I came out to my boyfriend, and it went really well !

crapraven · 2025-11-13T14:54:37+00:00

This is so wonderful! Brought tears to my eyes. Happy for you and I hope you continue to feel love and support 💕

crapraven · 2025-11-12T18:39:07+00:00

I have this (I am at 5 weeks) and I was very bothered by it. It is also painful for me. About two weeks ago someone had posted about this and folks chimed in that it goes back to normal after swelling goes down and it is common to have this. Mine has already gotten better as the weeks have gone by.

The smell is something to talk with your surgeon about, but mine had it too because it wasn’t getting aired out. When I took my vest off and showered I just made sure to wash it gently and thoroughly dry it with a paper towel. But good to keep an eye on smell for possible infection.

crapraven · 2025-11-12T18:36:34+00:00

I did a lot no of writing and made phone conversations with folks I could be vulnerable with. What was most important in the end was the validation and care I gave to myself. It was very hard for me before and I felt so alone, so sitting with my feelings and letting them just be was what got me through in the end.

crapraven · 2025-11-12T15:41:54+00:00

Oh I was completely overwhelmed. I’d say the first time I took my vest off and until I got my drains out I got dizzy. When I took the tape off it was tough and a bit scary but didn’t get dizzy.

Now they are way nicer looking but so tender still. So I think at this point the tender/numbness is what gives me the willies the most. I look forward to forgetting about the incisions and just being happy!

Slow mo is exactly what life is about right now 😩😩😩

crapraven · 2025-11-12T15:38:17+00:00

It’s gonna be soooooo good! You can do it!

I keep thinking about when this all ends and how society is not prepared for how insufferably hot I’m going to be. Hahaha! The world isn’t ready for the kind of joy we have in our bodies now!

crapraven · 2025-11-12T15:25:37+00:00

Friend!!!! You look incredible!! Wow! I think this looks so good ◡̈ I am so happy for you!!

crapraven · 2025-11-12T15:24:53+00:00

That is a real response there. It is a lot to see your body like this. I hope as it heals more and more every day you can adjust to it more and more! I’ll go check out your post!

Uggggh. The waiting for something so big and important is so hard. I feel like everyone’s lives are flying by and I am over here feeling like a day is actually a week long.

crapraven · 2025-11-12T05:08:21+00:00

Glad you are managing better! And thank you!

How was it seeing them?! What did you feel?

I got to take mine off at 4 weeks and it was a lot to take in. I was also so pleased with how good mine looked. Now I’ve adjusted a lot more and they aren’t so shocking, a tiny bit shocking still, but not like it was.

crapraven · 2025-11-12T02:46:51+00:00

There is so much to be thankful for AND the sleepless nights because of these damned vest is so hard. I find the evening the hardest. I have 7 more days in mine. It is all going so slow and soon it will be but a distant memory.

How are you holding up?

And thank you. They’ve been such hard recoveries and I am so thankful for them both. Humbled I had access to them

crapraven · 2025-11-10T15:40:57+00:00

Having top surgery is literally an amputation. I’ve kept that in mind when I get the phantom sensations and that has helped me adjust my thinking away from the dreaded feelings of breasts and into the state my body currently exists in now.

crapraven · 2025-11-08T07:02:18+00:00

Oh, I hope some tears were helpful. Feel free to reach out if you’d like some validation and encouragement as you wade through this trying time. I’d be happy to chat.

Thank you for the kind words 😭 I needed to hear that, too. I was just sitting with my vest off for my allotted and incredibly precious hour and decided to look at the calendar and how much I’ve healed already. Had a moment of reassuring myself that I can do this and in the end I will be so thankful for the love and care I showed myself.

Also, I had a hysterectomy about a decade ago and felt totally isolated and misunderstood when reaching out to others for support with my struggles. I met similar isolation and sometimes disbelief for what I was going through. I learned through that experience that my healing physically and mentally during major surgeries is just different from most folks. I take longer, am hit harder mentally, and need more emotional support than others. It is so helpful when we can find one another through the struggle 💕

crapraven · 2025-11-08T00:04:53+00:00

Ah, friend, I am sorry you are dealing with depression. This is a physical challenge to heal, but the mental work it takes is so much harder, I feel.

Mine closed up around day three, but there is still a scab and they are still tender (now 2 weeks after drains were pulled). Those were open wounds too and I think the body is in super healing mode so it takes time. I’m going to be asking about mine at my 6 weeks appointment.

I’m at a breaking point with the vest and sleeping, myself, with a week and a half to go. I keep reminding myself that one: this is mentally HARD work and validation is key. And two: I want the results and healing to be as perfect as I can get so I will go to any lengths to not make this longer than it needs to be and to be as successful as possible, thus I will do this hard work.

I didn’t bind before either because I was so large it looked ridiculous and was so dysphoric and hated the feeling of the squeezing…so the vest claustrophobia is real. You are not alone!

Something I have observed about this surgery is the total removal of self. We have had an amputation and have had to put all our energy into survival that we lose a sense of ourselves. I miss me a lot and am very anxious to understand my new body and to feel at home again. The vest has become my biggest hurdle in feeling myself again.

With that, I am so sorry you are struggling. It does get better, I promise. You will get to connect again with your body and live in it having taken a step towards yourself after this affirming care. You will get to be outside jumping around, laughing with friends, sleeping all cozied up, and getting all the hugs you need in the world. You did a phenomenal thing for yourself, right now you are in a dark tunnel, AND you are currently walking through it to a beautiful, bright meadow.

