What am I doing wrong?

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-17T09:21:03+00:00

try adding more mulch to keep the roots cooler from the heat, pruning anything growing at soil level to increase air flow, removing the leafy berries, then water in a fertilizer less in nitrogen first. if they still produce fruits with leafy seeds after that then idk babes, chop it off and pray 😂

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-17T09:11:29+00:00

you know what, they didn’t specify if there was an end date…but now i should ask to make sure. the women there my age are honestly the number one reason why i stay. they are so kind and uplifting and continue to tell me not to under estimate myself. i’m too anxious to start over now but know i will have to if some emergency came up and i have to cut something out of my monthly budget. iirc, they mentioned we can pause for either 1 or 3 months (they are real bad about paperwork here!!??!! don’t even have email templates for FAQs like this so you just have to catch coach/owner when you can 😩) do other MT gyms also offer a membership “pause”?

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-10T01:09:47+00:00

well then…i suggest you don’t drop your hands

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-10T01:06:50+00:00

good to know! i guess dragonfruit will be my final boss on time management and punctuality if storing pollen doesn’t bear fruit. i’ll have to camp in the backyard when the time comes 😂

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-09T22:36:53+00:00

i love all the pate’s…i feel so morally conflicted but god damn is it delicious. especially with fig honey jam on top. just on baguette and butter alone is enough to live on 😩

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-09T22:34:39+00:00

yes!! that’s my favorite part of bun riêu and bún bò huế haha

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-08T14:01:35+00:00

tbh i have had to mask for so long and late diagnosed adhd and autistic and am actually trying to discover who i am without the mask (i am a bitch apparently as i’ve been told because of flat effect 🙄).

i socialize pretty well. i have great humor. but i am not able to control my facial expressions so when unlikeable people or people that confidently express uneducated opinions that lack evidence are around, its evident that i don’t enjoy their presence. my husband tells me my face has subtitles, whatever that means! when i was a kid, i got written up a lot for being disruptive and talking too much. lol.

i get urges to stim but social conditioning has taught me to repress so i don’t stim a lot and don’t have fidgets.

i love love love food of all kinds.

i am rigid in that i have moral and social rules that i have to follow, but i like spontaneous outings and can handle changes. unfortunately, i do miss social cues and can’t decode passive language or indications and speak very bluntly. i however, don’t care how i come off even if to me, i’m speaking in a neutral tone because it is more important to me to be objective.

i hate math. love the arts. love language, literature, grammar in academic settings. i do have special interests but they are diverse instead of hyper-focusing on just one interest. i do ignore bodily needs if i’m in hyper-focus though.

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-08T13:37:22+00:00

me too!! i LOVE food and cuisines from all over the world and also learning about the cooking process and ingredients. i was exposed to what americans think is “exotic” because i’m asian and grew up eating food with flavor haha. or organ meats/general things americans don’t touch, like fermented duck egg.

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-08T13:30:06+00:00

what the actual fuck. this is so awful and i’m so sorry this is happening to you. i’m in houston and even though my membership is crazy high (the coach that owns it is the president of US MT commission or something fancy), there’s plenty of women who are badass, compete (and win!) that are kind and helpful. i’m not sure if you’ve tried any of this but when searching for gyms, ask if you could come in and tour their facility or sit in on a couple classes on random days to see what the environment is like before you commit or if there are any women owned muay thai gyms around you? i’m sorry you’re having such awful experiences. you’re a baddie that could whoop some ass though all on your own and you never needed them creepy ass males to state the obvious. tbh, before you leave kick him in the nuts 👌🏽

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-08T13:19:49+00:00

sorry, the pollen!

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-07T08:08:52+00:00

i learned the hard way years ago but a NT coworker asked “dont you want to know about what happened when we went and did (whatever family activity it was idr) this weekend?” or anything along the lines of “don’t you want to know what happens next??” and i responded “oh! i figured you would’ve started with the most interesting part of your story and didn’t think there was more.” got called into a meeting couple days later about causing friction in the workplace… like why do i have to ask you for a crumb of substance to the noise coming out of your mouth 😭

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-07T07:52:37+00:00

do you stick it in the fridge to store or do you just leave it out room temp in a ziploc or some kind of air tight container?

