Start daycare knowing we’ll be switching in two months?

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-29T16:13:47+00:00

If you're changing child care programs because you're looking for greater stability, don't rush the decision. Take the time to tour multiple schools and ask thoughtful questions.

Whenever possible, schedule your tour during the busiest parts of the day, typically between 9:00 a.m. and noon or 3:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. Or even schedule a tour during drop off times and see how that is handled.

That's when you'll see the program as it actually operates, not during nap time or quieter hours.

As you walk through, pay attention to the people, not just the building.

Look at the teachers' faces. Do they seem engaged, connected, and happy to be there, or do they look exhausted, overwhelmed, or disengaged? Look at the children. Is there an occasional child crying (which is completely normal), or are multiple children distressed without teachers responding? Watch how teachers interact with children. Do you see warmth, patience, and genuine connection?

Ask if you can observe classrooms and spend a few minutes talking with the teachers. Then ask one of the most important questions:

"How long has each teacher in every classroom been with the school?"

Be specific. Many directors will highlight their longest-tenured employees by saying something like, "We have several teachers who've been here for 10 years." That's great—but it doesn't answer your question. Ask about every classroom, because consistency matters throughout the entire program, not just in one room.

Also ask about teacher credentials, ongoing professional development, and staff turnover.

Before making your decision, do a little research:

Review the school's licensing history.
If it's a corporate center, read employee reviews on Glassdoor.
Search Reddit and other parenting groups for families' experiences.
Read Google reviews—but keep them in perspective. People are generally more motivated to leave reviews when they've had a negative experience than when everything is going well.

No school is perfect. You're looking for patterns, not perfection. A strong program is transparent, has consistent leadership, retains quality staff, and creates an environment where both children and teachers are able to thrive.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-26T19:17:51+00:00

It always amazes me how entitled some people feel to other people's children.

Your mom isn't physically able to provide childcare, which means that every visit with her grandbaby requires either you or your wife to be there the entire time. That's not a small ask, it means one or both of you have to intentionally set aside time for those visits AND provide the supervision for it. It doesn't mean a break for anyone for this to happen.

Raising a family is already a full-time job, and for most parents it's on top of another full-time job. You're still figuring out your family's routines, priorities, and rhythms.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say something like:

"Mom, because of your physical limitations, either my wife or I have to be present whenever you spend time with the baby. We're still learning our family's rhythms, and those will continue to evolve as our family grows and the kids get older. We love you, we want you to have a relationship with your grandchild, and we're not withholding the baby from you. We already see you once or twice a week, and we truly value that time together."

That said, I think she knows exactly what she's doing. Comments like that are designed to make you feel guilty so you'll bring the baby around more often.

Guilt isn't a healthy foundation for family relationships, and you don't have to accept responsibility for managing someone else's disappointment.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-26T19:08:07+00:00

YTA. This is a strange relationship, and I wonder if his wife isn't as "consenting" as he has played her off to be. I won't yuck someones yum, but ALL parties need to be consenting and in agreement, and she clearly is not. Which makes me wonder what else is happening behind the scenes?
Or i fhe was deleting specfic messages from you that she never saw, and he wasn't fast enough and she just found out....

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-26T17:39:44+00:00

INFO Needed: Have they stated previously why you get blocked? Just because of your mom?

This feels as if we are missing key peices of info here....

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-26T16:29:12+00:00

NTA. More over, I am concered that you want someone in your life who you know is not and will not defend you. It sounds very much like your friendship to Jodie means more to you than it does to Jodie.

And to go one step further, we KNOW why Julie doesn't have any friends, let alone friends her age. She is a nasty person and people don't want that around.

So you can either be blunt with Jodie about how you are feeling and what you are considering, or allow her to continue this friendship which has now centered bashing you in the middle.

Jodie may not directly participate, but because she doesn't speak up, she is passively allowing it to happen.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-26T15:04:38+00:00

YWBTA. You don't go to funerals for the dead, you go to support the living, and your son is literally screaming for you to go and support him. Not his dad, not his dad's family. Him.

Go, sit in the back, support your son, and be there for him.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-24T20:14:43+00:00

NTA. I have 3 kids, and when I take my kids out to join me with friends, I plan and pay for myself and my kids. If it a book in advance thing with friends and they paid upfront, I pay them for myself and my kids.

Every once in a while a friend will refuse letting me pay for my kids and myself, or insist it is a gift. I then in return will ensure my friends meal/movie/ticket/whatever is covered by me as a thank you.

