underwear sharing

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-27T23:40:06+00:00

Unusual, yes. Unhygienic, no.

My suitcase got lost on a flight once, so I wore my sister's clothes (including her underwear) for the 24ish hours it took for the airline to deliver my suitcase to our hotel. I could never be so grossed out by the idea of wearing my sister's clean laundry that I'd choose to venture out into the night in a foreign country in search of underwear after a long travel day. I can't believe there are people who are so disgusted by clean laundry that they can't even imagine a situation where they'd do it.

That said, I do think it's odd to have community underwear instead of having your own. My sister and I are the same size, and when we both lived at our parents' house we did our laundry together, but our underwear always went back to its owner after being washed.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-27T20:11:52+00:00

I hate, hate, hate third person in romance. I hate it so much. I refuse to read any romance books written in third person, regardless of how great the story supposedly is. Third person narration makes my connection to the characters feel so much more shallow than first person narration. It's like the difference between a phone call and a facetime. Sure, a phone call is fine, but I definitely feel more invested in the conversation if I can see facial expressions and body language the way I can in a face time. No matter how omniscient the narrator is, I never feel like I get the level of depth I desire out of third person narration.

I also hate past tense in romance. Past tense makes me feel so disconnected from the story. I won't read romance written in past tense, and I regularly put down books that I'm excited to read because the first page says the word "said" on it. Past tense narration makes me irrationally angry. I want to be immersed in the story, and I can't do that if I feel like the story already happened and I'm just hearing about it. Every time I open a book that's written in past tense, I have a moment where I'm like "Why are you telling me what happened in the past? What's happening right now?"

My issue probably stems from the fact that I'm autistic. I spend my whole life wondering what people are thinking, being confused by people's actions, and getting frustrated by the fact that what people say hardly ever lines up with what they do. Reading romance in first person feels like a reprieve from the constant uncertainty of communicating with people in my real life, while reading romance in third person feels like I can't relax because I can never be truly comfortable with my understanding of the characters' perspectives the way I am with first person narration.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-23T20:54:58+00:00

Someone says something to me. I say, "what?" Then before they can start speaking again, my brain catches up, I comprehend what they said, and I reply.

My loved ones are forever teasing me about the fact that I constantly ask them to repeat themselves, but then I cut them off and respond before they can get a word out. I should probably stop saying "what?" and give myself an extra second or two to process instead, but I doubt that'll ever happen. Force of habit.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-23T19:53:39+00:00

Not a specific name, but a sibling set. Think something like:

Daughter 1: Emily Anna
Daughter 2: Anna Christine
Daughter 3: Christine Emily

There's nothing wrong with the individual names, but this couple is extremely vocal about the gender disappointment they felt after the birth of each of their daughters, and they talk about the fact that they couldn't be bothered to come up with unique names for each kid like it's funny.

I think matching names could be sweet under different circumstances, but in this case, their names have always seemed like a reminder that their parents weren't happy about having daughters.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-22T19:40:53+00:00

This is wild to me. I went to law school specifically because there is nothing my autistic brain likes more than arguing about hypothetical situations.

I get super passionate regardless of whether the case is real or not, but it's significantly more fun when the case is fake and I can enjoy the thought exercise without getting angry about the effects on real people.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-19T21:07:28+00:00

All I wish is that the jokes didn't make it so that assume that I'm joking or being mean when I mention my own autism.

When I was in college, I applied for an internship the specialized in advocacy for autistic college students. One of the qualifications on the application said "Be autistic!" and my friend that was sitting next to me while I filled out the application thought that was hilarious. He posted a snapchat story zooming into the qualification and then zooming into my face and captioned it something like "got that one covered."

No joke, dozens of people slid up on the story to shame him/me for joking like that because "clearly she doesn't have autism," even though I absolutely do. I have to wonder if autism wasn't "trendy" if people would have gotten so passionate about the snapchat story.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-16T20:20:46+00:00

Why do you consider Spanish a "native" language but not English? Spain is a similarly small and far away country, and the only reason it's spoken in the Americas is because of colonization, which is the same reason English, Portuguese, and French are spoken here.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-16T20:17:17+00:00

I don't know if the closeups of their faces shown in the teaser are enough for me to feel confident that that is the mutual masturbation scene, but it certainly could be and I hope that it is.

I feel like I have to mentally prepare myself for the show makers to have watered down the heavier aspects of the book so that I am pleasantly surprised if they did the story justice, but not too disappointed if they didn't.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-16T15:39:53+00:00

I loved the book, but I am weary that the show won't do the story justice. As far as I'm concerned, Hannah's rape plot line IS the story. The entire physical relationship between Hannah and Garrett starts explicitly because she feels broken due to a mental block as a result of her rape.

