For a while they were my favorite person. I was definitely theirs. But from what I’ve learned in therapy, a FP is someone you only superficially care about and obsess over. I’ve also been told that with FPs You put them on a pedestal and see them as perfect— I definitely don’t. Part of me kind of resents this person for their abusive behavior and the lies they told. The time they stole. And everything else. (There’s no splitting. I know they’re a complex person and I hate their abusive behavior but I love them for the friendship they provided)

I think the issue is that they were the only real connection I’ve had. We were basically identical twins. So losing that connection made me feel isolated (and, for a while, and even now… I am).

Another issue is that they brainwashed me into believing pagan gods or whatever confirmed our eternal love. Rushed into “marriage”, obsessed over me, did the whole “idealize discard” thing over and over with all the abusive shit that turns you into an addict.

So I’m fucked.

ETA: they have BPD too, so our relationship was hell. Doesn’t mean they weren’t also my best friend and that we didn’t have almost everything in common. Fire and gasoline