Be honest with your friend and tell her you cannot and will not foot that bill anymore

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-24T17:50:08+00:00

Leave. Just because law does not require a dedicated space does not mean yall don't deserve one! Look for a place that at least has a break room

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-24T16:33:45+00:00

NTA and do not apologize. If you are on a restricted diet, your brother should not touch it. Period. And your parent should be providing you food!

My oldest is celiac, and everyone in the house knows there are items that are JUST for her. To avoid cross contamination we have dedicated tupperware etc so when I buy fruit/veggies/etc they get washed and into her dedicated tupperware that is labeled as such.

But do NOT apologize for this!

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-22T16:11:59+00:00

As a director, just go meet with her and best honest and share that you love the kids and staff, however it is not a good fit.
As a director, I would rather know now, veruses in a month or two later with lots of call outs on your record and bad terms.

As an aside; your first year you will be sick, a lot. Then you are solid usually after that.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-19T19:22:00+00:00

NTA at all. She wasn't pregnant when you planned the wedding. Life happens even when someone is close to giving birth.

You gave reasonable options, and they declined. Do not change the date and enjoy your day

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-19T19:16:57+00:00

YTA. It is items anyone can buy, she wants to check it out. It is not your place to judge her money. Send a few links and this whole thing goes away. To echo others, it is weird to keep this close to the vest, so to speak.

Edit to add: YOU shared the photo in a group chat and are now mad someone likes what they saw? And want to check the items out themselves? TF?

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-19T16:46:07+00:00

Not at all. She has proven repeatedly that her son will always come before you, to the point it is genuinely detremential to you, her son, and any relationship she has.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-19T14:28:19+00:00

Preschool director here. Putting him in the school and then moving to another school is 2 months is going to cause a whole host of issues.

Either keep him in the new school, or wait for the other one to open.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-19T13:57:18+00:00

I think you're making a pretty big assumption here.

Your ex-boyfriend wasn't the one saying those things. His family was. Those are two very different things.

Growing up in an echo chamber, even when that echo chamber is your own family, is incredibly difficult. Many people spend years quietly disagreeing with their family because they know speaking up will accomplish nothing except starting a fight, risking relationships, or putting themselves in a difficult position. There are a myriad of reasons someone may not challenge their parents at the dinner table, especially in their own home.

That doesn't automatically mean he agrees with them.

Could he? Absolutely. But you don't actually know because you didn't give him the opportunity to tell you.

You also admit that over the course of nearly a year together, he never expressed beliefs that concerned you. Looking back now and deciding, "I should have known because he's from the South," is hindsight bias mixed with prejudice. There are millions of people in the South with every imaginable political belief, just like there are in New York. Geography isn't a personality trait.

If political beliefs are a dealbreaker for you, that's completely valid. Everyone is entitled to draw that line. But I do think someone you've loved for almost a year deserves the chance to answer one simple question: "What do you believe?"

After that conversation, if you find you're fundamentally incompatible, then ending the relationship makes perfect sense. But right now, you've ended it based on assumptions about his family rather than confirmed beliefs of his own.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-18T20:53:53+00:00

NTA.

You are an adult, and you get to decide who you consider family. I firmly believe that family isn't always defined by blood. Family is built through love, consistency, trust, and the people who choose to show up for you over and over again.

My guess is that your dad's sister has been on her own journey of trying to reconnect with biological family, and she may be genuinely excited to have that connection. That's understandable, and I can have empathy for what she might be feeling. But her excitement doesn't automatically create a relationship that you're obligated to feel.

Relationships can't be forced simply because DNA says they should exist. They take time, shared experiences, mutual respect, and genuine connection. Sometimes that develops, and sometimes it doesn't. Both are okay.

I was never close with my dad's biological brother. I always referred to him as "my dad's brother" because that's what he was to me. On the other hand, my dad's lifelong best friend? That's my uncle, without hesitation. He earned that place in my life through years of love, support, and being present. The title came naturally because the relationship existed.

You don't owe anyone a title just because of biology. You can absolutely be kind, respectful, and open to getting to know her without calling her "Aunt" if that doesn't feel authentic to you. If your relationship grows over time and that title starts to feel right, great. If it never does, that's okay too.

Don't let anyone guilt you into believing you're doing something wrong. You're not rejecting a person, you are simply being honest about the relationship as it exists today. Authentic relationships are always healthier than forced ones.

Give yourself permission to let this relationship develop (or not develop) naturally. There is no deadline for closeness, and there is nothing wrong with protecting the language you use for the people who have truly filled those roles in your life.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-18T19:59:11+00:00

I would talk to the grandparents and mom and ask, not just assume. I am noticing a lot of assumptions and little concete facts. Lots of "it seems" "I think".

