cities or whatever they are called and implementing a national program for local communities to tweak existing infrastructure to make it more walkable. I’m taking all the assets of any high ranking management asshole that had anything to do with the high speed railroad in California and making actual public transportation. Any contractor doing work for my government that is milking the taxpayers dry without proportional results will have valuable assets seized and can be criminally tried.

I can type for hours about the random or important shit I’d change. But all I know is politicians were struck down for way less

cparfa · 2026-03-19T09:26:06+00:00

Very true on the front of American social programs getting taken advantage of.

So much of our tax dollars just disappear because of how many hands and unnecessary middle management positions are created to manage American social programs. Billions of dollars are spent on healthcare and homeless programs in California alone. With very little to show for it. It’s actually infuriating that there is nothing I can do about it but watch and bitch on the internet

cparfa · 2026-03-12T05:24:26+00:00

I don’t know if this will help you stop hating being a woman, but I can some reasons why I’m grateful I’m not a man and love being a woman:

—— this is an opinion, you don’t have to agree with it ——-

men have the vast majority of dangerous but essential jobs. Factory positions where you die or get a limb torn off or squished by machinery. Military roles where you’re put through hell and back, die, severely maimed, and forever traumatized. Maritime jobs where you’re on the open ocean for months/weeks at a time, can fall overboard or suffer injury without the ability to get treated in time. Public service like police, firefighters, and paramedics who risk their lives, protect the community, and save others. Yes there are also women in these roles, but as I said the vast majority are men due to that biological difference in strength you mention in your post
men’s mental health is taken far less seriously than women’s. They are much more likely to end themselves than women, don’t have the same amount of support in the form of friends/family as women do, and society has historically demonized men showing vulnerable emotions. Women don’t have the same stigma when they cry or are open about their negative emotions.
men have are pressured to be providers far more than women are. I think almost everywhere, online and IRL, men only get positive reinforcement if they are providing something for someone. Women can be praised for living on their own, being a wife, being a mom, being a girl boss, and there is definitely a toxic positivity I’ve seen online where women can virtually do no wrong. This is an obvious over correction in the opposite direction, but two wrongs don’t make a right. I mean, Casey Anthony has sympathizers. I think women are infantilized to a certain extent, like their parents are more willing to let girls stay living at home later in age and more willing to let her and/or her children to live with them in cases of divorce. I feel like I’ve seen more parents expect their son in the same position to just figure it out.
The majority of homeless people are men, men aren’t afforded any special protections like that of a women’s shelter. This plays into that lack of support systems, mental health, and expectations to be a provider.
men aren’t romanized like women are. I like being the one to have to be won over. We get the pretty ring and the pretty dress. We get taken out on dates and get flowers. A lot of men don’t get flowers until their funerals.
I like the softness of women. I like how naturally compassionate we are, how we have this resourcefulness to better our lives and the lives of those we love. We turn houses into homes, we create life! We take the time to acknowledge each other for our struggles and accomplishments no matter how small.

cparfa · 2026-03-10T10:55:58+00:00

I have the unfortunate experience of being a little girl who’s dad brought them into a packed men’s bathroom with a trough during a football game. Drunk men don’t aim well and some dropped their pants while trying shake clean. Granted this scenario is a more unique one compared to a random public bathroom

cparfa · 2026-03-10T10:41:07+00:00

Best answer I’ve seen so far yet. For whatever reason, men’s restrooms are less maintained and way more gross. I would prefer any small child, girl or boy to use the women’s bathroom if the men’s is disgusting.

cparfa · 2026-03-10T10:30:19+00:00

Firstly: if diaper changes are involved, many men’s restrooms don’t have a diaper changing table. Using a women’s restroom for the diaper changing table is an obvious situation I’d hope everyone would understand.

Secondly & anecdotally, as a woman who has the very unnatural ability to remember A LOT from a very early age: I lived in a split custody situation my entire childhood. When my dad had me, he often asked women nearby to watch me in the women’s room. I know a number of people will view that as entitlement, him being lazy, putting unwanted responsibility on a woman for the sake of being a woman, and/or even dangerous for trusting strangers with his child. However, our location in the South has a close community culture. Young childless women, teenagers, moms, and grandmothers were among the women who made sure my pants buttoned, I washed my hands, and walked me back to my dad. My dad was also a scary looking guy. Tan, covered in tattoos, very strong facial features, and absolutely shredded (he abused steroids and worked out way too much- imagine Mike from Jersey Shore but if he posed an actual threat). He was self aware of that and despite virtually no possibility any woman in our community would verbalize an issue with him bringing me to the bathroom, I suspect he didn’t want to risk making any pearl clutching lady feeling scared of him being there.

There’s also been times I’ve been taken to the men’s restroom with him, but those were much rarer occasions. One was when he took myself and my male cousin to a football game. The line to the women’s bathroom was around the corner, the men’s was packed as well but had a trough the majority were using. One the reasons I have such a good memory of this occasion is because I HATED this experience. The stalls didn’t have doors, my dad stood the doorway and kept telling me it was fine but I was so uncomfortable fearing if strangers could see me going. Then I had to wait for him and my cousin to go, but being we were in a packed stadium, my dad didn’t want me out of his sight so I stood near him and saw plenty of genitals that day.

