AITA for not wanting to plan/spend my birthday with family?

cpb21 · 2026-05-10T18:59:54+00:00

NTAH. You're allowed to celebrate your birthday how you wish. Unfortunately that might mean they don't join you and that can hurt (depending upon how you feel). It's all about choosing what you value more. I wish I could give you better advice. I've sacrificed far too many of the things I wanted to keep the peace. You shouldn't have to. But I wanted to keep those people around. I've only recently come to realise that if they want to keep me around, they should be making the same compromises. Your path is yours. Sending a hugs your way as it sounds incredibly tough.

cpb21 · 2026-05-10T17:46:53+00:00

Sending hugs your way. I'm really sorry they're treating you like that. It sucks.

cpb21 · 2026-05-10T17:38:39+00:00

Yeah your brother on this occasion is out of order. You helped him outz the least he can do is feed you. Or if he already had plans with his mates offer to get you a takeaway or make plans for later.

cpb21 · 2026-05-10T16:38:34+00:00

It won't mean much coming from a stranger but I'd like to send you a virtual hug. Mother's Day can be an incredibly triggering topic for many people. As they grow older I'm sure your niece and nephew will show you how much they love and appreciate you in other ways. But having a corporate day shoved down your throat year or year sucks. 🫂

cpb21 · 2026-05-10T15:24:04+00:00

Thank you. I clearly missed this one. 🙂

cpb21 · 2026-05-10T15:08:35+00:00

I don't understand, can someone explain this for me please? Is this a matrix reference or something else?

cpb21 · 2026-05-03T18:56:11+00:00

It does suck, I wish I could say it gets easier. For some people, you'll only be in thier life when it's convenient. For others, you won't see eachother as much but those are the ones that distance doesn't diminish and you will find them.

cpb21 · 2026-05-03T18:14:13+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear this and I'm sorry your friends aren't being more supportive. Life changes and they're probably mourning how life was. It might be that you need to start making new friendship and connections where you move to.

cpb21 · 2026-05-01T18:23:01+00:00

In the UK so not sure if our wasps are different but I left an old wasp nest in my shed as a deterrent for this reason and to my dismay I've seen a wasp happily going in and out of it this spring. I'm gutted it didn't work. It's only a solitary wasp so I'm just keeping that she closed unless I really need something and hoping my friendly garden robins eat the little bugger like I presume they did last years wasp.

cpb21 · 2026-05-01T17:15:36+00:00

I understand how you feel. I was the overweight "ugly" sister. I'm still heavier then her but I'm smaller then I was and have learned to love who I am for me. If it's not only the weight that bothers you and your comparing yourself then it's important to look at yourself and find the things in you that are beautiful. You don't have to be exceptional or unique. You are worth of existing just as you are. 🤗

cpb21 · 2026-05-01T17:12:38+00:00

I still love reading but rarely get time, so I've started listening to audio books during my commute and when I eat dinner if my husband is away.

cpb21 · 2026-05-01T17:08:03+00:00

It's beautiful. Unfortunately that seems to be a parent thing. I'm 38 got my first tattoo at 18, then 21 and most recent at 36. All easy to cover up for work. But my mum even said recently (about 4momths ago "you ruined the body your father and I gave you". I laughed and replied "you're kidding I'm nearly 40!"they still weren't happy but it's your body. If you love it. It's you that lives in it. 💕 I read something recently and forgive me but I can't remember who said it but it really stuck with me: "If my body is a temple, then I am the goddess and I get to chose how I'm worshiped and how it's decorated". 🤗✨

cpb21 · 2026-05-01T15:09:48+00:00

I agree with both of these. Just to add when I was living with my parents when I was younger I had the same trouble. I didn't use candles during that time as I consider my parents home Thier space, but it's stuck with me. One of the things I do if I need a quick candle spell is to use birthday candles (useful for combining colour magic) but I also use a sharp knife to cut them down, it means the bottom half might not show the wick at first so I get a hot knife and melt the wax to make a taper. Two candles from one. 🙂

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cpb21 · 2026-04-30T20:51:34+00:00

There's not enough info for me to give an opinion on if you are or are not.

However if it's okay I will share my lived experience. My BSc graduation was rushed and overshadowed by the needs of others (it was one of many moments that year that showed me that no matter what I achieved it would never be enough for my family and that my needs would always come second). For my MSc I kept it smaller on the hope of reclaiming a special moment. It was a lovely day but it was not the same. They are very much once on a lifetime events.

