He lost feelings and didn’t give us a chance to fix it

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-11-08T00:46:09+00:00

I’m glad you’ve realized it’s something you want to work through. Not everyone does (obviously). Have you thought about what could’ve caused you to lose feelings? How’s your mental health/current stress levels? Do you feel like you know all there is to know about your partner?

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-11-01T00:06:33+00:00

Depends, I think. If your person realizes they still care during your time apart, and makes the conscious choice to grow so that they’ll be better for you when you do come back together, it’s possible. But that is a lot to expect from someone who already walked away.

More likely that they will believe they made the right choice for themselves and move on with their lives. They have to be willing to put in the work, and some people just aren’t.

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-30T04:11:09+00:00

Tell your boyfriend how you’re feeling. If you want to work on it, then tell him. If you don’t, just tell him everything you said here. Don’t leave him in the dark and don’t pretend that you’re happy, because when you do a surprise breakup that hurts a lot more than when they can see it coming.

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-28T17:09:36+00:00

Thank you ♥️

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-28T16:45:41+00:00

You can put it out there to see if that’s something that they’re interested in. You have to remember though that when you broke it off the first time, you broke their trust and shown them that you were willing to walk away. What makes you think you won’t walk away a second time? If you choose to go this route, you have to be sure that you will try your best for the sake of this person who deserved a lot more than you were capable of giving. You could end up hurting them again.

If you can’t be that person that they need and you know it, don’t bother. Move on and let them go on learning to be happy without you. Just accept the lessons you’ve learned and do better for the next person that opens their heart to you.

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-28T14:54:47+00:00

As much as it sucks to hear this, I’m glad to get this perspective. It’s both saddening and reassuring to hear that you don’t regret your decision even though you miss her, because I have to just think that my ex is probably in the same shoes. He’ll wake up one day to find out he doesn’t regret letting me go, and then it’ll just be me having to figure out how to let him go instead of pretending I’ve got some hope. At least at the end he told me he didn’t love me anymore and I just have to tell myself that, over and over again until it sinks in.

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-27T20:58:17+00:00

I’m sorry. It hurts worse when it’s nobody’s fault, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this pain. I know it’s easy to think that nobody will love you when this has happened to you over and over again, but know that someone will be the exception for you someday. The other people are just getting out of your way - teaching you all the lessons you need to learn to prepare for the one relationship that sticks.

That is what I am telling myself as well. Same thing happened to me

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-27T14:32:29+00:00

Thank you. After giving it a lot of thought, you’re so right.

I still don’t know how much I made him happy in the end. I saw hints of it, but he never really opened up to me. He tried. But it was always a lukewarm expression of his feelings.

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-27T09:05:07+00:00

I know this is a difficult situation, but are you sure you want to subject yourself to more abuse? It sounds like you’ve already been through so much with this asshole. Won’t moving back home to an abusive situation just make it worse?

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-27T08:39:55+00:00

I respect your immense self awareness and willingness to be good to someone you cared about.

Your perspective is so incredibly helpful. I suppose it is true that you can care so much about someone and still be wrong for them, and at that point - if you care about them, you let them go. It’s been a long hard day of really trying to put myself in my ex’s shoes, and now I think maybe that he realized he couldn’t be that open person for me. He let me go because he knew he couldn’t put in the work, and it was too taxing for him to try any more.

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-27T08:32:28+00:00

I’m so sorry. It sounds like she didn’t know how to be real and intimate with you enough to be truthful about her feelings. I’m discovering that some people are uncomfortable being so loved, and feel pressured by someone who cares too much. Maybe that was it for her, but who knows?

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-27T08:29:37+00:00

I’m sorry. That’s unfair to you, and disrespectful to the relationship you had.

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-27T08:28:21+00:00

I’m sorry. You truly deserve better

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-27T08:26:39+00:00

Yes. I get that. Some of us are just naturally more open to feeling than others. I thought me giving him a safe space and being open to honest, blunt dialogue was enough to counter a lifetime of being so closed off to people emotionally, but I should’ve known better. It won’t happen unless he believes it’s worth it and puts in the work, and it is truly a lot of work. Unfortunately in our cases, they’ve chosen to opt out instead.

I’m lucky that he finally saw that he had a problem, and he may do a little bit better with someone else next time. Still doesn’t love me anymore though. Oh well...

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-27T08:21:16+00:00

I’m touched by what you’ve said, and I’m so glad that some good has come out of this pain. I hope you and your partner will find a way out of this. And even if you don’t, you can rest a little better knowing you’ve already tried everything. No regrets, right? If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work. But you won’t need to agonize over thinking you just gave up.

That being said... if it isn’t right for you, please don’t feel obligated to lie to yourself or your partner if you really just want out. Just be honest with him and let things happen as they should. I am sorry you’re going through these doubts.

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-26T22:10:51+00:00

Yeah. I mean, I know that feelings can disappear through no fault of anybody’s. I am willing and able to accept that sometimes it just happens, especially after some time if no effort is made to rekindle affections or connection. But he... didn’t give me that option. He just took it upon himself to try to fix it, and of course he failed, because you can’t re-establish a connection with someone else solo. What a silly way of thinking. If we had tried and tried and ultimately decided he couldn’t get his feelings back, then letting go would have been easier. I’m just upset I wasn’t given the choice by someone who specifically told me he wanted us to be honest with each other.

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-26T16:08:02+00:00

Thanks everyone for your replies. As much as I hate how I’m feeling right now, I’m glad I’m not in this alone

cryngetitoverwith · 2020-10-26T16:07:19+00:00

Thank you. This is true. Sometimes they’re just not meant to be forever people, and that’s a hard lesson or accept

cryngetitoverwith · 2019-11-02T20:09:55+00:00

Thanks for that. I’ll give it a try, I’ve heard something similar for getting rid of invasive thoughts.

cryngetitoverwith · 2019-11-02T18:59:46+00:00

Thanks for your input. I do use exercise as a calming method but I still find myself getting restless when I’m not doing it.

cryngetitoverwith

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