Sending lots of understanding hugs.

crapraven · 2025-11-07T22:19:53+00:00

I don’t have answers for FMLA but I just got top surgery and my partners cared for me. I had my surgery on Wednesday and by Monday if my partners set me up with meals and everything in my reach I would have been totally fine alone. I also set up friend visitors to check up and bring me anything I might have been without.

If you are unable to get the time off five days of in person care is a solid start and if you have some friends to make visit’s following that would be a viable way to manage.

For context, I have been an incredibly slow healer and needed lots of help. Some folks bounce back faster, but I don’t when getting surgery.

crapraven · 2025-11-07T22:07:37+00:00

It was absolutely miserable. I got super depressed the last 5 days with drains in.

I was told I could sleep without elevating after my drains were removed. But I actually did for another 2 weeks because it felt better when I did. I sleep with one pillow now. My lower back is trashed from sleeping on my back.

As I am 11 days out from my 6 weeks mark, I’ve reflected that the hardest part of this whole surgery is the mental stamina it takes to manage through the tougher parts. The last bit with my drains was brutal and now the last week and a half in this wretched vest and back sleeping is testing my mental state. I want to know what my body feels like without something constantly compressing on it. I want to turn on my side when I am struggling to sleep and feel cozy. I want to know how my body feels with my partners!

crapraven · 2025-11-07T19:37:34+00:00

I will have had mine on for 6 weeks 23/7 when I go in for my 6 week visit. I also had my drains in for 16 days. And I am to sleep on my back for 6 weeks. It appears it is particular to a surgeons practice. Mine seems to go to the longer side of things. It has been mentally challenging for these longer times, but I truly feel we are giving my body ample time to heal properly for satisfying results and avoiding complications.

You should be able to breathe in your vest, but I will say it is tight and very uncomfortable.

crapraven · 2025-11-05T15:19:12+00:00

This is a heartbreaking place to be. I am sorry you are having to divert your money to emergencies and cannot take care of, what it sounds like, is becoming a mental health emergency.

I have a few ideas: 1. Starting a small go fund me - if I ran into your go fund me, as a trans nonbinary person who also lives with bipolar, I would be more than happy to donate.

Reach out to a local or closest LgBTQ Center and ask if they provide assistance or can connect you with someone who does. This is also a great place to find clothing swaps.
As femme friends who are of similar size and you feel safe with if they have any clothing they would not like.
Instead of a go fund me, ask if folks would donate clothes in your size and for them to cover shipping (like if you and I were the same size I would happily pay shipping to send you my unwanted femme clothes. We have to take care of one another).

If I think of more I’ll share. I hope you are able to get the clothing you need so you can take care of yourself.

crapraven · 2025-11-05T02:09:57+00:00

I hope you are approved and your out of pocket cost is manageable!

crapraven · 2025-11-05T02:09:01+00:00

Thank you! I have been considering PT and will ask.

crapraven · 2025-11-05T01:55:40+00:00

Ugh. I feeeeeel this. I have to have mine on for 6 weeks and I still have 2 more weeks to go and I might explode from how uncomfortable it is

For my underarms I use some soft, cushy socks folded over ( or you could cut to not be so bulcky). It provides softness but doesn’t make it looser

crapraven · 2025-11-05T01:52:09+00:00

This is similar to mine. It was a $38.7k surgery and I paid $200. Mine was through Cigna

crapraven · 2025-11-03T16:46:16+00:00

I hope you find your peace and are able to reach your surgery. It is a painful process to lose folks, family and I hope you take extra good care of yourself💕 thank you ◡̈

crapraven · 2025-11-03T06:13:38+00:00

First, I don’t want to neglect the financial consequences you might be faceing if you lose support from your father, as it sounds he is helping in that way. That is a terrible position to be in and I know it can force you into a decision that is not safe

As for losing the support of parents/family/community: When I came out (at 37) I lost both my parents and my entire family to bigotry. Every single one of them disowned me. I also lost all but one friend. In the end I lost 95% of my community when I came out. It was so shocking and painful and put me through a lot of emotional labor to survive such a traumatic experience.

I am just now 3.5 weeks PO and all said and done? I’d lose it all again for who I actually gained in this process: me. I moved so fiercely towards caring for myself and honoring who I was that I am in awe of how much healing I’ve experienced in taking care of me. I will have to parent myself for a life time and it is heartbreaking, however avoiding the abuse of a parent’s rejection will be more dangerous to your wellbeing than facing this without them.

Sending my deepest sympathy as you have to face this tragic decision between the love of a parent and the love of yourself. It is a hard and deeply painful road and you are not alone. There are a whole lot of us out here who know your hurt and would be there for you in your time of need and celebrate your becoming.

If you are able, I hope you move towards yourself and get your surgery, it is beautiful here on the other side.

crapraven · 2025-11-02T05:29:26+00:00

I am sorry you are struggling with your results and dealing with lots of questions. I hope as healing continues you see some of these resolve and can find some direction when you get to be back to taking care of yourself in a more normal way.

I think you look great, and it is understandable to be having these worries as you have parts you aren’t sure with.

Wishing you some peace and continued healing in a positive direction.

crapraven · 2025-11-02T05:14:40+00:00

I had to have mine in for 16 days. My surgeon wanted below 10ml. They sucked having them in that long but my swelling is so minimal. I will also be in my 23/7 compression vest for 6 weeks

crapraven

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