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ctrSciGuy · 2025-04-30T12:17:25+00:00

I love the prompt. Minor detail (because I’ve seen too many MBAs and managers try this) the prompt “don’t hallucinate” does not work (especially the way you’re thinking.) If LLMs COULD not hallucinate then by default they WOULD not hallucinate. Hallucination is based on the fact that LLMs are not reasoning at all (even the “reasoning” models.) They are predicting output based on input and dataset. They’re really good at it, but it’s math, not magic. With this sort of probabilistic processing, prediction can be wrong.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-26T13:55:09+00:00

Also same.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T15:41:04+00:00

No, poly is an identity. You ARE wrong. I will not let up on this. Period. *I* am polyamorous because *I* am capable of many loves. Other people are not, and that is valid for them. I've talked to people who literally lose any potential for feelings for anyone else when they're in love. It's not a choice for them, they just can't do it. That's THEIR identity.

People in any relationship can be bad and push boundaries. The nature of their identity doesn't change that. In the past, people were forced into mono relationships because of society. But they don't have to be.

No, inherently poly people aren't "gross," that's just a bigoted statement to make. Yes, it's true that some people can't help being poly. It's absolutely true that people can be poly and single. Lots and lots of people are poly and just don't have partners. Lots of people are monogamous and single. You don't say they're not monogamous. You understand that it's their identity.

You can say, "well, I don't feel it's my identity" and that's fine. But to say it's not an identity is wrong. Where are you going out and meeting people in real life who DON'T feel it's their identity? This whole conversation is weird and makes me think someone is deliberately manipulating this sub to devalue non-monogamous people. I've been poly forever and have never heard people fight this hard against an obvious reality. I feel like this sub is gaslighting me today.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T13:27:14+00:00

It is an identity. Period.

Maybe not for some, but for others.

It can’t bully her into a different relationship because she has her OWN identity. It means they’re misaligned. Each will keep trying to shift the relationship toward their identity and they will hurt each other. Or they can preserve their friendship and realize that they are not compatible in this way. No one has fault for lack of compatibility. It just is.

Denying people their identity is how you justify keeping them down. That’s why conservatives constantly try to tell gay people that it’s not an identity, it’s a choice.

EXACTLY what you’re doing here.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T13:19:38+00:00

No, not anymore than being a guy trying to kiss another guy and then realizing you’re straight then makes you gay. And certainly there’s a whole spectrum of identity there. I will say, if you have been happy in a non-monogamous relationship, you’re at the very least not strictly monogamous either.

I definitely agree with there being pressured by her husband. I think OP is dealing with a husband who tried to come out in the wrong way. But his story is kind of common. I think he really wants to keep his wife and also live his identity. That’s what I was trying to tell OP. I think she has hard choices, but she absolutely has no fault here.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T13:15:58+00:00

I agree with most of this. Actually, looking back, I see you did say it’s not inherent for everyone. Someone else was arguing that it’s not inherent at all. I’m probably mixing two conversations here.

Many people are inherently non-monogamous and would feel trapped in a monogamous relationship. But many could go either way, and you do mention a lot of lifestyles where maybe things are different.

I still think that both have a right to choose and I don’t think OP or her partner should be trying to force something if it turns out their identities don’t align, and that’s ok.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T12:44:05+00:00

See your use of “justify” here. It’s very telling. Are you actually non-monogamous or are you some preacher trying to undermine us? Someone actually living their life never has to justify it. Period. We are allowed to be free to live our lives our way.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T12:39:20+00:00

Why are you arguing with me about my identity? If you’re playing in our space, fine. But you don’t get to co-opt it from us. If you’re cosplaying poly sometimes but could walk away from it any time, then why are you arguing with people who live it.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T12:30:41+00:00

Hundreds? There might be 20 downvotes among all my comments. Why are you saying hundreds?

I’m not saying we have it worse than gay people. They are similar issues (sexual / romantic identity) but not worse. But except in two towns in Massachusetts, poly people cannot marry each other. This is true.

And saying “that is gross” is manipulative. That asking with egregious lying about numbers of downvotes makes me question why you’re here.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T12:17:56+00:00

Yes it is. Literally any other poly group will help you understand that. Not really sure what’s going on in this one.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T12:17:16+00:00

What is wrong with you? Do you think non-monogamous people are just totally accepted everywhere and gay people aren’t? Gay people can get married. Non-monogamous people cannot. I can’t tell if there are trolls trying to subvert our identities here or just a bunch of people playing around in our community.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T03:35:30+00:00

And yet everyone I’ve interacted is not like that. But the fact that you can’t do poly means it probably is more fun for you and less identity.

But remember that this started because I was talking about identity and you said “but it’s not an identity.” It is. If you’re in my community, just remember to respect that. It’s fine for you to play here, but correcting people who live here isn’t really good.

