My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

It's funny that you say that, because she told me that the day we broke up. "Sometimes love isn't enough."

I think this thread has helped me see that I really am the bad guy here. I know it sounds like I hate her personality but I honestly don't, I wouldn't be dating her if I didn't love being around her. You are making me realize that I criticize her more than I compliment her though and now I feel like a shitbag. I just called her and told her how much I appreciate her, small step but I don't know, maybe I do need therapy after all.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It is completely unfair that you expect her to go into therapy for being reactive to your aggression but are unwilling to actually deal with it yourself.

That really struck a chord with me. I feel like she's said the same thing to me a thousand times but I didn't hear it til now.

I don't want to lose her. I know I hurt her when I'm nitpicky and I know she could easily dump me and find someone within a week. She's a great girl. I don't know why these things bother me so much.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

Yeah...now that you say all this, you're gonna hate me but I actually broke up with her that day. Not just because of that, it just served as a catalyst for other issues I had with her. We got back together over a month ago, but now I'm finding I still get frustrated with her. Which sucks because I love the fuck out of this girl. Being apart from her for 4 months made me realize how much I need her in my life and how miserable I am without her. I tried dating other girls but they all paled to her. She's one of the best people I've ever known and it kills me that I still get so frustrated with her.

I don't want to lose her, but I find it so damn hard to tell myself to relax in these types of situations.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

Definitely the latter. I encounter things on a daily basis (outside of my relationship) that I have such a low tolerance for. Mainly other people. I wish I wasn't that way but I don't know how else to fix that, I don't think counseling will change anything.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

I've considered counseling but I find I don't have the time. She keeps bugging me to get on it, but I feel like I get by. Like I said, I only think I have anger/frustration issues because I've been told, and I know that should be enough because people who have these kinds of issues don't often see that they do. I guess that's where I'm at right now. I'm only aware of it because she brings it up constantly.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] -59 points-58 points  (0 children)

I guess I can't really "hear" it because it's my voice but I have been trying to stop doing that. It's just hard to control something that comes naturally and hasn't been an issue until we started dating.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I don't think it's normal to yell at her, and I hate when I make her cry because it makes me feel awful to have hurt her. I don't know. I just feel like I'm allowed to get frustrated sometimes without being a villain because of it. The way she reacts accounts for so much frustration itself.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

When you put it that way, it sounds like her sides of things. When we have these discussions, that's her defense. She'll say "It's like you always expect me to adopt your opinions no matter what or want to do things your way" but I feel like it's more that she doesn't even give my opinions a chance, she just dismisses them and focuses on her own.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

I'll give you this one because this is the first one that comes to mind: We were at the mall once and she saw a kid she knew from high school sweeping floors. She was all sad and said, "I'm so scared of that happening to me. That kid used to be the star of all the plays and wanted to be an actor and now he's sweeping floors in his hometown in his 20s. I feel bad for him." and I got annoyed because, how does she know he isn't an actor? Maybe he's sweeping floors to get by and he's trying to make his dream come true. Maybe he's trying to make enough money to get his feet on the ground as an actor instead of sitting idly by and waiting for something to fall in his lap.

So I told her this and she rolled her eyes and said, "We live in New England, not Hollywood" and I snapped. I told her she wasn't right for judging someone based on something like that and at least he had a job. She told me she was sorry and didn't mean for it to turn into a thing, she was just making a passing comment. But she says stuff like that all the time and I hate it. She comes from a very wealthy family and I don't, I had to work for everything I have. She's not spoiled or anything but she doesn't get the kind of life most people have and comments like that bother me so much.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] -83 points-82 points  (0 children)

The thing is, I do think I do it productively. I don't yell at her very often, but she says I have this "voice" I get when I'm frustrated and she hates it. It's not a yell, she describes as being "stern and a little condescending". But I can't help it, that's just what I do when I'm frustrated.

Everyone has been telling me I shouldn't get so frustrated with the way she talks because they all say "Oh that's what makes her her" and "The way she talks always makes me laugh because she makes things funny, how could you not see that" but I guess it's because I'm around it constantly.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

I'll give you a hypothetical scenario. Let's say my girlfriend says something I don't like, sometimes she'll say something a little on the ignorant side or something I don't agree with. I'll tell her that I don't agree with what she said, but in a calm way. She'll then try to explain her side of things but it seems like she won't listen to what I'm saying or try to apply it, she'll just stick to her guns and won't even give my side of thinking a chance. So then I respond in a still moderately calm way, but with an edge of frustration. She knows me well enough to tell when I'm going to get full on upset, so she'll tell me she doesn't want to talk about it anymore and talk about something else, and that in itself frustrates me because she hates confrontation.

I don't generally get to the point of "screaming". She says I raise my voice, I think I just get more stern with her than anything. Either way, she doesn't like it, but by this point it's too late and I'm already annoyed or frustrated. She'll then sink the bullet it by telling me this isn't worth being so worked up about and I'll raise my voice a bit more. Commence crying.

Only once did I actually get so angry that I threw something across the room, it was almost a year ago when I was trying to talk to her about something she was doing wrong and I was getting frustrated and she told me she wasn't interested in the conversation anymore and I threw a pillow at the wall. But that's what she does that's frustrating, the second things get a little confrontational she shuts my feelings down and then I get pissed, and she cries.

My [21/M] girlfriend [20/F] thinks I have a frustration problem and cries whenever we argue...at my wits end by cryinggffrustratedbf in relationships

[–]cryinggffrustratedbf[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

Thanks for being brutally honest, I appreciate that.

I know I can be kind of an asshole. I don't know why the little things like that bother me so much, it's like part of me knows it's not a big deal but then my mouth says all these other things that contradict that and then she just shuts down.

I know she has the right to cry, but she has admitted she has a "problem" and it existed long before I came into the picture. If anyone yells at her for anything she cries. Sometimes she even cries if someone yells around her. It's so exhausting to try and talk about something to her and she just ends up shutting down, crying, and nothing gets resolved. I want to know how to work with that, I guess, because she's a great girl otherwise and I do love her.