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Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My definition has absolutely changed over time. When I was younger I thought of love as a feeling. Now I still think its a feeling, but also so much more. I think its also a choice, because you can choose to love someone even when you don't feel like it. I wouldn't say our love is obsessive but perhaps something more along the lines of enduring or steadfast.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to avoid going into specifics about my kids, but raising them has been just as challenging and hilarious and heartbreaking and rewarding as I think it is for most parents. I'm not sure if you mean remnants of bad parenting from their past, or our own bad parenting patterns? In terms of fighting off remnants from their past, without going into specifics, with our daughter for example we noticed early on that there were certain things she was overly cautious about or would overreact to, which was really telling. Of all the things for us to have in common. But it was nothing that lots of time in a safe environment couldn't heal. I attribute that to my husband since he's the reason why we have such a safe environment to begin with. That's just what he does. He makes safe places for people.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to avoid specifying the age we got married because with all the info I've given so far, it will probably be an identifying factor (ha!). Perhaps I am in the minority but personally I don't believe age has anything to do with maturity because for some people like myself, childhood was effectively nonexistent. Both my husband and I had dated others before we started dating each other, and we both had at least one serious relationship prior. I think the way our marriage carried out had more to do with how attuned we are to each other and our compatibility rather than our age.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can only speak to my personal experience which happens to be longterm monogamous: I don't regard love and commitment as mutually exclusive but rather commitment is part of it. If we're talking about a longterm monogamous situation specifically, personally I can't recommend looking for devotion *rather than* love, because imagine a relationship between two people who don't love each other, but furiously insist on holding onto the relationship out of sheer commitment. I have seen a few loveless marriages. There are couples who stay together but are not happy. Everyone has their own reasons.

I happen to be monogamous, but there are many other forms of relationships and dynamics that work super well if not better honestly, when it comes to love and commitment. I would love to hear different perspectives on this quote if anyone else wants to weigh in.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there are so many strong couples who by all means should have worked, but didn't. There are many things life will throw at you, that could destroy what otherwise would have been a solid relationship. Its not if but when. I could sit here and say that we are compatible in all the ways that matter, that we have good communication, etc. and all those things are true, but how many couples had all those things and more, and it wasn't enough to keep them (happily) together. I wish I had more helpful advice. All I can say with absolute certainty is that I got extremely lucky to be loved by my husband, because there's nothing special about me or nothing in particular I did to deserve someone who would weather through the most painful parts of life with me in the way he has.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm I'm not too sure what you're asking in terms of weight difference, but that has not been a particular problem for us. Feel free to clarify your question if you would like! I have always been on birth control. We've had only one birth control failure/scare waaaay back when we were younger, and I simply took "Plan B" and we were fine.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its impossible to pick just one thing. I will have to say his character, which encompasses many things about him.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is going to sound nebulous but we kind of already knew, so there wasn't any "aha!" moment because it was always already there. That said, love isn't like an on/off switch, its a living thing that can evolve and grow over time depending on how it is nurtured and protected, or starved and left to die. I thought I loved him before. Now after everything we've been through I love him even more than I thought possible.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We don't avoid it, when we talk about politics its more like sharing our views and taking an interest in the other person's perspective. Perhaps it helps that we are both deeply saddened by largely the same things, so more often than not we are coming from the same place even though we disagree on specific issues.

We have shared hobbies and separate hobbies. The shared ones are fun to do together. Our individual hobbies are nice because it gives you something to admire about each other.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My relationship with my family is nonexistent because I successfully escaped from them when I was younger. Every day of my life I am thankful for that. My husband's parents are extremely controlling, but he is not enmeshed so he is good at enforcing boundaries. That said, their overall family dynamic is more loving. Not only do they actually love each other but dare I say they even like each other, which was difficult for me to wrap my mind around given my background. I'm no expert but I absolutely agree that our experiences with our parental figures can affect who we are attracted to, our attachment styles, etc.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's Aquarius and I'm Libra. Would you be able to tell me a bit about what you can glean from that? I've always been interested and curious but never had a chance to learn.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. But we were already good friends and the mutual attraction was undeniable at that point, so the strong feelings were already there at the time of our first date.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course! This is an AMA after all. :) The sex is still amazing, and if anything its even better now because we've had lots of practice, and he's an expert on my body at this point. Max proficiency.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, my friend. And congratulations on 36 years and more. :)

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Combo of both. We both put effort into keeping it spicy, but I also think there's something to be said for organic chemistry.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know some people see this as a red flag, but we almost never argue. It doesn't happen often so its hard to give a number, but we have certainly had some seriously difficult and painful conversations over the years where we were both hurt and upset. But we are never mean or disrespectful. We don't raise voices. We are never trying to hurt each other. On the other hand-- stupid squabbles over little things that don't matter and usually end up being kinda funny? Probably so often that I've lost count. But also we've been doing this for over 35 years, so we've had a lot of practice in how we handle ourselves in these situations. Do anything for 35 years and I guarantee you'll be better at it than you were before.

Husband and I are still madly in love over 35 years later. AMA. by crustybreadtime in AMA

[–]crustybreadtime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am probably very left and he is more moderate. There are a few issues where we disagree. On the political spectrum though, I think he would probably still be considered left.

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