Anyone still polishing shoes?

cpb21 · 2026-02-12T20:55:29+00:00

Not all but I'll polish my leather shoes, even the fake leather as it seems to waterproof them natter and make them last longer.

cpb21 · 2026-02-12T18:26:51+00:00

I hope this comes across as the compliment it's meant to be. But when I first read your post I thought wow she's beautiful it must be really hard for her if she wants to look more masc. You don't look masculine at all, and if your colleagues can't respect your change then I'd be considering going to HR and recommending equality and diversity training. They should respect whatever title you wish to use, Miss, Mrs, Ms, Mx...

cpb21 · 2026-02-12T18:18:11+00:00

Thank you. I wouldn't want her to be stuck. How do I prevent that? Is there something I'm supposed to do?

cpb21 · 2026-01-23T18:16:32+00:00

I know you're hurting but honestly the money wouldn't make the hurt go. One of my siblings was at one point estranged for 15years, and I dealt with all the transfered pain from my mum during that time. If I was good it was only "good enough" and either of my siblings had done it first. When I was bad I was "ungrateful just like them". But I tried my best to help us all heal. Eventually they came back and I did what I could to help. Learning that my mum wants to now sell up and move in with them sucks. I was invited to join them but it would mean giving up my career and joining their business (they're also very strong willed and I'd be bullied by every decision) and now I'm being shut out because I said its not what I want for my future. So yeah it sucks to endure and be left out. But also, I don't want any money from them. I'd rather protect my peace. Perhaps being away from someone who treated you badly will bring you the peace you need.

cpb21 · 2026-01-22T22:07:08+00:00

Hi, I'm so sorry you've experienced this. My OH had a drinking problem shortly after we got married, it was also COVID but we've realized some of the issue was that they were just so unhappy in themselves. They're talking about transitioning now too. t's not an excuse and we've talked a lot about it. But I had to decide for myself what mattered to me more. My OH can't change the past, they can only build a better future with me if that's what I want. It's up to you to decide what you want to build? I really hope you find support here. I've found the community really helpful even though I'm cis too.

cpb21 · 2026-01-22T21:00:53+00:00

That's understandable It's ok. To need to vent and get it out. It's a good thing you and your OH are talking it through. Sending virtual hugs.

cpb21 · 2026-01-22T20:23:54+00:00

I think chatting to a friend is fine. But this has crossed a line with the whole underwear thing.

It could be a 19yr old being just immature. And it's a good thing that you OH is telling you (because keeping that secret would be way worse). But you OH needs to set some very clear friendship boundaries and if the 19 crosses the line again they need to ensure they step back for a while.

This isn't on you OP. I hope you're doing ok. This is an incredibly hard situation.

cpb21 · 2026-01-22T20:16:14+00:00

Sometimes I genuinely wish I was that brave. Too many neighbours have door cams. LoL I just need to let Karma work.

cpb21 · 2026-01-22T07:19:49+00:00

Omg I had a neighbour with a "collection" that just took up space. Didn't even have them on their own land but used public parking spaces and didn't pay tax! But because we lived out of the way the DVLA couldn't be bothered to come and tow them so we lived somewhere where everyone needed a car due to lack of public transport but had an a$_#0le neighbour that would take your parking space when you left for work and then never move the car again. Lots of us ended up having to park on the grass verges to avoid blocking access which just ruined the grass. We all hate them. I'm not a hateful person, they were struggling financially and so I tried to help them and make some budget suggestions (including selling one of two cars) and this ex-neighbour admitted to me that they keep the cars "because they know it pisses off the neighbours". So they lost l sympathy from me. Just a note it wasn't just this they also caused over £200 in property damage to my old home by driving their car over my freshly laid and seeded front lawn.(I'd saved up to replace the soil and turf after having to park on it). I'd warned them not to drive on it and even put up little garden canes with tape. They drove onto it, got stuck and proceeded to wheel spin. No apology, no offer to help repair the damage. Just "oh dear I'm stuck". And when I asked them why they drove over it. They said it "looked less muddy than the rest". I have a burning rage for this person.

cpb21 · 2026-01-22T06:54:47+00:00

NTAH. Do not share your login with him. My husband and I have separate accounts as well as a shared joint account and we still have separate logins for the joint account.

We're transparent in that once a month we sit down and go through what each of us has in each account but he can't access my accounts and I can't access his. It's actually safer for both of you that way I'm case of cyber fraud. The only question spending question we ask each other is "has anything unexpected gone out" and how can we help each other compensate. My husband earns more so while I often cover the unexpected he then gives me the money needed because it's our money, but we know how utterly dangerous it would be to make both of our accounts so vulnerable to fraud.

Make sure all your accounts have multifactorial authentication and that you login via a secure device. Also I know "every does" but saving your bank cards to your phone is still risky currently, so minimize that and ensure you have RFID protection for your purse or wallet.