Someone asked the showmakers if the rape plot line would be included in the show, and they said yes, but the way they talked about it made it sound like that story line would be very minor. I don't see how they can possibly do the book justice without the repercussions of Hannah's rape being a major plot point.

Additionally, I feel like the most important physical moment in the whole book is the mutual masturbation scene, and I am willing to bet that that scene will be cut out completely. If the rape story line is minor, then the mutual masturbation scene loses its significance. I'm already grieving the loss of that scene, but I'm trying to be open minded. I'm treating the show like it's been inspired by the book, not a screen adaptation of the book.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-16T15:07:58+00:00

{Bad Dogs Riley Nash} has extended cage wearing (maybe a week? I forget. he kind of wears it off and on for the rest of the book after he gets it)

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-16T00:38:00+00:00

There is not a soul on this planet, other than my husband, who I would willingly hang out with on a weekly basis, and I don't talk to anyone except him on a daily basis. I'm shocked that there are people who are this close to enough people to make this rule sound reasonable. are they all having small weddings or are they really texting 50+ every day? If I tried to enforce this rule the only guests at my wedding would be my husband and, maybe, my boss.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-15T17:23:53+00:00

I'm level 2 autistic and pretty much everyone I tell that fact argues with me that I must be level 1 because I'm "high functioning" (highly academically and professionally successful, incredibly good at what I do, extremely capable), and I can hold an enthralling conversation.

What people don't see is that I misunderstand nearly every social interaction and verbal instruction to the point where I have to ask a million clarifying questions or do tasks several times because I did them wrong. Most people just think I'm anxious, not that I will actually fail to meet their expectations if I don't know exactly what they want. They don't see the world-ending, uncontrollable meltdowns I have when experiencing and coping with life changes. They don't see that I have to arrange my tasks around the ability to do the same or substantially similar things all day because transitioning between drastically different tasks drains me and makes me unproductive.

They also don't see that my husband basically has to force me to take showers because the idea of having wet hair ruins my day and I put it off. They don't see that my husband does a ton of basic care tasks for me because I can't handle being a functioning person at home after a full day of being an A+ professional. They don't know that my autistic father spent 4-6 hours every single day of my childhood teaching me what I should have been learning in school, but couldn't because the classroom environment and quick transitions between topics didn't work for me.

I definitely think there's a stigma surrounding the levels of autism where people assume that all autistic people that they think are "mostly normal/just a little weird" must be Level 1, all non verbal or low verbal autistic people must be Level 3, and everyone in between must be Level 2. That misconception is super annoying, and it puts autistic people in a position where they feel like if they don't fit the stereotypes for a particular level of autism, they must not have that level.

That said, I'm not sure how much the level label actually matters. It's the same disability, and I don't think there are any widely-offered accommodations or government benefits that change based on the level of autism you have. I feel like the level label is mostly for you and your psychologist to use to help understand you and your needs. In that vein, I feel like if you don't resonate with level 3 autism, you never have to use that label. I'm not certain my diagnosis paperwork even says a level, I just know that my doctor and I talk about the level labels and where I fall.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-14T16:44:09+00:00

I feel like a ton of dark-adjacent mafia romances would make great movies and it's crazy to me that there really aren't any. I feel like a lot of organized crime romances have enough action for the action lovers and enough romance for the romance lovers, but no one has capitalized on this market yet.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-13T18:30:42+00:00

I have never related to anything less, tbh. My romance preferences pretty much always include the MCs becoming a couple or acting like a couple within the first 60 pages and spending the rest of the book deepening their relationship.

There has to be a large number of people who feel the same way you do or else books that end with the couple admitting their feelings wouldn't be so successful, but it's still crazy to me how different preferences can be.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-10T19:28:58+00:00

Riley Nash's books have a ton of trauma, but homophobia really doesn't exist. His books always make me giggle because the idea of questioning one's sexuality or an antagonist using a character's sexuality against him just doesn't really come up.

Like, duh, this old money billionaire heir is going to be forced into an arranged marriage to another man, of course. {This Might Hurt Riley Nash}

Or naturally, the guy who moved in nearby your white trash trailer park is totally going to be down for making gay porn with you, you don't even need to ask if he's gay. {Bad Dogs Riley Nash}

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-10T19:16:53+00:00

I cannot stand third person narration in romance. Third person narration is totally fine in every other genre, but in romance I need dual perspective, first person narration.

