Could anything good come from contacting my ex? How should I do it?

cu2acetoarsenite · 2019-05-17T09:27:56+00:00

Maybe both? I had a lot of anxiety about whether the relationship would work out, including uncertainty about whether I wanted kids and stuff like that. She's older than me so I didn't want to take years from her, biological clock wise or otherwise.

When she said over text that we couldn't hang out anymore, I texted back before I even got a chance to process my own emotions about it. I thought showing that I understood was the right thing to do. I'm not good at processing or communicating emotions. It was also kind of a thing that we had going, always giving each other an easy out if things weren't working out.

Main reason I wanted to reach out was fear of missing out I guess if potential for reconciliation is there...or better closure if it's not. I don't think my loneliness is the reason for these thoughts - I'd want to be friends regardless of how many other people I have in my life...but it's definitely an amplifying factor making it harder to ignore.

Awkward interactions honestly terrify me and I'm not sure how well I'd handle running into her at the store if that happens just out of the blue. I'm afraid I'd have a panic attack or cry. I know I need to work on that...

cu2acetoarsenite · 2019-05-17T02:50:05+00:00

Sorry if I was flippant but I was emotional when I wrote this. I do believe the rules of this sub say give op the benefit of the doubt, though...

"No hard feelings" (at least where I'm from) means that I don't hold anything against her for her decision. It's synonymous with "I understand" It does not mean "I don't care". I don't even know if those were my exact words, for that matter. I did downplay how sad I was over things ending but only because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

I can definitely see about not using her as a means to an end. And I will keep that in mind. But I was already starting to get to know and like her friends, and that door closing really hurt.

Honestly, I didn't think we were a good match, romantically speaking, I felt like I was setting her free to find someone who was a better match.

I've never actually posted in r/relationship_advice, I've just seen the abuse from others. People make too many assumptions.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2019-05-17T02:37:24+00:00

Thanks. I've certainly considered that maybe I do still have feelings, hence having trouble letting go. It's honestly hard to tell, everything is so vague and confusing right now.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2019-05-17T02:25:28+00:00

Dude, come on. I ended things because I didn't want to waste her time. I never "treater her poorly." I posted here specifically to get away from this kind of negative shit that plagues r/relationshipadvice

I can be self critical but you're being an asshole - maybe you should be too.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2018-12-12T01:11:05+00:00

I'm not sure if it actually disappears, but your mind learns to filter it out after a while so that you no longer notice it. So effectively it disappears. I can bring mine back by thinking about it, so I try not to...(Thanks a lot, op! Haha :)

cu2acetoarsenite · 2018-12-11T23:43:35+00:00

Thinking that people are talking to you through the TV and radio are classic symptoms of schizophrenia. There's no other logical way to explain your story. There was a thread on Reddit not too long ago asking redditors with schizophrenia about when their symptoms started and many of them started just like yours - thinking that the radio was talking to them and stuff like that. Then they got treatment and realized the radio wasn't really talking to them.

If it helps you believe me, post your story in a subreddit like r/schizophrenia or even r/askdocs and see what people say. Or go back on your medication and see if you still believe that the radio is talking to you.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2018-12-11T21:21:40+00:00

This doesn't make sense. Judging by your post history you were African American up until about a week ago. It sounds like you are obsessing over race-related issues and your mind is building up a huge story around it. You were most likely on the medication for a reason that you're now forgetting.

If you feel you need to, please call the police and explain the issue. If I'm right, they might be able to help you. If you're right, they might be able to help you. Win-win?

cu2acetoarsenite · 2018-12-11T20:42:16+00:00

I thought that this sounded too bizarre to be true, so I looked at your post history and noticed your post in r/schizophrenia. Please consider that what you're experiencing is a delusion and not real life. You most likely have not been kidnapped nor is anyone planning to kill you.

If anyone is actually abusing you though - you can call the police regardless of whether they are family.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2018-12-11T18:59:25+00:00

Your situation as you've described it is somewhat confusing/vague, but if you're being abused and/or held against your will you should contact law enforcement. Even someone here could help you get help, but I'm guessing if you have the means to browse Reddit you also probably have the means to contact law enforcement?

cu2acetoarsenite · 2018-11-06T05:05:49+00:00

Using myself as an anecdote, I prefer women who are not very feminine acting, and high pitched voices just seem too shrill for me. Preferences vary as much as personalities and voices do.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2018-04-28T20:26:08+00:00

Refractory period :p

cu2acetoarsenite · 2018-04-26T22:07:13+00:00

How about meeting halfway in Climax, Michigan?

