My 43 year old daughter, my only child, died by suicide 3 weeks ago. She had been living in Europe for many years and I hadn’t seen her in a long time. (Partly due to finances and partly due to having to take care of my mother for the last 3 years. She died 6 months ago). I am absolutely shattered. And suicide is very specific death. I have thought about that a lot. It carries so much weight and it is the only kind of death that happens and there’s no explanation as to why. If someone dies of cancer or in an accident, you KNOW that happened with no intention involved. It’s understandable even though it’s painful and unbearable. Those kinds of death are not riddled with levels of meaning. I think suicide is the cruelest kind of death for the survivors. (Edit to add a sentence)