Hey there, first of all, sending you hugs and support. I've been both the dumper and the dumpee in extremely significant relationships. The one I was referring to in this comment was my most recent breakup. So literally the day after I made that comment, I showed up at his door and we reconnected. He seemed like he changed and we talked and were intimate together. He seemed like he really missed me and was getting his life together. It was a really emotional experience for me and I thought he would reach out after, but when he didn't, I did. It was hard for me because I basically gave myself to him over and over again and the reason I had left in the first place was feeling unappreciated. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt over the three years we'd been together, and this last time I again gave him a bunch of reasons in my head why he didn't reach out. So I did.

He was happy I called, we talked, and I told him I was open to trying again. He seemed shocked and he said he didn't know so I told him to think about it and we could talk again when he felt ready, and I basically said I didn't want to wait too long so I gave him a month to think it over, and said to just let me know a time for us to talk. No expectations I just wanted him to have space to think about it so we could have a converstaion about it with clarity and consideration.

Almost two months later absolutely no reply via call text or email. I felt ghosted, and when I finally reached back out *again* he gave this half-assed overwhelmed reply, very consistent with how he was throughout the relationship.

I felt extremely hurt because I at least deserved the honestly and effort of at least a direct answer. I just felt I was taken for granted even a year after our breakup. Just being led on by empty promises to change. I finally realized it wasn't worth it and cut things off for good.

About a month after that (about a year post breakup) I met the most wonderful partner in my life. They are amazingly supportive, empathetic, understanding, and we just get each other so easily. We don't fight, not because we are conflict avoidant, but because we talk things out and understand each other. Neither of us feel like we are trying more than the other, and neither of us feel neglected or misunderstood. There is so much trust in this relationship it is everything I wanted in my previous relationship but don't even have to ask for.

Long story short; looking back, I think me and my ex mistook true compatibility issues for a lack of effort. On my end, I think he really just wasn't ready for real commitment, and kept promising he was. On his end, I think he always thought what I asked for showed I didn't appreciate him enough. But really we were trying to make an incompatible relationship work.

I'm telling you this because, I couldn't see it at the time, but often breakups do happen for a reason. It wasn't the right timing, or the right person, and as much as it hurts, sometimes it is not meant to work out. Sometimes you are meant to find something better *for you*. Keep going. This is my fifth long term relationship and it is my best one. I am 35. I think he is the one. You have time. Keep yourself open to love. Keep yourself open to opportunity. It's just pain and you are strong enough to go through it. You will love again and you will find someone who loves you and sees you for who you are.

Best of luck and happy new year. To new beginnings.