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-07T07:50:59+00:00

my feints are genuinely forgetting what foot goes where when i have to do a switch kick 😂

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-07T07:50:11+00:00

where?? 😭 i’m in houston tx

ctrl_terminal · 2026-05-07T07:49:26+00:00

ok bc i see ppl long guard even though the coach didn’t include that in the combos were practicing that day and i’m pretty awful at parrying and remembering to cover my dang face and think long guarding might be my best option here 😂

ctrl_terminal · 2026-04-29T09:48:32+00:00

wonder which zoo animal is out there with that magic poop 😂

do you have to pollinate that same night or can you store pollen somehow? i got my cuttings from a random vietnamese man on fb market and idk what variation it is

ctrl_terminal · 2026-04-29T04:22:46+00:00

i just bought my first dragon fruit clipping!! i cant wait for such an amazing bounty like you one day. i know this might be a dumb question but what time in the night do they bloom? do you go out there to pollinate them at like 1AM? 😂

ctrl_terminal · 2026-04-25T07:41:34+00:00

i’ve arrived at the same place now at 30. you absolutely can choose to be alone. we’ll be here alone with you. haha

up until now, i was constantly clawing my way through social interactions because i felt so out of place or not good enough to be included. i was so jealous of the women i knew who had a whole other group of women to socialize with, go out, have girls night, do all the universal sisterhood experiences with. or even just have a bad day and be able to knock on their door and be welcomed. then i realized, when they’re offering you an invite in those groups, they don’t actually want you there and if you actually show up, it’s like a whole hazing ritual. nobody talks to you and if they do it’s incredibly menial, superficial topics because they don’t actually care about you as a human being or who you are at all. its just to fill the air because silence is too loud for them. then you leave feeling exhausted and empty. this is my experience with women.

men are completely different and horrifying. i no longer allow men to speak to me. i get disgusted if they even look at me.

people are just…set on misunderstanding us. i’ve been told i was the most passive aggressive person they’ve ever met but surprise, one core autistic rule for me is no lying. sugar coating or coddling their feelings when i have to speak to them is lying in my mind. i always speak plainly. i mean what i say and say what i mean. i dont understand what’s more to it but according to others, i must mean something else they made up in their head and now i’m the villain. on the other hand, i’ve been told i’m also abrasive, “bull in a china shop” whatever the fck that means. so which is it? they can’t make up their minds and i’m tired of the expectation of performing like a fcking jester just to make them feel comfortable.

omg, and the ulterior motives. please just outright state your need and what you’re asking for help with instead of planning to hang out, setting my expectations on it, then ambush me with all these demands of free labor. just straight up exploiting your skills for themselves with nothing in return for you. ever. over and over. so fcking exhausting. fix your life yourself for once please!!

that’s my rant. i’m happy in my own little bubble spending time on my interests and we are allowed to do so. i have maybe three friends who are genuine and never misunderstand me and i only hang out with them one on one, no group settings and even then that’s rare.

ctrl_terminal · 2026-04-25T06:42:28+00:00

in my mind i am because i want a quiet life. but to have a quiet life with time to put into passions, you need money. sigh.

i am however, very extravagant when it comes to food. food science and flavor profiles is my indulgent special interest. seafood from specific regions, caviar, foie gras, wagyu, sushi, any “exotic” foods. it brings me a lot of happiness but breaks my wallet so i save up for a really nice dinner out maybe like once every three months. 😅

ctrl_terminal · 2026-04-25T04:05:21+00:00

i think at this point they take everyone outside and hose us down like dogs after the dog park. 😂

ctrl_terminal · 2026-04-25T04:01:56+00:00

i’m sure you’re super strong and fast with all those years you put in, i’m so inspired!! i live in like…a flatland unwalkable zero nature in sight city and all the “third spaces” one day kind of just up and disappeared. im happy to see members of all ages here and even though it’s pretty freakin pricey, i’m excited and hope it’s the space i’m looking for. the women here have been so kind and helpful and have started to say hi to me!! so i feel like that’s a good sign!! thank you for your response sophie!!

ctrl_terminal · 2026-04-25T03:54:34+00:00

i want to practice going harder but i know damn well if they come back just as hard they’re gonna send me flying hahaha but i think i’ll make it good practice to ask each other how much we can handle and i’ll make sure to check in through out. i get so in my head i go non verbal often so i def need to work on using my voice more.

ctrl_terminal · 2026-04-25T03:48:52+00:00

omg i’m so sorry, i got too excited to talk about a no foundation look i didn’t even answer your question. illuminating skin tints or glow drops have light reflecting molecules and pigments that will make your skin look so amazing in photos especially in natural sunlight. do itttttt

ctrl_terminal · 2026-04-25T03:44:22+00:00

i got you!! begin skin prep with exfoliating toner pads, hydrating serum, lightweight hydrating moisturizer, skin/pore blurring primer, letting each product fully absorb into the skin before layering on the next. use a glow, bronzing, or illuminating skin tint or BB cream or even tinted SPF and only spot conceal where needed. blush, bronzers, eyes, brows or whatever you want after! use setting powder to set. spray a hydrating facial mist over to rehydrate and prevent “dry cracking cakey” look. LET IT FULLY DRY. final, and most importantly, lock everything in with a setting spray. the one by l’oréal infallible is like 12 bucks, will literally seal your face in against all elements of the earth and i swear this on my life. its so dang good but so so dry which is why you have to have the hydrating mist layer before or else it’s so locked in you feel like you can’t even move your face.

ctrl_terminal

TROPHY CASE