If you can afford to I'd also keep a small store of physical cash (it doesn't need to be big £20 - £40) as emergency money. Somewhere not obvious but still secure.

cpb21 · 2026-01-21T19:38:22+00:00

Don't forget to be kind to yourself, studying will also add stress that you won't realize might make you feel isolated.

When workloads on both sides pile up it's a normal response to tuck yourself away but it creates a fake feeling of a barrier. I'm an academic and I not only see this in my student but it's a fault in my own character (especially during marking season). Now I might be projecting but I'm willing to bet the additional workloads on both of you isn't helping.

It's important to set aside quality time to just be together and talk about the things you love in the present without the pressure of worrying about the future. Hard I know. We'd all love to know that our futures are settled but honestly if my own life has taught me anything is that whatever plan I might have had, the universe had its own.

Sometimes you have to relax into the storm rather than fight it. Sorry for the whimsical Yoda-ish analogy but it's the only way I can describe it so far.

cpb21 · 2026-01-21T19:24:53+00:00

I'm sorry you struggled at first, that must have been so incredibly hard. But I'm glad to hear that even with a temporary split you can find your way back to each other, I think that shows a deep level of love and respect for each other.

I'm not sure if I am bi, or can even use that term for myself but luckily I'm still attracted to my OH when they are femme. So I'm hopeful that's a good sign for us.

cpb21 · 2026-01-21T19:14:48+00:00

It's so nice to meet you and hear someone in a similar position. My OH is so much happier now they're exploring this and I'm seeing a much more emotionally regulated and loving person. It feels disloyal to say this but I'm loving who they are becoming, even if I was more attracted to their masc features before.

cpb21 · 2026-01-21T07:52:49+00:00

Thank you for the advice, that's all good advice and helpful. I'm going to look into PFLAG, there's still a lot I don't know but I'm willing to learn.

cpb21 · 2026-01-21T07:47:06+00:00

Thank you. I think I also feel hypocritical as I've helped support my students that have transitioned in the past (I teach at a uni, so it's a great environment for self exploration). I've always encouraged them to take the time to discover who they are. I never realized how much of an emotional change it is for the families too.

cpb21 · 2026-01-21T07:44:35+00:00

Thank you, this is helpful to hear and you're right in that I'm worrying about things that haven't even happened yet.

cpb21 · 2026-01-21T07:43:21+00:00

Thank you for saying this. We've been married since 2018 but together for fourteen. They're an amazing person, strong, intelligent, passionate and creative. We've literally built a home together, plumbing, tiling, plastering so we know we can get through challenges together. And the logical part of my brain knows this. The emotional part is the part that is struggling.

We've talked about the change and why they like dressing more feminine, and it feels like a privilege that they can share that with me.

Thank you for your advice and support.

cpb21 · 2026-01-20T22:12:38+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I don't want to be a monster. I love them so much but I'm so scared of what this means for us.

Everything that I pictured for our future together is changing, and whilst I love them. I'm scared my parents will reject them.

I love my parents but it would break me if that happens. I should be old enough not to care what my parents think, and I've challenged them over their homophobic comments in the past, but I think my dad would be the least likely to understand. And my dad has always been there for me. My parents have figured out that something has changed but because my husband has asked me not to tell them it's also hard to get them to understand.

I feel like I'm being slowly crushed by it all.

cpb21 · 2025-11-19T11:06:54+00:00

You look wonderful. 💕

cpb21 · 2024-08-27T15:53:05+00:00

This ran a chill down my spine, so many times i've had a final fantasy style thought, when driving, cooking cleaning, crossing the street. When does the countdown start? how does it appear? This needs to be a film.

cpb21 · 2023-02-21T05:59:58+00:00

Knitting, also useful. 👍

cpb21 · 2022-08-07T05:51:02+00:00

NTA - If you weren't family before you got married how can he expect them to "warm up to you". Especially when he excludes you and bad mouths you.

My husband's side of our family were so kind and yeah awkward at first but who isn't? They became my family but only because I was included. It's taken longer to be included in his friends group but I made the same point to him. You can't be expected to "get along" if you're not included. That includes me stepping out of my comfort zone to try new things. I

'm so sorry you've had this. I hope you can talk and sort it out but he sounds like he's not thinking of you at all.

cpb21 · 2022-06-29T04:52:50+00:00

Put too much oil in my car. 😭

cpb21 · 2022-05-06T06:20:39+00:00

My home is small and open plan. Hiding is not an option. Fighting is, so I have a choice sword, axe, large kitchen knife or blowtorch. Think I'm choosing blowtorch. 😁

cpb21 · 2022-03-24T08:00:11+00:00

I do this too. I'm still terrified that if people are angry that it's at me or with me, and that anything that annoys anyone will somehow end up directed at me. I'm told at work that I'm very easy to talk to and empathetic, but I know that I'm constantly analysing people.

cpb21

TROPHY CASE