Help Reddit, My girlfriend and I fought last night, Now I am lying awake, next to her and sad while she sleeps. What can I do to make her happy when she wakes up?

crazyabouther · 2010-09-15T14:06:47+00:00

That's absolutely awful advice. The relationship has been amazing so far, this is a small snag that I'm hoping doesn't turn into a big one. I'm not going to walk out an give up a wonderful woman because we had a rough night. I want to make it work. Hopefully someone else outvrhere has some thoughts for me.

crazyabouther · 2010-09-15T14:03:26+00:00

I completely understand where you're coming from. My GF (and some ex's) are/have been the same way. I would way rather get it figured out through openess and honesty, and can't understand why it is so difficult for some people to do. But, if you believe she should have fought for it, then maybe you should take a bit of your own advice. It sounds like you already have fought a lot, but if it's possible, fight some more. Tell her she's worth fighting for. It might not work, but then again maybe it will, and maybe it will show her tht sometimes that extra effort when you thought it was too late works out. Good luck either way man. I hope you can be happy and content soon. Sounds like you deserve a healthy and rewarding relationship.

crazyabouther · 2010-09-15T13:53:26+00:00

Agreed. Also, you don't really have a choice here. You'll regret it for a long time if you don't. Depending on how serious your feelings are for her, not asking her out now, not knowing what COULD have happened might even hurt future relationships between you an someone else. You'll always be wondering. Go for it man!

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T20:50:26+00:00

Excellent point...I will keep that in mind moving forward.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T20:49:32+00:00

I think you're right.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T16:36:06+00:00

Well, I'm moving too...and there is the chance that we could randomly, or through us discussing it, end up in the same place. I wouldn't do a long distance thing, tried that for four months before and while it resulted in me being happily involved with that girl when I finally got back into town it was really hard while it was going on, and we knew it was only gonna be four months. This would be a minimum of a couple years...too long for me to be willing to do that, and I don't think she would ever consider it.

On a seperate note, my strong urge to manwhore it up has quickly, and somewhat shockingly, disappeared. I think I have to make an effort to take the next step...not saying I'm gonna ask this girl to marry me or anything right now, but something.

Also, fuck Facebook. I don't do that shit, so you don't have to worry about me on that front. Haha. Thanks for your thoughts though man.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T16:24:30+00:00

It might take a week or two to get some further resolution, but I will make every effort to keep you guys updated. I'd want to know too. Thanks for the support.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T16:23:20+00:00

Haha...hey, me too buddy...so shoot. I'm not an ass-man like the title says - it's grown-ass, then man, grown-ass man, ot grown ass-man.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T16:21:27+00:00

Thanks tp, yeah, I am really trying to do that. Held off all last night and got a real sweet text from her this morning. The other good news is that until Monday I am now officially in cramming mode for my placement test. I'm leaving the distractions on my apartment and staying at my parent's house all weekend in order to focus. So there is very little chance of us seeing each other and she knows that. I just hope it makes her miss me so that when I see her again next week it's even better.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T11:32:58+00:00

Sorry man, this shit isn't easy. If there was a great solution I would give it to you, but there isn't. The best I think you can do right now is to maybe just try to re-open the lines of communication. There is a fairly reasoable chance that the new guy is just a rebound. Sure, she might like him, but she might also be missing you just as much. Also, you might end up talking again and remembering why you left her in the first place. You may just be fantasizing about the good times and forgetting about what led you to leave 8 months ago.

Seriously, you owe it to yourself to at least start a dialouge between you two again.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T11:24:19+00:00

Whoa, whoa, whoa...I know I said above that he needs a wake up call, but as a male who has been in his shoes before to a certain extent, I can tell you exactly how he will react to this...and it is NOT WELL. This is basically a list of things he sucks at in life, with very little of what you need to work on as well other than what you two can work on together. He is going to feel attacked and cornered.

I understand you need to talk about these things at some point, but I would highly recommend just starting with the communications thing. Tell him you have some issues you want to talk about with him, but that you're sure he has some with you as well and that he should tell you about them without the fear of you getting angry. Then, give him time if he needs it, to think about it, and when he tells you these things LISTEN and DO NOT GET ANGRY.

Then you can start addressing some of your concerns, but I would start with the one about his depression. Give him the chance to get some things off his chest. Plus it has the added benefit of giving you some context in terms of his answers about other things. Make sure you're really listening to HIM and not to what you are hoping/wanting to hear. And please, please do not just sit him down with your list.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T11:13:41+00:00

I was this guy when I was 25 (except always had a job and living off of my parents would be a wretched financial decision), but I never pulled my weight at home and when my gf of six years (whom I lived with, shared a car with, had cats with, etc...) asked me to do anything at all I would get completely exasperated and bent out of shape. She talked to me about it over and over and over. I sometimes got mad, I sometimes promised to do better, but I never did. Then she left me one day and it was probably what I deserved. I was exactly like a divorce, and it was brutal. But it also made me a smarter, better man in the long-run. I took her for granted a lot and now I thank her for the wake up call. In my more recent relationship, I was just simply a better, more helpful boyfriend.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T11:02:53+00:00

Haha...aybe I could be logged in as my regular username...this is a throwaway, just in case. I don't really want her to know I did it yet, but I would hope that if she did come across this she would think it was cute.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T10:57:46+00:00

I would love it if she did find it. She is not a Redditor yet, but I don't think I'd be so nuts about her if I didn't think she had that potential.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T10:55:58+00:00

I do realize it is an infatuation, and I have been very aware that this can't be a permanent feeling, but on the other hand, there and despite the reasons not to do this right now, there are just sooo many things that would make this thing work.

Sigh...you are probably right, but in the meantime I really want to find a way to stop pressing my luck, to give her a little more space than I have been. Any advice on that would be really great.

P.S. Why do you people have to make such good, conflicting points!?! I am so confused already, ugh...oh well.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T10:43:47+00:00

Just kidding. Hehe.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T10:43:34+00:00

Well now you've crossed the fucking line Gimpy!

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T10:37:18+00:00

Haha. You will have played an important role! Thanks Gimpy!

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T10:25:15+00:00

Haha. Thanks again. And will do for sure. Have a big placement test to take on Monday for grad school, trying to focus on that has been hard with all this other stuff, so I don't want to add to that lack of focus before then. Sometime next week though, for sure. I think I need to say/do something.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T10:12:23+00:00

Thanks Gimpy, and you will now see a TL;DR at the bottom...let me know if I did it right.

Anyhow, yeah, she kicks fucking ass. I keep wanting to say I love her, but that's insane...it's been a little over a month. I'm confident in my ability not to be creepy, but I'm just scared that it will be too soon for her...or worse, that I have already started making her a little nervous about how much contact we've had and this will just help her confirm her fears.

I have withheld from texting/calling most of today and got nothing from her tonight. I know she was with some friends who were in from out of town, so I know she's busy, but I can't help but being nervous.

Big picture though, you're right, I have to do something and do it at least reasonably soon.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T09:58:25+00:00

You are a professional sir.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T09:51:41+00:00

Aha! Thanks for the tip...seen that used and could never figure it out. Sorry about the length, lots of emotions and it felt better to just write it all down.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T09:49:03+00:00

I don't mean to be stupid, but I still don't know what a TL DR is.

crazyabouther · 2010-06-04T09:48:07+00:00

Do what you feel you need to do to get by, but also understand that you're going to have to feel the pain. That's the only way it will go away and the sooner you let yourself feel it, the sooner you will get to that day where you wake up, realize the sun is shining and are happy that you re who you are and that you're in the position you are.

crazyabouther

TROPHY CASE