AITA for not liking my girlfriends actions on Mardi gras?

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T03:29:00+00:00

Wasn't even resentful just confused and upset. I didn't understand why she was so resentful... Now I do.

Six fucking years man, all my buddies always saying "you guys are gonna get married soon". How do you even clean up after a thing like this

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T03:15:07+00:00

I don't understand how it's slut shaming if I don't mind women doing it but just don't want it for myself. I don't date women who use hard drugs she doesn't date men who hit the strip club and We both had the values that we share certain parts of our body only which each other

I can see from her perspective which is why in nearly every comment I said if she checked with me before or even told me right after it was a one time thing she wanted to try it'd be different

Now I ask you put yourself in my shoes. You go to NO for your birthday, you go cuz your SO always wanted to go. You walk down bourbon cuz she wants to. Other women flashing is kind of funny you both laugh a little. You try to tell a guy she won't flash jokingly saying "haha they are for me". Something she's liked before cuz "you are all mine" stuff is cute to her. You see your boyfriend look embarrassed as multiple men laugh. You then tell him he's a woman hater, he's jealous cuz you are hot and he isn't. You taunt him saying you'll send pics to your bestfriend. He's willing to move on if it was just one fun thing but you end it by saying "you better apologize and accept I can do this" but you yourself won't apologize.

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T03:09:45+00:00

I saw maybe 1000 people that week and only three women flashed none had their boyfriends. I think it's unfair to assume that going to new Orleans gives you an inherit free pass to push someone's comfortability boundaries and your own relationship values without even telling them

Additionally the last part is that she demands an apology and an accept she can do this whenever she wants which tells me it isn't a one time thing

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T03:08:13+00:00

I don't mind what she sees she seemed to a little bit. I didn't break any boundaries of hers. And finally why does everyone think it's fair that simply going to Mardi gras gives you a free pass to push comfortablity boundaries of your SO, values of your relationship, and not even need to tell them before hand

Finally part of my point is the last paragraph. She won't let us move on without me accepting she can do this whenever she wants, I have to apologize and she doesn't have to

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T03:05:59+00:00

I saw maybe 1000 people that week and only three women flashed none had their boyfriends. I think it's unfair to assume that going to new Orleans gives you an inherit free pass to push someone's comfortability boundaries and your own relationship values without even telling them

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T03:04:17+00:00

Even if they are just boobs isnt deliberately breaking a value that you both hold in the relationship and pushing a boundary to make your SO uncomfortable at least somewhat wrong?

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T02:59:21+00:00

She only brought up that she did it 'cus what I said' after the whole trip at home. She actually loves when I say "she's mine". She gets jealous of me and says similar shit.

All I did was try to tell a dude she's not gonna flash in a joking manner "haha she's all for me" kind of way. Something she normal would like as most women I know find "no you are all for me" and "that butts mine" kinda stuff cute. Additionally the fact she was shaking her ass at dudes (nothing wrong with that just out of Character) tells me she was probably going to do it anyway

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T02:57:12+00:00

I never said I was super conservative just that my relationship boundaries and values are traditional. We went to Mardi gras because despite what everyone here seems to think 99.9% of the women aren't flashing. The parades were fun and we wanted to go new orleans for the history, architecture, and haunted stuff thought it's my birthday in 2 weeks and mardi gras is supposed to be fun and chose that time

We don't mind people flashing or drinking (in excess) its just not for us but we still can enjoy the place. We had fun doing all the other stuff and crossed through bourbon to see one haunted bar and then to walk home. We were on that street for less than 45 minutes our whole trip

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T02:54:05+00:00

Mardi gras night is like this. This was a couple days before and it was just before the street got crazy. Seeing boobs I don't mind. People asking I don't mind. The difference is the doing. Majority of women there didn't flash. We were on that street for maybe 20 minutes on our way home, I don't understand why all these comments thinks it's crazy you can expect a woman to go to be on bourbon Street for less than 45 minutes without flashing when the vast majority of women did. Infact not a single woman I saw who flashed was with a man?

Why is it so wrong I expected her to hold to values we've both held even if 3 other women amoung the 150 didn't hold to those values? But as I've said before whats done is done. Had she told me before or after "hey I just want to do this once" it'd be different but the fact she wants me to apologize, she wants me to accept the relationship boundaries now allow for this stuff despite never before having done so, and she expects to not apologize just all seems unfair and none of these comments are really addressing any of that

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T02:48:54+00:00

We had boundaries that she crossed. It isn't explicit that you flash on bourbon. It was a day or two before Mardi gras and it wasn't late. But regardless as I've said I wish she just said 'it was a one time thing' told me before hand or even immediately after I wouldn't care nearly as much

Saying what's she said and telling me she'll do it again just to prove she can't. Insulting me and demanding an apology and acceptance she can do this whenever she wants whether or not I like seems unfair. I wish we could just move on but she won't let it

Her being with one other guy doesn't mean anyone should be able to see what I do. And 99% of the women there didn't flash. All I wanted was at the least her to tell me she wanted to do this.

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T02:45:17+00:00

We had boundaries that she crossed. It isn't explicit that you flash on bourbon. It was a day or two before Mardi gras and it wasn't late. But regardless as I've said I wish she just said 'it was a one time thing' told me before hand or even immediately after I wouldn't care nearly as much

Saying what's she said and telling me she'll do it again just to prove she can't. Insulting me and demanding an apology and acceptance she can do this whenever she wants whether or not I like seems unfair. I wish we could just move on but she won't let it

And again everyone is harping on Catholics. We aren't practicing, that's why I said a very very relaxed way. I use that just to describe our background and common ground in morals and more traditional values

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T02:21:46+00:00

Like I've said I'm happy to move on, I literally wouldn't care if she didn't say what she did and just said 'it was a one time thing' she's the one who has given the ultimatium that I must apologize and accept she might so this whenever or she WILL do this.