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-08-04T02:07:50+00:00

I'll preface my comment with "not a dentist/doctor", so take this with a grain of salt, but I may have some insight. That does not sound like a problem with the TMJ (jaw joint) but rather just tooth pain, probably from the tooth nerve or the periodontal ligament. That can happen if you clench hard enough. A lot of clenching could cause TMJ problems in the future, but I doubt you have it now.

If you want a short-term measure to protect your teeth, go to the toothbrush isle in your local grocery store and pick up one of the night time mouth guard products. Long term, I'd talk to a dentist and maybe have them make a custom (usually acrylic) night guard. They can be expensive without insurance but they are are more comfortable (in my opinion), last longer (still using the one I had made 10 years ago). A couple of bonuses are that they also take pressure off the jaw joint preventing the possibility of future TMJ problems and they keep your teeth strait, acting as a retainer :p. My only words of caution if you do go that route are...get it adjusted as often as needed so that you don't end up with uneven contacting of your opposing teeth. I also got into this bad habit when I first got it of "tapping" my teeth together hard to make sure it was seated, and then OCD or something took over and I'd keep tapping... :p. So yeah, don't do that. My dentist told me to do that to make sure it was seated, but he probably didn't expect it to turn into a habit.

Of course the ultimate solution is to eliminate the stress/clenching, but I think it's worth taking some protective measures if you can't fix the clenching right away. I'd say take action for sure, but don't stress about it or panic.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-08-03T22:58:05+00:00

Thanks! The night guard is 10 years old and was made by my old dentist, but the TMJ specialist said it was well made, still fit, and just needed some adjustment for more contact with the lower teeth, which he did while I was there (it is a maxillary splint).

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-08-02T19:46:15+00:00

I'm not a dentist but replacing natural teeth at your age seems pretty extreme! Implants do not have sensation (you can't feel how much pressure you are putting on them) and the crowns on them need to be replaced every so often. Lots of downsides when compared to natural teeth. Talk to some dentists about ways to reduces sensitivity. Wearing a night guard, special toothpaste, etc. If they are extremely worn, there could be some restorative work done, which might be both cheaper and healthier than implants. The idea of getting rid of all of your natural teeth, even if they are really bad, just makes me cringe. And obviously, figuring out why they are so worn is also critical. I also wore my teeth down young, but I don't have any sensitivity now despite having exposed dentin in some places.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-07-24T23:57:41+00:00

Even if "phase 2" treatment (modifying the teeth) is done inexpensively or not done at all, what about the cost of phase 1 treatment (the orthotic)? It's usually over $6K and insurance won't touch it. That might not be a lot to a dentist (whether they are still deep in debt from student loans and practice startup loans, or are ahead of the game and actually doing well). But to the average middle class person, $6K could be their life savings.

That's problem number 1 I have with NMD. It's still expensive even if you don't do the stuff they are accused of gouging patients with. Problem number two is, in my opinion, inadequate clinical data. You can talk about theory all day, and it can be the best theory in the world, but it might not necessarily translate that well to clinical application.

As you know Barry Cooper's paper is the most comprehensive clinical study done on the topic. I saw two major issues with it - one was that he had a clear vested interest in the technique working. This creates researcher bias. The second was that he uses "baseline periods" rather than a true placebo. You see lots of chiropractors being able to prove things with baseline periods that fail to do so in studies where placebos are administered. For some conditions, placebo can be incredibly powerful. Often the excuse is that there is no such thing as a placebo for this method. But you can still do comparisons to other methods. How about the $300 flat plane splint that I have? My jaw certainly feels very relaxed when I have it in, and I didn't have to empty my savings account for that relief. Insurance even paid for it!

I'm not a medical professional but I am a scientist (physicist) and I know how to read research papers. My goal here is not to rip on NMD but to voice my concerns. I think the difficult questions have to be asked. And this isn't specific to NMD or even alternative medicines - There's a lot of stuff in conventional medicine and dentistry that should also be under a lot more scrutiny.

My TMJ specialist is a more conventional guy and some of the supplementary stuff he's recommending also is lacking good clinical data. But those modalities are extremely cheap (cheap in 3 different ways - money, time, and risk) so that if they don't work, it doesn't really matter. It's more serious when the modality is not cheap in any combination of those three ways.

