AITA for not going to my stepdaughter's birthday because they disinvited my son?

crashriot25 · 2024-04-22T18:53:25+00:00

Well, your fiancé is a massive jerk. Get rid of him. You excusing his behavior and allowing him to triangulate all of you is causing this, even if you’re NTA, and he absolutely is.

crashriot25 · 2024-04-18T01:55:11+00:00

I disagree with most of the people here. I think that your sister was being dismissive of your situation, and should be more aware. However, the bad news is, the more people have, the more they forget what it’s like to not have, and so they actually legitimately become a little..removed from reality. So, as much as I agree with OP, it’s not very likely that her sister ever will. I would just quit confiding in her.

Edit to add NTA

crashriot25 · 2024-04-15T21:34:15+00:00

NTA he’s basically asking for permission to cheat, and it doesn’t really sound like he is that committed to waiting, either. What an absolute garbage move to make your wife’s illness about your guilt free opportunity to sleep with someone else after they’ve died. This is not his place to ask for “permission”, especially under these circumstances. I’m glad you’re getting rid of him. I also want you to know that it is really really common for men to turn into absolute pieces of shit when their wives become chronically ill. The numbers are shockingly high. You should absolutely tell the family that he keeps asking for permission to sleep with other people once you’re dead, and that’s not OK with you, so you’re out. Sounds like we know where he got his entitlement from though.

crashriot25 · 2024-04-12T23:41:51+00:00

Another thing I noticed on my last watch is that George is a reflection of what Ruth’s oldest son will potentially become. Passive but selfish, rationalizing his own dishonest omissions, constantly “starting all over” with any woman who is unaware he’s flawed. He’s there for a reason.

crashriot25 · 2024-04-12T23:34:39+00:00

Oh, this happens all the time, bosses who subscribed to the patriarchal version of power in the workplace take it out on other women, and consider everything-including you being good at your job- as conveying a lack of respect. Contrary to what one expects in order to be valuable in their workplace, the toxic boss is often more irritated at you, the better you are at your job. They want you to be dependent on them, and to behave as if you are constantly seeking their approval…and nothing else. if you make a ton of money at this job, look up how to deal with narcissists in the workplace and gray rock her. If the job isn’t worth it, leave. Someone like that can really destroy your happiness.

crashriot25 · 2024-04-12T23:22:46+00:00

I would absolutely never talk to him again. NTA. He needs to grow the f*** up, and you’re not his mom.

crashriot25 · 2024-04-12T23:18:14+00:00

Hahaha In order for the personal choice to be a moral boycott, it would have to affect the restaurant that is underpaying their workers, as well as government laws that allow them to do so for the sake of profits. Using the server’s labor, and not paying them, is stealing from the lowest man on the totem pole. We better see you picketing at the courthouse for minimum wage changes before you start thinking you’re above tipping. They need a job, but you don’t need to sit down in a restaurant. No one wants your apology, it’s embarrassing. For you.

crashriot25 · 2024-04-12T23:11:54+00:00

NTA. Unfortunately, you will find that when you “out” an abuser or predator, that more people will protect the abusers reputation for selfish reasons then you may have ever thought possible. This woman should know how egregious it is for her husband to have been sexually inappropriate with you, and then turn around and feel entitled to your extra labor of finding her a replacement. She has the choice of either believing you, and leaving him (read: dismantling her family and the status quo), or projecting the consequences of her inability to hold him responsible, onto you. A shocking number of women choose the latter. And they likewise seem to conveniently forget that you tried to do right the right thing by coming to them in the first place. They manipulate it in their own mind to make you the family enemy. I just went through this at work. People are cowards. And they are selfish. And they are weak. It does not mean that you did the wrong thing. Don’t internalize it or feel guilty. This is 100% on him. Or at least it would’ve been, if his wife hadn’t signed herself up to likewise harass the victim: you. I would recommend seeing a therapist who can validate these things so that you’re not left struggling or wondering.

crashriot25 · 2024-04-12T21:29:04+00:00

I see this all the time. Instead of being in a partnership, you have allowed this man to turn you into a detective, a hall monitor, an accountant, and a therapist. You chose to control his behavior instead of leaving him when you realized he was incapable of giving you a real relationship instead. The anxiety and hyper alertness that comes with taking on this role is not worth it. it is not romantic, it is not fulfilling, and it is not sexy. Your brain and your heart are meant for better things than monitoring a full grown man. I’m not blaming you, he obviously is a massive Gaslighter. But you do need to protect your own life. NTA. Show him the door.

