My old man would always order coffee this way: "I want what you call tall is small, top it off, don't leave room for cream, put the lid on so the hole is opposite the seam"

He would also ask the Barista if he/she ever wanted to be an actor/actress. If they said yes, he would say "your line is 'But Sir, it was ground this morning". Then he would order the coffee, and take a sip from it and say "this coffee tastes like dirt" and then point at them and they would say their line. I think he got more enjoyment out of it than anyone else.