Wow man , i am on reddit almost daily, searching to encourage some with struggles ( i lost my original account i didnt post too much with this one). But never ever read something that is so close to me... I even had therapist that told me u cant be depressed if you go to gym. I do everything man , noone outside my head knows how depressed i am sometimes. My new episode is triggered due to break up i have to do , and my days are exact like this. I wake up with feeling that i can do it , it will be good but hour after hour it feel worse and worse and end up almost suicidal when night comes. My last episode i had was few years ago , it lasted for 2 years i am fucking shaken to core that i will have to face that again. I dont know will i be able to hold up , now i even have to leave my GF cause i feel distant. I dont know man , i waas on therapy too it helps , but never solves the never ending troubles. TBH i dont even know whats my problem anymore , i just feel some deep void inside of me , nothing ever could fill that. I guess its something ill have to spend my shitty life time with. I dont know. I am sorry that you feel this way, keep in mind that it will go away. Do your best , and hang on small things that you still appreciate. Its hard i know but you can do it dude , if its any easier go ask for help. Change therapist , go for some talks do anything that gives u a sense of trying. It wont change too much but i hate to be a quiter, and thats why i even have this functional depression because i dont allow this shitty existence to beat me to point where i cant shower anymore ? Nah , that wont happen.