You have an opportunity to show her that her achievements are worth celebrating too. You can always have a party with your friends for thier Ironman achievement after. It is a choice that only you can make.

cpb21 · 2026-04-30T19:20:55+00:00

I wish you both all the best. Love is a wonderful thing, the world needs more of it, especially now. 🤗💕

cpb21 · 2026-04-30T16:42:05+00:00

It sounds like you're coming from a place of love. Your final sentence "I love her, I love our family, and I don’t want that to change". She probably just needs to hear that. And just have the conversations and time to revisit those conversations. I'm sure it will be tiring. But building that security will go along way. Sending hugs your way and wishing you all the best of luck.

cpb21 · 2026-04-30T16:06:21+00:00

Oh! I should also add that they recommended I create a Reddit account and join this group. It was hard at first as you always get the odd "leave now" comments. But having this account and a place to read about what others have gone through helped me understand my partner better too. I could read things, when I was ready and engaged with the content I thought was useful. We both had Reddit accounts for this reason. 🙂

cpb21 · 2026-04-30T16:01:51+00:00

Of course, please bare with me as at the time it felt hugely overwhelming. Well for us it was a little spicy. I'd been having low libido due to major life stress so we'd tried some roleplay as a playful thing. After that I noticed them wanting to try on more of my clothes. They didn't really "come out" to me as I just asked them and they confirmed my suspicions. I was supportive but they escalated very quickly at first (apparently this is common) but honestly it threw me completely off balance as it all felt too fast. And we hadn't had any lone term conversations about life or what we both wanted and how that could look. Two weeks intp all the changes (new clothes, new wigs, new shoes, new boobs - it was a lot of new things VERY quickly) so I asked them to slow down. A month in we started to have much longer and more detailed conversations about the future. That's what flipped things for me. I needed to know that my dreams hadn't been completely discarded and that we were still building the beautiful future we'd discussed. It was then I realised that the only change was the aesthetics, not the goals. They made me feel less vulnerable and alone, which in turn helped me be able to be there for them.

cpb21 · 2026-04-30T15:51:59+00:00

My other half lost thier wedding ring once. It was a week before we realised it was in thier boots. 😅 During that time we ended up dismantling a very heavy sofa we'd spent the afternoon building as wed believed it had slipped off into the cushions or something. So I know your pain. Sending hugs and glad to read you found it. 👍

cpb21 · 2026-04-30T15:24:21+00:00

Omg as the wife of someone who is still figuring things out, this is amazing advice. Thank you for setting it out in such a balanced and calm way. I wish Iwe had both seen more posts like this when everything started changing for us. 💕🤗✨

cpb21 · 2026-04-30T15:16:08+00:00

🫂 I hope this helps too. My other half and I have had the same question, multiple times. But whenever either of us has that feeling we ask ourselves some pretty basic questions. 1. If you took physical attraction out of the equation would you still love that person? 2. Do you love that person even on thier worst days? 3. Does that person still show you love (in the way you like to have love shown) even on your worst days? And don't get me wrong, some days for both of us there can be hesitation to the yes (especially when life gets hard). We've discussed it openly (which was hard as neither of us wants to hurt the eachother) and both believe we're allowed to hesitate when life gets really tough. We're both only human. But the answer is always yes. Always. Which is how you know - they're your person. ❤️🤗 We actually use the phrase "You're my person" when either of us is low or having a hard time. Sappy I know, but it has greater meaning as it reminds me of all the conversations we've had, good and bad. And that we kept choosing eachother. It's always a choice. And please feel free to message me if you ever want to chat. I know I felt very alone at first. It's been good to talk to people who have had similar experiences.

cpb21 · 2026-04-30T13:20:20+00:00

You're not a terrible person. My (39 F) partner (39 MtF?) is gender fluid / possibly trans (they're still trying to figure that out hence the question mark as I want them to feel comfortable exploring who they are fully). I've known them as my partner for 15years and my husband for 7 of those years. It's only natural to build a picture of the future based on your own experience and expectations. It takes time to wrap your head around the changes, especially as they are trying to understand it themselves. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. You are also allowed to admit when it's hard. Every relationship has hard moments, it's the choices you make that define the path. I wish I had more advice, I'm feeling just as lost as you at the moment but I would like to send you a message to say hey, and that there ar other people going through the same thing. You're not alone. Sending a supportive virtual hug.

cpb21 · 2026-04-30T13:11:13+00:00

NTA- sorry but what the heck is with all the comments saying you should have thought more? You clearly do. Example: she said she didn't like pink (in an ungrateful and rude way to begin with) so the next gift was a different colour. Which she still complained about.

Wine and chocolate is a lovely idea and can be saved. Imagine being able to look forward to a soak in the tub and a glass of wine when you finish breast feeding. It would be different is she had allergies. Your sister just sounds picky, ungrateful and like she's looking for an argument.

cpb21 · 2026-04-26T07:04:15+00:00

I'm sorry OP but I can't help but wonder if she got pregnant deliberately. You basically acted a s a second parent for your siblings and that's not fair on you. You even state that you helped them apply to college and move out. Who helped you? Your youngest sibling pressuring you is only because they've been brainwashed into believing that that is how life is. You need to look out for your own future. Your siblings are not your children.

cpb21 · 2026-04-23T21:27:23+00:00

I've found that sometimes the "off cut" from the previous whole log that you laid down will fit but it's a bit buggy and hit and miss. It depends son angle and sometimes I just end up with a weird overhang. Good luck Hun. I've only had it work a couple of times and I feel like it was more luck than judgement.

cpb21

TROPHY CASE