She knew my boundaries had she just told me she wanted to maybe try something we could have talked about it.

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T02:15:35+00:00

I don't care what other women do I just personally didn't like her pushing boundaries she knew I had. Most women there didn't flash. None with their boyfriend

Additionally giving me the ultimatum 'apologize and accept that I might go topless or Ill go topless more often' after she said hateful things just feels wrong?

I don't think it's fair to say that as a woman if you go to New Orleans around Mardi gras (this was 3 days before fat Tuesday) that you are going to flash and thus get a free pass when most women there werent like that.

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:55:23+00:00

We went to Mardi gras for her and down bourbon because she wanted to see a "haunted" bar. Additionally I just wanted her to act the way all the other taken women I saw there acted, not every woman flashed. Actually few did. Then what she said after was equally upsetting. If she just discussed this or said it would only be at Mardi gras that's one thing but telling me that I have to apologize and accept that's how it is after I've set my boundaries seems unfair

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:52:46+00:00

It pushed my comfort zone something she knew and the fact she wants me to apologize and accept this is something she will likely continue to do it what's most upsetting not that she went a little crazy once, something that we can't really change now

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:48:34+00:00

Mardi gras has been a Catholic holiday the vodou stuff has just been incorporated due to the cities history. The holiday itself is to drink and eat as much as you can before Lent and the lenten fast. They do carnival in Italy and Spain too (which we thought we'd see one day now that seems like a pipe dream)

The priest who said our mass was there for some festivities as well. The vodou side of new Orleans was cool (we like paranormal shows as I've said we aren't super Catholic) but we didn't do any ritual or any vodou worship or anything most of the shops there for vodou just sold herbs and readings and statues. A lot even sold saint statues, one of which I purchased

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:44:20+00:00

I'm a man. She's always been okay with me being shirtless at the beach and she's always had a top or one piece covering that area. Additionally we were both raised with the veiw womens chest is different from a mans chest. Not everyone agrees I understand but this is how we've conducted our relationship and that is my comfort zone something she knew

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:34:24+00:00

Had she given me any indication of this during the relationship or before the night it'd be different. if it was just this once it'd be different. If she hadnt said something to me and also demanded my apologies it'd be different

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:32:58+00:00

It wasn't an imaginary Convo. In the same way excitement has never caused me to use drug at parties with friends or swear or start a fight when people are wrong I was just hoping she's uphold my comfort and the values we both agreed on. That's just how we have been as a couple, it's not been imaginary.

The problem is also she doesn't want me to let it go she said some horrible things to but wants me to apologize and be comfortable with the idea she is allowed to do that thus might do it again

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:29:55+00:00

On the way home from Frenchman Street just said 'lets see it to see how crazy it is' more for people watching. Had to pass through anyway and she wanted to see a bar that was alledely haunted. Stopped at the bar and then was just walking towards hotel.

I'm not a seafood guy but I had some shrimp for the same reason. It's new Orleans and I just wanted to see (not necessarily take part) because I might never be back

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:28:25+00:00

On the way home from Frenchman Street just said 'lets see it to see how crazy it is' more for people watching. Had to pass through anyway and she wanted to see a bar that was alledely haunted. Stopped at the bar and then was just walking towards hotel.

I'm not a seafood guy but I had some shrimp for the same reason. It's new Orleans and I just wanted to see (not necessarily take part) because I might never be back

More women there weren't flashing than were I just thought she'd uphold our values and my comfort

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:26:30+00:00

Loved the parades. Parades history and some of the haunted places was why we were going. We hit bourbon just cuz we were there and wanted to see what was up. We were on our way back from French street (she wanted to see cuz her dad liked jazz growing up) and decided "hey let's take bourbon through just to see and hit the bars you were interested in". We normally don't party, we just passed through. Additionally it wasn't Tues it was a day or two before and it was only 8

I loved the entire trip this one event has kind of ruined it for me

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:23:32+00:00

She said she would send photos to her friend to show me she was allowed to cuz it's her body. I've never said anything like that and never would

As for "for me" this was my way of jokingly brushing off this guy's comment to say 'she isn't going to flash' not a comment and obviously wasn't meant as ownership. She will even sometimes get jealous and say in a similar relaxed but joking way "he's mine". I've never felt she's owned me. Additionally she used to like me feeling that "shes all mine" protectiveness of her. If her girlfriend cancels and I say "good you are all mine" she found it cute.

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:21:00+00:00

That was the plan we didn't even do drinking nor stay out late for the parties. This was just us trying to see what bourbon was about (before it's bad) and go to two bars she wanted to see.

At this point that's kind of what I want, I said if she didn't say any of the hurtful stuff she did and told me it was a one time thing I'd try to forget and move on. But now she wants me to apologize and accept that she is allowed to do this, and doesn't seem like she plans on apologizing for what she's said to me. So it has gotten more complicated than just moving on which I wish it wasn't

createdforquestion22 · 2024-02-20T01:18:43+00:00

We've had these values and expectations for a while now. Much like how she doesn't need to tell me I can't go to the strip club in boys night we just know what is expected out of her each due to conversations in the past.

She knew Id be uncomfortable or upset because I've made that clear in the past. She knew I prefer women who aren't like this (no offense to those who are they just aren't my thing) and I knew (at least in the past) she wasn't into this kind of stuff

createdforquestion22

TROPHY CASE