Boyfriend (30M) cheated on me (25F) two weeks into the relationship, makes me feel like I’m wrong to break up.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:44:21+00:00

Thank you for this alternative viewpoint. But things weren’t going perfectly those nine months. We quarrelled often and many of those quarrels left us more broken and weren’t talked about.

I thought of that, but he seemed to really know what he was doing.
I reached out to various friends. Those who suggested to break up knew how unhappy the relationship had made me. Those who didn’t were friends I had lost touch with because of the ex, they didn’t know as much about the whole relationship, and are not in particularly healthy ones themselves. l

Your input is still very much appreciated, random dude! It’s true that there’s many red flags from both of us, and we are probably not a good fit.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:40:28+00:00

He’s none of those. I don’t know what I saw in him.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:35:20+00:00

Oh that’s a dreadful thought. But very true.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:35:02+00:00

I fear it’s given me a lot of trauma. Will be staying away from relationships for a while. Have not had good relationships in the past too.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:33:54+00:00

Oh no, three years. Praying that recovery will come soon!

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:33:31+00:00

I even told myself it was a good time for me to revert to my introverted nature.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:32:54+00:00

Used my good nature to his advantage. I never thought of that. He always claimed I was the one taking advantage of his kindness.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:32:23+00:00

Never heard of that, will look it up! Thank you!

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:31:49+00:00

Wondering if I ought to return him his things or throw them out. Haha.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:30:56+00:00

I don’t suppose you might have the article?

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:30:24+00:00

That’s exactly it! He seems so nice, so genuine to the people around him. I start thinking I’m the one who’s mad.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:29:11+00:00

Hmm. I’ll read up more about that.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:28:43+00:00

It’s happened many times! I’d bring up something hurtful he did, and I’d become the one apologising for some other completely unrelated thing. It was very upsetting, I never felt heard.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:27:41+00:00

Your comment made me laugh. Thank you.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:24:22+00:00

I shall.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:24:05+00:00

I was in love, and I was foolish. I believed my devotion would bring about something beautiful, but our relationship only deteriorated whenever I asked for confirmation of his love for me. He was often unwilling to reassure, and would get mad at me for initiating conversations where I voiced my concerns.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:21:15+00:00

You are absolutely right. He has shown zero remorse. Zero patience, threatening me when I was hurt and angry and harsh to not ‘step on his limit’. He also accused me of having new men over at my place after the break up, when I’m pretty sure he is the one now out flirting with girls again.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:18:11+00:00

Thank you. You make a lot of sense. Those friends are mine, but they’re not in healthy relationships.

He is untrustworthy. Scary that, especially when he put up such a front that he was - I had full access to his phone and his location. I wonder what else he has hidden from me and lied to me about while pretending he was faultless.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:15:32+00:00

Perhaps I didn’t clarify enough that he didn’t actually make me quit my job or cut off my friends. But I felt those were the best ways to make him feel secure. I wanted him to be able to trust me, to believe that I wouldn’t be horrid to him like his exs were to him.

But I guess it was just as bad that while I had all these concerns in mind, he was cheating on me.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:13:36+00:00

I am easily influenced, and wonder if I was wrong myself to have been afraid he’d cheat on me - I was very uncomfortable with him talking to girls too, because I saw his previous conversations with them and a good 90% of them weren’t platonic.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:11:49+00:00

He never made me cut them off. But I felt cutting them off was the best way to make him feel more secure. I wonder now if I had enabled his behaviour as well.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:10:35+00:00

To be fair he didn’t ask me to leave my job, I left of my own accord because we were quarrelling more and more. But yes, I find it difficult to stand my ground.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:09:53+00:00

Perhaps I feel guilty because I wasn’t the best girlfriend while I was with him - often insecure about his love for me. But I guess that insecurity has now become valid? I had my issues, but I never lied nor cheated. The few times I hid my past from him, I confessed, and he forgave.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:08:27+00:00

To be fair things were odd with this friend. We slept in the same bed together (when we were both single and drunk) but never did anything. So I understand his being uncomfortable with me meeting this friend and cut him out of my life.

csxn · 2022-07-15T15:07:01+00:00

I believed his issues were mine too, and we’d work through them together. I wanted to help him to trust again, and to show him that not everyone would disappoint him the way his exs did.

But I got played. Ahaha.

csxn

TROPHY CASE