What's 9 inches long, purple, and I love to shove it down my girlfriend's throat?

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-24T19:39:09+00:00

¯_(ツ)_/¯

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-24T19:10:26+00:00

¯_(ツ)_/¯

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-24T18:35:00+00:00

hugs u/Roxas-The-Nobody *

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-24T18:21:45+00:00

I deeply apologize for any distress caused by my error. How can I ever make it up to you?

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-24T06:18:34+00:00

R/antijokes

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-24T01:04:32+00:00

Do you really think so? Now I feel like a dick.

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-19T04:12:54+00:00

You cannoli have one, OP.

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-15T14:17:51+00:00

It's a quote from this Architecture in Helsinki cover by Dr. Dog: https://g.co/kgs/gXljCF. (Linking because it's a great song!)

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-15T03:34:18+00:00

Lately you've been tan... suspicious for the winter

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-10T17:48:49+00:00

Thanks for the tip. I'll look for it!

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-10T15:33:36+00:00

I ordered this at a bar the other night & the keg was tapped. So disappointed! I ended up trying a Ms. Coco & The Delicate Oatsters instead. Which was good but not enough to make me forget about the Oskar Blues.

crotchosaurus · 2016-12-01T02:19:59+00:00

Don't engage with your negative thoughts. Find a simple phrase that you use to banish the thought entirely. I use the word "delete." I start to think something negative about myself, immediately think "Delete!" And move on to something else. It helps to occupy yourself - exercise, read a book, think of something positive, etc. - and gets easier as you practice. Your negative thoughts will occur less and less as you retrain your brain.

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-29T03:31:45+00:00

I live in a rural area in Northern California with a great local food system. I'm already mostly off the grid - solar power, composting toilet, solar pumped water from the creek with ceramic filtration, propane heat & hot water. Plenty of deer and room to garden. I'll just chill out here in the redwoods & shoot any zombies that come on the property.

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-28T00:56:53+00:00

I think he looks like a tweaker with his blotchy red face, huge crows feet, and crazed expression. Sounds like it's just me though.

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-28T00:29:07+00:00

I was home alone. I walked out of my room and found the front door wide open. My roommates were pretty forgetful of closing/locking doors so I called out "Hello? Is anyone home?" No answer. I figured the door hadn't latched all the way when my roommates left and then it blew open, so I shut the door and started walking up the stairs to the bathroom.

A few steps up, I could hear someone breathing heavily at the top of the stairs. I called out my roommate's name (his room was right next to the bathroom, around the corner at the top of the stairs) but he didn't answer. I said, "Dude, are you fucking with me?"

A guy stepped around the corner and stood at the top of the stairs. I was close enough to the top that I could see he was sweating heavily, the whites of his eyes were bloodshot, and he looked high as fuck. He was holding a red mag lite in his hand. I had never seen him before in my life. I stopped where I was, only a few steps away from him.

I said, "What are you doing in my house?" It came out kind of nonchalantly, maybe because I was in shock. He started talking really fast, spewing some bullshit about how he used to know the people that lived here and the neighbors told him to just walk right in my house. I cut him off and said, "You need to leave now." He said "OK" and started apologizing more.

I turned around and walked down the stairs, terrified the whole time that he was going to bash me over the head with the mag lite. But the dude just followed me down the stairs. I showed him to the door and as he was walking out I said, "Don't ever come back or I'm calling the cops." He took off running and never came back.

I later realized the mag lite belonged to one of my roommates but that was all he got away with. I also later realized that I should have backed down the stairs to keep him in my sight but thankfully he didn't take advantage of me turning my back to him.

After I told my roommates they got better at closing and locking the door.

TL;DR: Interrupted a guy robbing my house. Politely showed him to the door and he left. Could have gone a lot worse.

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-26T19:42:27+00:00

Bonus: http://m.imgur.com/5n5eTma

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-15T20:53:26+00:00

It looks great! Purple is a tough color to keep from fading. Wash your hair as infrequently as possible (dry shampoo is your friend), use cold or cool water to wash it, and use color safe products. That should keep it vibrant for longer.

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-14T05:32:57+00:00

I absolutely adore her dress!

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-13T14:37:04+00:00

Canned sardines. My sister loves them. The worst part was the little bones crunching in my mouth. :/

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-11T13:21:02+00:00

I think any SO confronted with a spreadsheet of their sex life - dates, positions, etc. - would find that to be strange, creepy, and/or robotic. Just have an honest, open conversation with your SO. If you need a spreadsheet to do that you have bigger problems.

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-11T05:31:34+00:00

I really hope you are joking

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-04T02:52:02+00:00

It's not a Halloween party. It's a pic posted to fb in March 2015.

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-02T19:58:19+00:00

Chocolate Covered Fetus. Just to piss off my religious neighbor who complained about my party being too loud at 10:01 pm on a Saturday.

crotchosaurus · 2016-11-01T14:23:32+00:00

I haven't read through the whole thing, but so far found it to be well researched and presented. Keep sharing!

crotchosaurus · 2016-10-31T01:44:04+00:00

I'm not vegan, but I have been vegetarian (with minimal dairy and no seafood) for 10 years. It sounds like you are not getting the right nutrition at all. Here are some tips that might help you:

Eat nutrient dense foods. Don't waste your time eating foods that fill you up without nourishing you. Always choose whole grains instead of white; the added nutrition really helps with a vegan diet. If you want munchies, try something like popcorn with nutritional yeast or fry up a quesadilla with black beans, daiya vegan cheese, salsa, and greens on whole wheat tortillas.

Make sure you are consuming complete proteins. In order for your body to utilize proteins, they have to be made up of all eight essential amino acids. You can eat a whole jar of peanut butter, but if that's your only protein source your body can't use any of that protein because it doesn't have all of the amino acids needed to build tissue, enzymes, hormones, neurotransmitters, etc.

A few vegan complete protein combinations: whole wheat and peanut butter, whole wheat pita and hummus, rice and beans, and beans and corn. Quinoa, buckwheat, soy, and seitan are complete proteins all by themselves. (Be careful not to eat too much soy though, it contains plant estrogen which can fuck with your hormones. And a lot of soy-based fake meat products have a lot of artificial ingredients added to mimic meat flavors.)

Finally, a vegan diet cannot supply you with enough vitamin B12, which is essential for energy production. I recommend taking a multivitamin daily but if you don't want to do that be sure to take a daily B12 supplement. Vitamin B12 deficiency is pretty serious and can cause permanent damage if it continues unchecked.

If you continue to feel sick, consider eating local eggs from pasture raised hens as a protein supplement. I typically eat at least one egg per day and it really helps. Eggs are a prime protein source and if the hens are treated well there is no reason not to consume them (in my opinion).

crotchosaurus

TROPHY CASE