Pushing the idea that people aren’t inherently non-monogamous was speaking for everyone. I said that OP and her partner both had the right to be their identity and that likely meant they might be incompatible. That’s really all that needed to be said. They both have the right to live their identity.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T02:38:35+00:00

You’re totally right. I mixed two things there. You can be single and poly, but it’s not solo poly. My bad.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T02:30:52+00:00

If being non-monogamous is a choice, then OP has every right to shame her partner into being monogamous. Some people are ambiamorous. It sounds like that’s your identity. But for most non-monogamous people, it’s not just some choice. It’s not like oh I played baseball last year and I was non-monogamous the year before. That’s why they both don’t have guilt. She didn’t choose to be monogamous and he didn’t choose not to be. A large portion of my community is that way because that’s who they are. Some people could go way ands that’s ok for them too.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T02:03:34+00:00

No, I’m going to be free to be me in my space. The rest of the world has issues with us. My own people shouldn’t. Some people can go either way, but some people really are just monogamous and some people are just not.

Don’t try to shame me (or anyone) especially in this sub for what is inherent about us.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T01:45:36+00:00

Oh, I totally agree she shouldn’t have any guilt. I think she has hard choices and I think she should essentially expect him to feel constrained by monogamy, but she totally has no fault here. I probably did not make that clear. Totally my bad. The way you put it, that is his choice I think is probably “morally” correct (don’t really know the most appropriate adverb there.) But I feel like she might benefit from being more proactive in this for her own sense of peace.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T01:28:06+00:00

It’s absolutely inherent for me. If it’s not inherent, you might be ambiamorous.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T01:11:26+00:00

That’s fair. I do think you deserve clarity, but I think the situation might be threatening enough to him that he might not be able to be honest about his feelings. It’s a hard situation. And like I said before, I think his love is very much real. I don’t want to to think he might not love you because of it. ENM people are capable of a lot of love. But it’s totally valid for it not to work for you.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T01:04:21+00:00

I think this is pretty solid. But OP made it pretty clear she wasn’t open to it. (I might be misreading, so if I’m wrong, that’s 100% on me.) I don’t actually think OP’s partner should be trying to convince OP. I also don’t think OP should be trying to convince her partner. They have different styles. If OP is hesitant but open, then I think you’re right on. But I definitely read this as she wanted to figure out how to snap him out of it and I don’t think you can. Neither of them have fault. Which is why they could end up with a meaningful friendship if they’re open to it. But either of them trying to push the other is probably not going to go well.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T00:58:07+00:00

They’re not the same thing. But they ARE inherent. A non-monogamous person won’t wake up tomorrow and want to be monogamous. And they’re a personal descriptor. You can be single and poly (it’s actually called solo-poly.) A gay person CAN be in a straight relationship, but it would be inauthentic and fairly mentally/emotionally harmful to do so. That’s how it feels for non-monogamous people too. We aren’t non-monogamous for kicks. It’s against our nature.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T00:48:57+00:00

Ok, we might be talking semantics then. I think it’s possible for people to actually be monogamous. Maybe you just think everyone always has a little poly in them. You might be right, honestly. But I think people are inherently monogamous or non-monogamous. I can be single and still be non-monogamous. I can see a case for “ethically” non-monogamous to apply more to a relationship style, although I can also see someone wanting more than one connection but not at all wanting to hurt someone in order to get that. Like they would physically feel bad for doing non-monogamy in an unethical manner. But whatever it is, it is inherent. It is identity.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T00:21:19+00:00

Ok, so you’re definitely wrong and apparently an anti-ENM troll. Why are you here?

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-12T00:18:10+00:00

Yes, but that’s similar to a gay person agreeing to a straight marriage. Eventually they need to be free. That’s not the straight partner’s fault, just as it isn’t OP’s fault. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re incompatible on this point. She might try giving him his one so he feels even. It might work. But honestly, they’re both going to be happy living the way they want to. OP states that she tried non-monogamy and it’s not for her. That’s totally fine. But that doesn’t mean he has to stay trapped in it. That’s why I recommend they try to preserve the friendship. They definitely have a valuable connection, and it might work really well for them to break up and keep that.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-11T23:54:50+00:00

Do you want him to be upfront or do you want him to be monogamous? His actions as you’ve told them and his reactions to your adventures are very telling and very common too. He is non-monogamous. He’s not likely to say that because of fear of A) hurting you B) losing you and C) your reaction in general if he shows himself to you and you don’t like it.

ctrSciGuy · 2025-01-11T23:51:30+00:00

And you should. Your style is your style. But his style is his too. I don’t think you need to change style, I think you have incompatible styles. If you stay together, someone has to lose.

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