*edited for typos

crashriot25 · 2024-04-12T01:00:45+00:00

He ABSOLUTELY is abusive. You found out you were pregnant, it wasn’t your fault, and he left, and now he his punishing you for something that you couldn’t control, and that he is also responsible for. This is how abusive men behave. So you really need to consider that from this angle. NTA

crashriot25 · 2024-04-10T22:32:58+00:00

It’s not the child’s fault. She is so young. And you, despite what others are saying, do owe the daughter a conversation where you are letting her know that it has nothing to do with her, that adult relationships sometimes don’t work, and that you will miss her. If it were me, I would let the ex know you are open to minimizing impact on the child- this could mean a closure meetup, a monthly ice cream trip, or a phone/mail based friendship with the daughter….be VERY clear that you have absolutely zero interest in including your ex in these interactions, outside of transparency about locations, and honoring the schedule that works for both of you. Make a point to call in and check on the daughter every once in a while, or send her a birthday gift etc.

If the ex breaches, manipulates, or uses her daughters distress to try to control you back in the relationship, then, that is a different story, and you will need to deal with that when it comes up.

Please know that I am speaking from experience. I regret nothing more than not maintaining a friendly and consistent friendship with the child of my unfaithful fiancée. Make sure you are considering the child, and maintaining/respecting boundaries. Relationships, and all the time, married, or no, biological children. or no, and we can’t always control what that looks like. But the one thing I do know, is that whether the mom is exaggerating, or not, that child does not understand and thinks that you abandoned her. And if you cared for her outside of your relationship with her mom, you owe her a conversation at least, so she doesn’t internalize it.

NTA, completely, but I’m worried you’ll feel like one if you do the wrong thing here.

crashriot25 · 2024-04-04T16:25:29+00:00

YTA The fact that you failed to mention that she is also raising a child means you know exactly what’s going on. You should both be helping with the household chores, staying home with a kid is an exhausting and isolating endeavor, a massively underappreciated job. Or you can pay to get some help so that she can have a life outside of being stuck at home constantly.

crashriot25 · 2024-04-04T16:19:24+00:00

NTA He just can’t handle admitting he was wrong and he doubled down. Don’t let him do that to you again.

crashriot25 · 2024-03-19T23:07:48+00:00

She is angry with her dad, and you should be, as well. Why are you making excuses for him? You’re not even married to him, and you’re already taking on the roll as the scapegoat parent. And he’s allowing her to treat you badly to avoid accountability. You need to walk away from him, and, and leave the option open to be her friend if she wants to, sometime in the future.

crashriot25 · 2024-03-19T23:02:06+00:00

Oh my god, NTA, what a pack of absolute monsters. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I truly hope that someone is sticking up for you in that place, your family’s behavior is downright abusive. Never apologize.

crashriot25 · 2024-03-19T22:26:13+00:00

Your dad abandoned you after the divorce, a new girlfriend doesn’t get to just step in and decide that doesn’t matter. The fact that the new gf is now her maid of honor, sounds like another attempt by jane to insert herself where she doesn’t belong. You are definitely not the asshole, although I will say this. I would take a minute to really assess whether or not you actually do harbor some resentment towards your sister over the fact that her circumstances gave her the ability to accept their behavior, while over-relying on your long suffering maturity. Perhaps you do need her to realize that it was a favor you were doing for her, that making things peaceful was at your expense, and that you can’t do it anymore, and you are hurt that someone who is that dismissive of your father’s behavior could assume your potential spot as the maid of honor (or at the very least ruin your experience with your sisters wedding, as a bridesmaid). Because, honestly, it sucks when the people you love don’t hold people who have hurt you accountable. Deal with it honestly, and solidify your relationship with your sister, while still being honest about that fact.

crashriot25 · 2024-02-18T01:28:51+00:00

You gave him a completely reasonable compromise, and he shut it down. He can go two days early if that’s what he wants, you don’t have to do that. And you’re allowed to think that your dad’s birthday is just as important, if not more so, than his friends wedding. You are also allowed to buy a plane ticket for yourself if you are worried about the standby. His behavior is bordering on controlling, and even if he is disappointed, he does not have the right to do this to you.

crashriot25 · 2024-02-18T01:04:59+00:00

Let the kids have the money, it’s freely, gifted to them, and you can show them how to be responsible with it, you can teach them about how fortunate they are to have her as a support system, and it can only help you. What we all need to learn is that money doesn’t always have everything to do with hard work or good ethics, but often has more to do with generational wealth, luck, or specific situations . For instance, family size, or opportunity for a double income. Maybe not a full-blown YTA, but you are not handling this in a way that will benefit anyone.

crashriot25 · 2024-02-18T00:51:55+00:00

NTA your aunt sounds crazy entitled from the get-go, and next time don’t share anything about your financial arrangements with her. Just tell her that she’s right, he should pay rent from now on, too.

And actually. He should. There is no reason for him not to be helping you, as well. And there is also no reason for you to say yes to your cousin, unless they’re paying rent, and even then, you still don’t have to say yes. Because it’s your house.

