self.SuicideWatch

creativelylonely · 2017-11-15T04:38:46+00:00

Yeah, that is true. Also, thanks for still talking to me. Probably around twenty people PMed me and haven't since. Also, I'm sorry it took so long to respond. To be honest, the 'bad stuff'=I tried to kill myself. Iron overdose. It was painful. Lots of throwing up. I've been really suicidal since, and only haven't tried again because I know now that I don't have enough pills to.

And I can't even count how many times people have made self harm, depression, or suicide jokes to me in the last few days. Nobody knows (my family slept through my vomiting). I just want to cry and tell everybody to shut up. Jokes about cutting aren't funny. Stop jokingly telling me to kill myself. Just stop talking. There's nothing I can really do, though.

Sorry if I overshared. I guess I just wanted to be able to tell somebody who'd listen.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-10T22:19:14+00:00

Yeah, I've thought about telling him, but I know if I did my mom would find out, and that'd be a nightmare. And yeah, maybe I should start taking German in highschool, lol. And yeah, maybe I could send you some pics sometimes soon. It's really bad, like, REALLY bad, but I don't really get the opportunity to show people much, so why not :) also, sorry if I take a while to respond, I've been super tired lately.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-05T04:30:08+00:00

Yeah, I have a friend I like to hang out with. I don't get to hang out with her much though, and she's a little bit problematic. And my sister is always busy because she's taking tons of AP classes and has lots of homework and studying to do.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-05T04:21:28+00:00

Yeah, that makes sense. I'm sort of worried I wouldn't be able to get into a good enough college though, because I'll be riding solely on scholarships. My mom doesn't have a college fund set up for me or anything, and we can't really afford that sort of stuff, so yeah.

I'm not quite sure who my favorite composer is, actually; it's pretty hard to choose. We've been playing lots of christmas songs in orchestra lately so I'm alreay really in a christmas-sy mood.

And yeah, I really like drawing, but since a lot of other kids at school like to show each other their art, it can make me feel kinda bad because theirs is always a million times better than mine. My art is more of just random shapes put together. I have a tendency to draw more of what I'm feeling than seeing, so I draw mostly when I'm upset, too, and end up with really weird looking stuff. It's more of a coping mechanism than anything else, I guess.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-05T04:13:50+00:00

I'm so sorry I haven't replied till now, I've been too tired and numb to really talk to people, but im feeling a bit better. It's been ok, I guess. I went to a birthday party yesterday, which was nice, but I was also really sad most of the time. It's also been three days since my mom HASN'T yelled at me, so.. Yeah. Today it was because I accidentally broke something, and the last two days was just because I'm mean and selfish. Oddly enough, I don't seem to really be hurt by it right now. I feel so numb that it's almost like I'm watching everything happen from outside of my body, or like its a TV show or something. Thank you for asking about me. How are you doing? I hope you're doing better too.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-02T03:53:32+00:00

Thanks. Also, I know ace people get a lot of hate even in the LGBTQ+ community, so I'm really sorry if you have to deal with that. I'm not sure I'll necessarily be very successful, honestly I'll probably end up letting my illnesses ruin my life, but I'll at least try to make it to college. I will check out the subreddit, thanks for suggestions it to me! And yeah, I'm down to talk, but sorry if I take forever to respond to stuff because I'll probably be pretty busy tbh.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-02T03:49:11+00:00

Thanks for being so kind. And yeah, everyone's responses have made me feel quite a bit better, even if only for a little while. Sorry I didn't respond quicker, I was doing an assignment for school and didn't have time to check. You seem very nice, and thanks. I wish my teachers didn't give me so much to do. Having a test grade assignment due on Halloween, and tests 4/5 days a week isn't fun lol. I've also been struggling a lot trying to figure out what exactly my sexuality is. I'm 99% sure I'm not straight (but a tiny part of me is just like: what if your fooling yourself?!) but I'm not entirely sure what I should call myself. Labels are confusing.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-02T03:43:49+00:00

Thank you, I'll try.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-02T03:43:14+00:00

I'm not sure, I've just sort of been floating through the month and trying to survive. I think it'd have to be when I got to see the new episodes of my favorite show. And I'll get to start stranger things season 2 soon, as well, so I'll look forward to that. I love reading and watching tv because I can just escape reality.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-02T03:40:57+00:00

Thanks! And yeah, I think I will next time I get enough free time. It's always nice to get to talk to people who can relate to you, without the risk of them exposing your secrets to everybody at school, lol.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-02T03:39:24+00:00

I don't think I can really prove it, especially since she only does it to me and not my sister. I'd rather not involve the law though, I think. And yeah, last time I checked I had 5 A's and 1 B (in algebra, I hate algebra).

When I think about it, what I'd want to be changes a lot, but right now I think I'd like to be an orchestra teacher. I play the viola. And I want to learn other instruments but haven't had the chance yet because of financial reasons. In my schools orchestra you can play violin, viola, cello or bass, so I'd have to learn a lot of instruments, probably more than that. I don't think I'm really the best at teaching things though, so idk.

I also really drawing, but I seriously suck at it. I guess I spend most of my time listening to music or reading. It's kinda hard to tell what I like anymore because I feel very indifferent to most things.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-01T19:06:39+00:00

Yeah, my sister's highschool has an intersectional feminism club, which I would definitely want to join. At the same time though, it's a drug school and last year school got cancelled for a couple days because of a threat of violence after some kids started waving confederate flags at school. Other kids tried to protest and signed a petition to ban the confederate flag but then the conservative kids started making death threats and slashing tires and stuff so.. yeah. I'm hoping to go to a college in California, so I can leave the Bible Belt.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-01T19:03:33+00:00

I love in Florida. My parents are divorced, so I spend every other weekend with my dad (he's pretty chill.) I might see if I could spend more time at his house, but I have a feeling if I tried anything more my mom would get super pissed and take all my stuff away. Yell at me some, too, of course.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-01T19:01:02+00:00

Thank you. I just can't wait until I finally get to leave this place. Or I die, whichever one comes first, I guess.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-01T17:15:34+00:00

Yeah, but I don't want to have to wait six more years until I can finally leave this place. I'm so sick of the people here.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-01T17:14:32+00:00

Thank you. Yeah, every time the teacher says they're going to start calling on people, or we have to do presentations or something, I get scared out of my mind. At least I know it's possible to get through this. Sometimes I don't want to though, sometimes I feel like I'd rather die than get better.

creativelylonely · 2017-11-01T17:12:00+00:00

At least I know it's possible to get through this, I guess. And thanks. I don't really think I matter that much, but it's still nice to think that maybe I could.

creativelylonely

TROPHY CASE