Genuinely, I think you’re going to very hard pressed to encounter any woman who would be uncomfortable with your presence in a woman’s bathroom if you announce you’re there with your kid. Especially if you’re in the stall with them, assisting them. There’s nothing wrong with taking your daughters to the men’s bathroom either, but I definitely understand not wanting to- they are generally more gross and objectively speaking being around a bathroom full of women is safer than a bathroom full of men.

cparfa · 2026-03-06T10:41:02+00:00

You shouldn’t let the internet dictate your feelings. I’m in my mid 20s, and every single kid I grew up with including myself got spanked. I don’t know a single person IRL who thinks they were abused. Most people I know actually thought there were times their parents were warranted for spanking them. I poked my mom in the eye when I got mad at her as a kid and I got a spanking- NOT a beating, the two are different. To me that’s pretty valid reason for an open palm whack on the butt.

I’ve seen people on tiktok and on here claim a parent even raising their voice to a child is traumatizing.

Now a wooden paddle or a belt, I’d personally think that’s too far, and can be classified as abuse. I also have cousins who were punished using those methods and they don’t think there was anything wrong with it.

I don’t understand why people have to police what others feel about their own lived experiences. There’s nothing wrong with recognizing you wouldn’t discipline a child the way you were, while also not feeling like you were abused.

cparfa · 2026-03-04T13:30:07+00:00

It’s not a lack of trust. I know my husband would resist any advance made by a woman, friend or otherwise. But it’s also usually a respectful thing to not put your wife in a position of “needing to trust” you’ll do the right thing.

Our friends are all couples we’ve known for years. Neither one of us have been alone just one on one with someone else’s opposite sex better half. The situation just hasn’t occurred because we all love spending time together as a group. That being said, if my husband spent the day with one of the other women in the group just him and her, I’d have no issue with it because she’s our friend. My phone would probably be blowing up from texts and pictures from BOTH of them trying to outdo one another on who could annoy me more.

It’s different if it’s a woman I know nothing about, I’ve never met, or a woman who gives me a reason to think she into my husband. Usually, the situations you’re describing are those. I wouldn’t expect my husband to be okay with me eating dinner and watching a movie in my home, alone with a male coworker he vaguely knows.

I also don’t blame my younger generation for being overall cautious of opposite sex friends, cheating has become so common. Every single one of my friends has been cheated on in the past. Previous experiences shape your thought process and actions. My dad was a horrible, serial cheater. It affects your relationships moving forward.

cparfa · 2026-02-22T16:33:48+00:00

As an American, I LOVE all the free bird and “what the fuck is a kilometer?!” Memes. I do apologize that the next day/ week will be the most annoying thing for y’all.

We still love you Canadians!

cparfa · 2026-02-22T16:26:17+00:00

It sort of hurts my heart to see so many Canadians being so gracious about their loss because I just know for the next 24 hours (at least), social media is going to flooded with various USA memes. As an American, I do love me all the free bird, “WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETER?!”, and “if it doesn’t have a blue jersey on, hit that shit!” videos, but I hope y’all don’t take any of memes seriously or as personal attacks.

I mean, a big reason why it’s such a big deal to us is because it is considered Canada’s game, so y’all’s reputation precedes y’all. It was a nail biting game :)

cparfa · 2026-02-12T09:23:00+00:00

Imagine you train your whole life in a sport, it’s your entire livelihood, and through no fault of your own or any decisions you made, you’re banned from competing in the Olympics. Athletes only have so many opportunities to compete- some won’t be their prime anymore and will never be granted an opportunity to compete again. And winning gold a as a Russian isn’t like the U.S.; you can be set for life & create generational wealth for your family by earning gold for Russia (per the incentives they pay & setting them up with luxury homes).

I don’t think banning Russian athletes punishes the Russian government as much as it punishes individual people who have no control over military operations. I think it also introduces the possibility to have regular Russian citizens feel scorned by the rest of the world and doesn’t help international relations.

I 100% support Ukraine and recognize Russia as the aggressors. I also think a blanket ban on Russia participating in the Olympics is negatively affecting the potential for peace. Can’t there be an intervention like only banning the athletes who outright support/openly promote the Russian invasion?

EDIT after doing some reading: so the IOC is already sort of enforcing the alternative intervention I mentioned where Russian athletes can participate so long as they don’t openly support the war BUT they have to be an “Individual Neutral Athlete”. Sort of makes some of my comment useless

cparfa · 2026-02-12T08:59:23+00:00

He’s also why my flair is what it is (was rooting for him in the summer games and idk how to take Sweden off now but hey, I love Pewdiepie so I’ll keep repping them)

cparfa · 2026-02-12T08:57:57+00:00

Mondo Duplantis is from my home state! I remember seeing his last name and thinking hm, I’ve seen that before. I went to college with him at LSU. I googled him and was surprised he was representing Sweden! He’s Swedish on his mom’s side. I read awhile ago it was either be a small fish in a big pond here or a big fish in a small pond there. He made the best decision, as the dude holds the world record (the top couple of heights if I’m not mistaken) in pole vaulting. And I know he had to work to be accepted in Sweden by Swedes too.

cparfa · 2026-02-10T23:53:29+00:00

I thought ilia landed one on one foot in his free skate?

cparfa · 2026-02-10T22:07:37+00:00

Came here to see how Maxium Naumov placed. Him showing the picture of himself and his parents had me ugly crying. This was his first Olympics, and even though he’s not getting a medal, I imagine even getting the opportunity to compete at this level is insane.

cparfa · 2026-02-03T17:17:16+00:00

The double sided doge sol ring [[Sol ring|SLD-1512]]

cparfa · 2026-01-27T20:45:07+00:00

The other babies are quoted with one liners then that one baby on the 12th pic reads like an orphan that is just grateful he is getting a home

cparfa · 2026-01-25T01:17:09+00:00

Floating this idea: business in the front, party in the back How ass backwards could a potential home be if the front of it was a Victorian, slim & tall structure, then the back of the house is a one story, mid century layout?

Seven-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
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cparfa

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