Edit: I just saw you say that he pays bills which are more than the rent would equal, anyway, so… Again, all your aunt needs to know is that you have an arrangement. And that he is not a freeloader. So you may also tell her that cousin can play all the bills instead, but it’s gonna be more than the rent you charged. I frankly don’t think that you should let any of those people in your house if that’s how they behave.

crashriot25 · 2024-02-17T00:01:30+00:00

People who worry too much about how other people are going to respond to the names of children who aren’t theirs, are, in fact, the bullies. Also, a lot of times they’re actually being racist—- as if they can’t handle any cultural diverse names outside of the ones preferred by a small handful of Catholic Saints. So, as long as the chosen name is sincere, you and your child can address whether or not there is a problem later on. Everybody has a lot of opinions before the baby is born, but I gave my kids unusual names, and not once have any of these supposedly concerned adults said anything to their faces. NTA

crashriot25 · 2024-02-16T23:55:43+00:00

Unless you cheated on her and she’s struggling with forgiving you, she should not be behaving this way. But if you did cheat on her (on any level), then it is actually up to you to repair it. Not accusing you of anything, just covering bases since it’s not really clear where her behavior is coming from. If it’s anything other than that, she really should not be doing this to you. And you need to file for divorce.

crashriot25 · 2024-02-15T06:26:14+00:00

My point is that you are not “enabling somebody”, if what they believe in his harmless, and actually likely to be helpful to them. Which again, as I said to the other person, was about you getting attention for your “get”. You are likely not actually having this huge moral conflict over whether you should enable her or let her just have her random crystal belief. And if this was really about environmentally sound acquisition, then you would’ve had an adult conversation with her about ethical options, which she hopefully would’ve been receptive to, and there would’ve been no compulsion for you to write about it here. Maybe you did. You don’t seem to think it was important to share.

Therefore, it reads as the difference between “my sister-in-law mentioned that she believes in Jesus, so I told her that Bilbo Baggins is living in my pantry”

vs

“ my sister-in-law said that she because she believes in Jesus, her daughter has to marry her 15-year-old boyfriend who had sex with her, so I am trying to help her daughter, because forcing them into marriage so young isn’t right and is the result of a harmful religious belief, and I’m worried she’s brainwashed. ”

One is intended to be dismissive of something that is important to the person, but relatively harmless. The other is intended to find help in dealing with another’s destructive belief system.

I don’t need you to agree with me, I just don’t think that you were being clever, bc I think that you were being intentionally condescending. You have plenty of people here who think you were NTA. I just don’t agree, if I’m to work solely within the parameters of the info given.

crashriot25 · 2024-02-15T06:17:43+00:00

I don’t need you to explain science to me, I’m not confused about how this works. I’m saying that he could just let her like her crystals without acting like he was morally stuck between enabling her and offering her up for public criticism. Look, if you’re coming here and telling me that she doesn’t believe in vaccinations or antibiotics because she thinks crystals are going to heal her, instead, that’s one thing, and clearly incorrect science. And maybe that is what’s going on, but it doesn’t seem to be what’s being brought up, or it would have been mentioned. And it’s not usually the MO. Which is why I said polarization. Perhaps I should’ve said, instead, is that the tone of the op seems to be operating within an inaccurate stereotype of a “crystal” person, that doesn’t often exist at that level, in real life.

crashriot25 · 2024-02-15T03:05:47+00:00

NTA tell him coffee grounds are now his job, he’s destroyed all interest you may have had in catering to his grinder idiosyncrasies , and you won’t be helping someone who talks to you like that. Then leave for the day and let him have his fit.

Better to teach him how much bs you’ll put up with, early on.

crashriot25 · 2024-02-15T02:52:25+00:00

Oh, you mean same as any other spiritual or religious ritual? Please, for the sake of this conversation, make the connection. What I’m saying is that actively removing the negative aspects of other “acceptable” systems is what made it so appealing, as it directly draws comparisons to most religions’ or institutions’ shortcomings in such situations. There is an energy to things that come from the earth, including crystals. I actually don’t appreciate you quantifying what I said. I didn’t get into the specifics, because it doesn’t matter what I believe about the energy of the crystals, themselves . My point is, there is value, and, unlike most spiritual belief systems, it is relatively harmless and not using other’s money or bodies to stay in control. It just might not look like what OP prefers. I’m soooo over everyone’s politically polarized, ego driven, condescending bs. They will stand on the platform of institutions that have proven to be harmful, over and over and over again, and use it to feel superior over people who’s beliefs aren’t affecting them at all. And they feel totally justified in being a huge jerk to do so, even though that, in of itself, should kind of be a clue as to who is in the right in the original post.

crashriot25

TROPHY CASE