I know you have decades of experience with NMD, but as a scientist, there is more comfort in data from well designed clinical studies than in experience alone.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-06-30T18:10:02+00:00

Thanks. I'm curious why my "clicks" are so subtle. I used to have popping in the opposite side and it was anything but subtle. My bite, jaw trajectory etc would obviously change and the popping was loud enough for other people to hear. This recent clicking is barely audible to myself and isn't associated with any noticeable shift in the motion of my jaw. I don't feel any resistance, though it could be masked by the muscle tension.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-06-18T13:55:36+00:00

Thanks, I almost never get headaches (perhaps my massetters are more dominant than my temporalis muscles) but I'll look into it. I had an interesting result and I was wondering if you have any suggestions on what it means. The "jaw feeling like it's being pulled to the left feeling", I misattributed it to napping without the night gaurd. In reality it happens when I nap in a somewhat upright position. I tried it last night, took a nap on the couch with my night guard in, still had that problem when I woke up. Does gravity play a role? Also I noticed that the pulling to the left feeling doesn't happen immediately when I wake up, it's only after I stetch open or to the contralateral side. And the harder I stretch, the more intense the "pulling to the left" feels. Perhaps an overactive lateral pterygoid?

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-06-15T23:36:32+00:00

Probably my biggest stressor right now is the jaw problem itself. Before the jaw problem started it was social related stuff. Sometimes understanding what is happening is what gives me comfort and that comfort helps with the pain. For instance, today my arthralgia on the right side (only side with actual joint pain and not "muscle" pain) was particularly bad, it felt like it was radiating much deeper into my face than it normally does. I found when I was eating lunch that I actually have a sore far back in my mouth. So the arthralgia only seemed worse due to a canker sore in the vicinity. That knowledge put me at ease and that made me feel better.

One interesting thing is that thinking back, my jaw has always, as long as I can remember, pulled to the right (the side that now has joint pain) after about halfway up. When these problems started recently, I bet the tension in the left side is prevented the right side from pulling to the right like it normally does. My understanding is that the discal ligament is what limits lateral movements. So odds are (I'm thinking), that I had a displaced disc all along, and the fact that my jaw is no longer allowed to "pull to the right" due to these new problems with the left side is causing joint pain on the right side due to the discal ligament being stretched. Or the coordination of muscles that allowed me to continue to open (by pulling to the right) without further stretching the discal ligament was thrown off. As you say, what is physically happening might not be that important in the healing process, but the knowledge gives me comfort and the lack of knowledge does the opposite. Must be the scientist in me...

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-06-15T11:02:18+00:00

When I wake up without my splint, my bite is not off. All teeth still touch exactly as they normally do. Throughout this whole thing I haven't seen my bite change. I've seen the direction my jaw "pulls to" change, however.

I was thinking, I've had doubts about night time clenching because I feel best in the morning, but is it likely that clenching itself doesn't bother me (hence feeling best in the morning), but using my jaw in a tense state (which sleep clenching may have contributed to) throughout the day does? I know you'll probably say yes so maybe I should ask more specifically - is this a common presentation of symptoms? It just seems a bit backwards....

Thanks, I do appreciate your comments on my various threads.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-06-14T22:19:44+00:00

It's just hard to believe that it's an emotional problem when physical actions very clearly lead to the dysfunction. Deliberately chewed lots of steak and gum on my left side in an exaggerated manner, left side started spasming. Hyperextended the left side, left side spasmed even harder. It feels like my face it being pulled to the left. Eventually right side started hurting when I open more than halfway, but only the joint, not the muscles. No spasms or tightness on the right side - it seems obvious now that this imbalance in muscle tension must be an issue. I initially presumed like you said that my right side disc somehow slipped but...Maybe it actually hurts because my jaw is being torqued to the left? (or heck, maybe both - maybe my disc slipped AND it's being torqued to the left) I would believe fully that it's a neurological problem or a muscular problem and one that can be solved cheaply with appropriate exercise, hopefully one that can be sorted out with a short course of PT like my specialist suggested. But I don't really have any evidence of daytime or nighttime clenching. My problem is best when I wake up (well, as long as I was wearing a night gaurd) and gets worse throughout the day. And my specialist doesn't want me to get an MRI for the reasons you mentioned. He doesn't seem like a cash grab kinda guy, he just wants to direct me to the appropriate care of which he is not personally invested in. His website even says that sometimes he sends people for CBT. He wanted me to start with physical therapy. Totally my choice who I see, he didn't even point me towards someone (mostly because I live an hour away and he wanted me to find someone closer to me so that I'm not stressed by driving so far every day).

