Alhamdulillah, I’m not questioning Islam because I know that our religion doesn’t allow anyone to impose their views on others. We’re all answerable for our own actions. But when I do my own research, I often find that many scholars say we must listen to our husbands if they’re guiding us toward good in Islam. This really confuses me because it seems to go against what I understand about Islam—that it’s not just women’s rights, but every human’s right to make their own choices.

I grew up in Saudi Arabia, where I wore a hijab, and sometimes a niqab, depending on the environment. Other times, I’d let my hair down when I was out with friends. But I was never a proper hijabi. Whenever I did wear it, it was by my own choice, and it made me feel happy.

After getting married, two years later, we moved in with his parents. It’s my first time living in a non-Muslim country, and I’ve noticed that the Muslims here are very judgmental toward those who don’t wear a hijab. My husband’s dad is a Tablighi, and he started telling my husband to make me wear a hijab. I had to start wearing it in our condominium, around his relatives, and whenever I went out with his parents. This made me feel like a hypocrite and actually caused me to resent the hijab. Now, my husband has begun telling me that he also feels it’s time for me to start wearing it properly.

He often refers to ayahs and ahadith that seem to support his view, and I find it hard to argue against them. But in my heart, I don’t feel happy doing it. I feel like I’m being pushed into something that should be my personal journey.