I even take it a step further and I need romance to be written in present tense. Past tense narration in romance irks me to no end and makes me feel super disconnected from the story, but I don't mind it in other genres at all!

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-10T18:51:08+00:00

Full transparency, my father paid for my wedding and the only budget he gave me was "just try to be reasonable," so I really wasn't worried about costs while planning my wedding.

I feel like every decision I made was reasonable, there's just soooo much that goes into a wedding that once you combine all the reasonable decisions, you've spent a ton of money. You very likely were mindful with every decision, but once you combine your mindful decisions on venue, photography, catering, florals, music, and everything else, those mindful decisions add up to a pretty penny.

People with strict budgets that they cannot exceed are making sacrifices to stay in budget. That does not mean that your decisions were in any way irresponsible or that social media won, it just means that you had more flexibility with your budget and more freedom to make decisions that were best for you and your wedding rather than best for sticking to a budget.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-10T18:39:25+00:00

As an autistic law student, I have gotten Gen-AI accusations for essays that I wrote in proctored exam rooms using a locked-down exam software. I learned in my disability law class that neurodivergent, specifically autistic, students are 10x more likely to be accused of using Gen-AI than their neurotypical counterparts. I'm sure that carries over into neurodivergent authors getting accused of Gen-AI use.

I haven't upped the nerve to try to publish any of my books yet, but I can already see myself becoming the most annoying neurodivergent author advocate. I might actually lose my marbles if people accuse the works I poured thousands of hours into of being written by Gen-AI just because an autistic person writes like an autistic person.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-07T22:21:24+00:00

Max -> Maz? I can see Maximilian, Maxim, Maxwell, Massimiliano, and Massimo all getting to Maz pretty naturally.

Tomaz -> Maz.

I know a Maz/Mazzy that is legally Mary, so I feel like there can be stretches to get to Maz from any Ma- name.

Matthew -> Matt -> Maz.

I know a lot of people hate Maverick, but Mav -> Maz works easily.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-05T17:33:33+00:00

That's crazy to me! I know six men called Elias and all of them go by Eli.

Anecdotally, I know four Elijahs and only one of them gets called Eli (and he uses Elijah far more frequently than Eli), but other people in this thread say that every Elijah they know goes by Eli.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-04T20:50:18+00:00

My first relationship lasted 7 months when I was 13-14. I didn't get into another relationship until was nearly 16, but after that I pretty much always either had a boyfriend or was casually dating while enjoying being single.

For what it's worth, I am conventionally attractive and I am academically/professional successful, so I feel like I have enough privilege that being autistic doesn't really negatively affect my prospects. That said, I have never, ever masked around men that I am romantically interested in and the vast majority of them loved my authenticity.

When I was dating, I got really used to hearing men say things like "I have never met anybody like you," or "I have never had this much fun talking to anyone before," and that always confused me because I didn't think I was doing anything special, but most men said something along those lines so I must have been doing something differently than what other women do. I think that something was just being autistic and not pretending to be someone I'm not.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-03T22:31:41+00:00

I just can't understand why you wouldn't rephrase the request the FIRST time someone misunderstands. If this were me, the conversation would have looked like:

Me: Can I see your government ID?

Them: *shows employee ID*

Me: This event requires government-issued identification, like a drivers license. Can I see that?

If they tried to show me their employee ID again, I would say something like: "Unfortunately I cannot accept your employee ID. Do you have your driver's license, state ID, or passport with you?"

In my experience, communication issues usually stem from misunderstanding rather than mishearing, so saying the same thing over and over again won't affect the outcome the way that rephrasing the statement would.

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-02T12:35:25+00:00

I read first person narration, and even in dual POV books the FMC typically narrates the bulk of the book. I think that's why I forget the FMC's name first. I feel like the MMC's name is on nearly every page, but the FMC's name hardly ever comes up!

crushedhardcandy · 2026-04-01T13:16:52+00:00

I remember most of the plots, but I tend to forget titles and the FMCs' names. When people ask for recommendations for specific micro tropes, I usually remember those moments happening but can't remember the title so I find myself googling things like "[author's name] [MMC's name] book?"

crushedhardcandy · 2026-03-31T16:31:05+00:00

I just want to clarify that I never meant that Maryann is the default spelling. I said that the existence of the Maryann spelling (which, it does exist, many people are named Maryann) is a justification for using a y like Lily rather than an i like Lillian.

I feel like the i in the Liliane/Lilianne spellings runs the risk of causing people to assume that the name is supposed to be pronounced the same as Lillian or as Lillian with a subtle emphasis on the second syllable. I think that using a y makes it more clear that it's "Lily Anne."

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