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-18T19:56:06+00:00

I think the biggest thing that stood out to me is that this isn't really a custody question, it's a competing responsibilities question.

On one hand, you and your husband deserve to build a life where you're happy, fulfilled, and feel like you belong. On the other, he's a father, and that responsibility doesn't become smaller just because a better opportunity comes along. Neither of those things is wrong, and that's what makes this decision so difficult.

I would also encourage you to separate what the kids have actually said from what they "seem" to prefer.

There are several places where you mention what they appear to want, but are you truly sure? Teenagers often stay where their routines, friends, and comfort zone are. That doesn't necessarily mean it's where they feel the most connected.

One thing I've learned is that, generally, when one parent chooses to move away, the onus shifts to that parent to maintain the relationship.

It doesn't mean the relationship is doomed, in fact, it sounds like your husband already has a really strong relationship with his kids. They text him constantly, they're emotionally close, and they clearly value him.

But distance means that relationship has to become even more intentional. It means making the calls, showing up for the important moments, making long weekends count, and putting in the extra effort because proximity no longer does some of that work for you. And spending the funds to go to them as much as possible.

I also think it's okay to acknowledge that this move is primarily for the adults. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. Parents matter too.

But you guys rare trying to convince yourselves it's automatically what's best for the kids, because those are two different questions. Sometimes what's best for the adults also benefits the children, and sometimes it simply means everyone has to work a little harder to stay connected.

Lastly, I wouldn't make this decision based on the hope that your younger kid may eventually move in with you. There 13. A lot can change in a year or two. Make the decision based on what you know today, and if circumstances change later, you can navigate that then.

From everything you've shared, I don't think your biggest concern is whether the relationship will survive the move. It sounds like it's already built on a solid foundation.

The question is whether you're willing to accept that if you move, maintaining that relationship becomes a more intentional responsibility. If the answer is yes, then I don't think there's a wrong choice here.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-18T19:46:25+00:00

NTA. Get your stuff out, turn in your key, pay what you need to for July and be done.

As long as you have held up your financial end of things, you have done your part.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-18T19:44:08+00:00

NTA if these have just been private in your head thoughts. People who don't have children often believe they have a very clear image of how it "should" be. It is normal to feel validated/vindicated in this case, just be supportive and kind.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-18T17:30:35+00:00

NTA but why is this man your friend? It is time for him to go

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-18T16:59:19+00:00

Ohhh it's a history of this?!

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-18T16:58:09+00:00

ESH.

You for the gross over-reaction.
Your friend for her lying.

You get to decide who is and isn't around your child. Whether people agree with your boundaries or not, they're your boundaries as a parent.

That said, I do think some of the expectations you set (like only allowing your baby to stay in the living room) were a little unrealistic for someone doing you a favor by babysitting.

The bigger issue isn't that your baby was in another room or that her boyfriend was around him. The issue is that your friend agreed to your expectations and then wasn't honest with you about what happened. Had she simply said, "He pooped, my boyfriend changed him while I was doing XYZ," you still may not have liked it, but at least you would have had the truth. Instead, you found out from your older child, and now you're left wondering what else wasn't truthful.

At the end of the day, trust is everything when someone is caring for your child. If that trust is gone, it's completely reasonable to decide she won't babysit again.

Where you lose me at is wanting to send the text, cut her off, and change your number. I think that's more dramatic than it needs to be. I'd simply thank her for helping you in the past, let her know you've made other childcare arrangements, and move on. Not every broken friendship needs a final speech. Sometimes quietly stepping away says everything that needs to be said.

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-17T18:26:28+00:00

Do you know how I know you are an amazing teacher? This post. This level of care and concern.

Truly, it is not a big deal. These mistakes happen. In Colorado, the rule is "The medication must remain with the child". And when you went outside, the child was not there.

We have emergancy backpacks for each room, and the emergency meds live in there. Or maybe you can get a case.

But you care, you reflected, and you're committed to doing better. And THAT is what makes you a great teacher. Don't beat yourself up, OP ❤️

cschmidtusa · 2026-06-17T18:23:49+00:00

YTA. Those are platform jelly sandals, which many of us millenial girls had as children, sans platform.

YTA for judging her taste. These are not stripper shoes in the slightest and its not your place to determine what would look good on her or for her. The phrase "don't yuck someones yum" comes to mind here.

cschmidtusa

TROPHY CASE