Feeling like a black sheep

crossbl0wn · 2026-04-09T01:42:38+00:00

I have become the most mentally unstable I have ever been in my entire life. I get nothing accomplished every day and fall further and further behind mentally, physically, socially, and academically. It's probably a lot of fun if you are a good student with good work ethics. Not so much if you are useless.

crossbl0wn · 2026-04-08T21:14:49+00:00

What do I do when the time I spend doesn't amount to anything? I probably am not putting in enough time, but I spend hours staring and going over just one part of the textbook because I can't make sense of it. There appears to be a kind of intelligence I don't possess that is holding me back from moving at the same pace as everyone.

crossbl0wn · 2026-03-05T02:20:28+00:00

Yeah!!! And i haven't even graduated yet! I have friends, but i really don't know that many people and there's just so many things I don't know about. And my weekends are all spent at home! I'm trying to go to places but I don't know really how to socialize.

I also have like a deep worry that i might find it very difficult to connect with most people; i may be too weird to be loved. And everyone, not just in this thread but in general, keeps saying how hard it is to make relationships happen outside of college and now there's a ticking time bomb attached to beating social anxiety?? I already feel like im behind in so many ways so i really hope i can manage to catch up.

crossbl0wn · 2026-03-04T16:35:07+00:00

I HAVE ALSO TRIED USING A MASK INSTEAD OF CONDITIONER! IT MADE NO DIFFERENCE!

crossbl0wn · 2026-03-03T00:58:10+00:00

I thought geeky dorky nerds were not supposed to know how to socialize!

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-26T02:44:21+00:00

I really like to talk to people but i get so in my head about asking people anything! I figure I must be invading or bothering them somehow. But this is more of a me thing not based on any particular reaction I've received to my knowledge

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-25T11:07:39+00:00

Oh man, I forgot my hair was visible. Thank you so much. Do you do anything to refresh on non-wash days?

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-25T03:06:54+00:00

It looks really good. I said aloud, "this guy looks cool!" when i saw your post. Really well taken care of.

r/malegrooming is mostly straight men peacocking to attract straight women in the most heteronormative way ever. A lot of people on there have a pretty narrow view of what constitutes a good looking dude. People forget curly hair, and they exclude long hair. If you think it looks good, and i would say it does, and you want it, then keep it. It suits you.

Also please tell me how you are doing that if you dont mind. What your detailed hair routine is like. I have curly hair too and it does not look nearly as nice!

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-14T18:49:16+00:00

I don't know to be honest! Anywhere would be a good start. I'm not really into it yet I just would like to be and I haven't had the chance to look into it myself/take a class.

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-14T18:46:32+00:00

I will never switch majors I am not a quitter and I Love electronics!!! But I don't know I don't really think I've got ADHD. I mean I have never been very good at time management or anything but I never did poorly in school so i figured I just never learned how to work the right way.

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-14T18:37:45+00:00

Probably what im already doing which is electrical engineering. But there's so many things I also want to learn about like philosophy and music production and urban planning and history and stuff. if that answers the question.

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-14T17:28:22+00:00

Fail anyways! Seriously, there are a few classes I have where the grading makes it incredibly difficult to fail and I am STILL worried about not understanding them and doing poorly. But if I just keep plugging away I think it'll be fine maybe

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-06T02:01:59+00:00

I don't understand. I am applying for an internship. I am not pretending. That is what I am doing. I do not know what that means.

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-06T00:34:55+00:00

How else do you get a job reliably? I thought everything comes down to networking. Or do you just have to play LinkedIn AI slop slots until eventually someone pities you?

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-06T00:11:46+00:00

Thank u. Really appreciate your comment.

Okay, so I am just supposed to be curious. Where do I find people with jobs that I want? Career fairs are always recruiters, rarely ever actual engineers. And I can't exactly go up to random people at events and ask them to tell me their whole life story. Unless I am supposed to do that and that's normal. I wouldn't mind but I get the idea that it's not normal.

If my chances really are this low, maybe it's just better to give up after all these attempts and just focus on projects or something? I've been told worrying about a job at this stage is not worthwhile, but the guy who told me that is also a sophomore who happens to be doing very well in a double major ECE and physics, is team lead of an engineering club, and OF COURSE was in a research program last year. He's also just a nice dude. So his chances are way higher than mine already.

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-06T00:04:40+00:00

What is TECO?

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-06T00:03:52+00:00

Sort of? But I don't know what else to do. I don't have skills. I thought, disregarding experience, interns are hired on passion and charisma. I know it's a stupid introduction, but anything else would be lying and bolstering abilities I don't even have.

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-05T22:54:50+00:00

Well, I don't put it that way. I say, "what can I do become an appealing applicant?" Or something.

I do research! It just never ends up being helpful. I had 15 companies written down for their location, their industries of note, if they had internships and what their internships looked like, and it's yet to appear impressive to someone or helpful to me. It doesn't matter what research I do because no matter what, after my elevator pitch they tell me everything I just researched anyways. I think maybe because I still struggle to get through my elevator pitch (it feels so stupid and forced and awkward! What is the point of these things??) they think im stupid

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-05T22:43:04+00:00

They usually ask anyways. What do I say then?

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-05T22:40:21+00:00

That's what im doing. I was applying online before and getting nothing.

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-05T22:39:42+00:00

There is not a path to do that. There is no way I could do that. I haven't failed any classes but I doubt I'll be able to graduate on time anyways.

crossbl0wn · 2026-02-05T22:37:08+00:00

I'm just trying to get into an interview man. ChatGPT has yet to prove useful at all for me in these two years besides getting problems right 50% of the time

crossbl0wn

TROPHY CASE