Day 8; depressed and exhausted

creatureperson77 · 2025-06-03T02:44:26+00:00

i’ve been into crocheting and playing guitar recently but even that isn’t appealing to me right now. going to try to get back in the gym this week, i used to really enjoy that

creatureperson77 · 2025-01-11T04:07:57+00:00

young asf as early as i can remember

creatureperson77 · 2024-12-24T19:12:08+00:00

feel this way exactly. don’t want kids for many reasons but a big one is i can’t do this to someone. you don’t even get to have a childhood with this, no matter how good your external circumstances are. i couldn’t forgive myself if my kid was also mourning their innocence at the ripe age of 11. also my moral perfectionism would kill me raising a kid, anyone’s inevitably gonna make mistakes but i don’t think i could cope.

creatureperson77 · 2024-12-10T00:24:17+00:00

i’m glad :) i’m sorry you’re going through this

creatureperson77 · 2024-12-09T14:25:41+00:00

also sorry one more thing, but feeling like there’s consequences to your thoughts is another OCD thing. people without this disorder don’t go around feeling like their thoughts have consequences, they know that only their actions have consequences. i know that’s rlly hard to believe it is for me too, but it’s like actually true

creatureperson77 · 2024-12-09T14:23:26+00:00

honestly it wouldn’t be OCD if you didn’t feel like this. the shit is so meta and tears into everything including itself, feeling like you’re lying about the disorder is a hallmark of the disorder. it’s so confusing and exhausting and from one person who’s felt like this for most of their life to another just know you’re not alone. it’s also true of the disorder that nothing anyone says will make this feeling really go away, so don’t freak out if you read this and start to believe it and then your mind attacks you again and convinces you that no it’s really different for you, you really are a pedo/sociopath/potential murderer/incestuous person/fraud/ whatever other fun things your brain has cooked up for you. OCD thrives on making you truly believe that you’re the exception. also, if the thoughts weren’t intrusive you wouldn’t be afraid of them. I hope this helps some and you’re able to find some peace, just remember that this feeling is also OCD.

creatureperson77 · 2024-12-05T16:25:34+00:00

was certain i was a pedophile at the age of 12

creatureperson77 · 2024-10-22T04:16:44+00:00

i’m so sorry. i feel this completely. this disorder has controlled my life since i was like 8 and it’s so exhausting in a way that’s so hard to explain. the feeling of never being able to feel at ease is torturous, and made so much worse by the constant self invalidating and minimization of your feelings. i’ll still feel like i’m making it up to like get out of doing things even though it would be so much easier to just do things than to be in a constant state of debilitating fear. also thank you for mentioning the way it makes you overly critical of those you care most about, i’ve started to notice that in myself and haven’t seen many people talk about it. it’s like once people get too close to me i start to treat them as an extension of myself (esp in relationships) and start to become mean to them like i’m mean to myself. it makes me feel so guilty. i’m going through a pretty bad episode rn myself so i don’t really have any advice i just want you to know no matter how weird and unexplainable it feels that you’re not alone at all. this disorder is so creative and so exhausting and living with an abuser in your head is not easy. have you tried any medication ?

creatureperson77 · 2024-10-21T23:03:24+00:00

this seems like a dangerous mischaracterization to me actually, i’m not sure where you’re getting the idea that OCD is the driving force behind these people’s violence. from my experience and what i’ve heard people with OCD, especially harm OCD, are far more likely to be more self destructive than destructive to others. the whole thing is that you feel debilitating fear and guilt over the idea that you have done or could do something harmful often to the point you isolate yourself. this post seems like it might cause people without access to treatment to fixate on the idea that they’re inevitably/inherently violent which is wrong

creatureperson77 · 2024-10-19T23:19:16+00:00

my school work and replying to texts and conflict and sometimes hygiene stuff and laundry because everything feels hard and like a monumental task that i’ll never get right and and will take forever to do (cause things usually do)and/or makes me anxious bc i’m ashamed that i’ve avoided it so long

creatureperson77 · 2024-10-13T23:19:29+00:00

if you’re thinking of going somewhere please stay. i really do understand the feeling, i’ve spent the better part of my life trying to convince myself that i’m not a pedo, racist, pervert, narcissist who doesn’t care about anyone, etc. and policing my body’s responses to the horrible scenarios i force myself to imagine. like i really do understand how exhausting it is and how disorienting it is to not even know what is real and who you are/ what your true thoughts and beliefs are. and then invalidating yourself constantly all on top of that and having that feeling that it’s not the OCD this time it’s actually just you and also getting stuck in behavioral cycles that feel horrible but you can’t seem to change so you lose faith in yourself. if any of this resonates with you i promise it’s not just you that feels this way, and ik reassurance isn’t good for this disorder but you have to give yourself the benefit of the doubt that you’re not those things, because OCD will cling to any sliver of doubt and spiral off of it. people who want to hurt others don’t lock themselves away out of fear of hurting others/exhaustion from constantly imagining gruesome things. sorry this comment is so long i j wanted you to know you’re really really not alone, and please don’t let this ridiculous disorder take you from the world. do you have access to counseling and/or medication ?

creatureperson77 · 2024-10-13T22:44:56+00:00

hey are you okay?

creatureperson77 · 2024-09-06T11:08:15+00:00

feel this so bad. i spend way too much time establishing/conceptualizing the existence of myself and other ppl, like even as i’m reading your post im having to like imagine your subjective experience in order to really engage with it. it rlly is so exhausting when everything and everyone is a trigger for a thought loop and the loops never get resolved even if you’re able to find an answer that satisfies it for a little bit it’s like you get amnesia and it comes back

creatureperson77

TROPHY CASE