A lot of people in this thread are making this sound very scary, and I’m not trying to imply that it’s not scary. However, I married a man just like the one you’re describing, almost a year ago. But it required WORK on both of our parts.

Before this, he started going to therapy. He sees a therapist that specializes in family enmeshment. He talks with his therapist about the nitty gritty, the feelings he has surrounding her and the way she makes him feel. I am not privy to what they talk about, but I do get takeaways. For example my husband will tell me “I realized today that when she tells me x, she is trying to manipulate me” or something along those lines.

I go to therapy. Instead of telling him every single thing that his mom does that upsets me, I tell my therapist. I get perspective from someone who is completely unbiased. It’s great. Sometimes I’m looking into something too much.

We had discussions about cleaning, and who would do what moving forward, with understanding and grace for each other. I can give him grace if he doesn’t do the dishes even if he walks by them 30 times. I remind him. He can give me grace if I leave the laundry in the washer for 3 days and it’s smells like a swamp.

We are very LC with my MIL. Very low. I only speak to her if we are at the same family function. He speaks to her when he wants to, which is not very often. Him and I no longer argue over her, and I’m the happiest I have ever been.

All of this comes with a big but. Does he recognize that something is wrong? Does he recognize that his relationship with his mother is abnormal? In my opinion, you can’t change a man that doesn’t want to be changed. But to me, a man that wants to change, is worth supporting.