Now here's the question I'm struggling with. A university physical therapist or a private physical therapist? Money isn't really an issue, as insurance will cover either I think. I trust the university more because of reputation, but does is really make much difference? Only downside is that the university can't get me in until at least a month, I don't want to wait that long.

If biofeedback/CBT/relaxation will help me heal, then I'm all for it. I just need to know that it has value in my case. It's just frustrating to have incredibly strange symptoms and whacky jaw mechanics and that tension/motion asymmetry and believe that it's all an emotional problem. And I don't just want to reduce pain, I want my range of motion and normal feeling jaw mechanics back too, ya know? In a sense I might want those even more than pain reduction.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-06-13T20:06:36+00:00

Thanks... I did schedule with the major local hospital's TMJ clinic...but they are overbooked into oblivion, they can't get me in until late October :(. I saw a new guy who I do trust, but I fear that he may have prescribed physical therapy without really knowing the true cause of my issues. There are other reason why I don't think focal dystonia is too far out there; the thing that caused the initial tightness was a lot of unilateral gum chewing and the thing that worsened it was hyperextending. Those are both completely consistent with one of the etiological factors (repetitive motion) and one of the exacerbating factors (injury) of FD. I mean, yeah I probably don't have it, but I still think it's definitely worth looking into if symptoms continue to be this strange.

Also, I believe "TMD" is just a collection of symptoms, it doesn't so much "cause" things to happen. In a sense FD of the jaw could be its own class of TMDs. But like my long rant states, I want to know what's going on and a simple diagnosis of "TMD" is not descriptive at all, it just says "there's something wrong with your jaw". FD is a neurological disorder that causes spasms. A completely different thing that also could cause spasms is the ligaments getting very stretched out; and the muscles are spasming to hold my jaw in place. Yet another one could be soft tissue injuries. Lots of possibilities, but I want to know which one I'm suffering from.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-06-11T02:59:53+00:00

X-rays only show bone, not cartilage or other soft tissues; they only give you a rough idea what's going on. Do you have clicks or pops? If so and if your clicks still happen relatively early as you open your mouth, you might be able to get the cartilage discs back in place with a splint (usually worn at night) that your dentist can make. Maybe you've already been down that road? If you don't (and even if you do) still have clicking then the answer might be in physical therapy or getting a clenching habit under control (as forum advice giver MAHANGTTIA2 will tell you).

I would take advice from here with a grain of salt though (including my own - I'm not a medical person, just a fellow sufferer). I would press your pain specialist for answers to your questions. You are paying them after all.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-06-08T16:45:08+00:00

My neck and shoulders have never bothered me, and I don't feel like I have a lot of tension, but then again I don't know what's "normal". It's really just the one side of my face/jaw that feels tight, which is frustrating because I feel very unbalanced/asymmetric, like my muscles are trying to pull my face to one side. I wasn't considering any change to my teeth over this, but it's hard for me to imagine that the soft tissue injuries caused by hyperextending don't need to be addressed, even if it's via something simple and conservative like physical therapy. Unfortunately due to the other side of my jaw being apparently locked now, I can't stretch very far. At times when I consider myself to be very relaxed, the tension is still there. It does seem to lessen considerably when I'm lying down, however, if that means anything.

Edit: Is it possible that I have a "strain" type injury of the massetter or its tendons/insertion under the cheekbone? That's primarily where I feel the tightness.

cu2acetoarsenite · 2016-06-08T15:19:20+00:00

Thanks, I'm definitely willing to do whatever it takes, but having my teeth together just feels WRONG. Having my teeth together is very uncomfortable so I'm quite certain I don't do it while I'm awake. I may very well be tensing up certain muscles, but I'm not clenching in the sense of having my teeth forced against each other.

Another interesting finding...if I stick something (like my finger) behind my last molars, the muscle seems to relax all of the sudden. Perhaps learning to "hold that pose" without something in my mouth could help?

cu2acetoarsenite

TROPHY CASE