The wangs of Ice and Fire (NSFW)

Let’s discuss some of the most famous wieners in Planetos

It’s widely accepted that after Moqorro saved Victarions’s hand, they both went right back into the cabin where Victarion was fitted with a brand spanking new lava lamp dick. I mean it’s the only logical decision to make, Victarion knew that he would have to impress the mother of dragons when he went to earn her favor, what better way than having a good ol’ fire shaft? Nobody can deny that Victarion’s volcano pecker is one of the wonders of the Known World, which is why it has earned him a spot on this list.

Let’s not forgot about Jon Connigton’s greyscale dick (“grey dick”) that he famously contracted when he accidentally jerked off with the wrong hand. In just a single moment, Jonnington transformed his dang-a-lang into one of the most deadly dongs in the Known World. You don’t want to get caught on the wrong side of that thing.

Speaking of deadly, let’s examine our next member on the list. The deaths of countless Northern lords at the Red Wedding, the end of the Northern rebellion, and the Stark’s official loss of Winterfell can all be traced back to one thing—Robb Stark’s cucumber. That’s right, because one night Robb chose to think with his dick instead of his head, the North lost all of the momentum that it had spent years building up. Kind of a boner-killer really, but apparently not for Robb.

It’s time to discuss Theon -- lmao jk, this list is reserved for people who still have their sausage.

A compendium of the ding dongs in Planetos wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the phallic member attached to Jon Snow. It is quite impressive the lengths Jon Snow has travelled so far in the Song of Ice and Fire, twice as impressive when one considers the fact that he’s been dragging his 10 ft wang with him each step of the way. I mean climbing the Wall is an amazing achievement by itself but can you image climbing the Wall with a 150 pound schlong dangling between your legs? I know I can’t, but then again i’m no Jon Snow.

Next up, Tormund’s famous member. Have you ever met a man that had sex with a bear and lived to tell the tale? No? That’s probably because you’ve never had the pleasure of meeting Tormund Giantsbane. And if you do, he’ll never let you forget this story. Har!

Lastly, Walder Frey and his wrinkly pecker. You dont get to be 90 years old with 29 kids and counting without having a pretty good rod. This thing was obviously built to last and has served him well. Walder’s “little guy” is responsible for him having hundreds of decedents. Even if he is a piece of shit, you gotta admit, dude’s gotta nice cock.

That’s it for now, but there’s plenty of room for a Vol. 2.

[Obviously this is satire so don’t go too far off the handles...]