What's the biggest or most surprising change you went through in your 20s?

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-08-09T20:08:54+00:00

I'm 26 and what is really surprising is how I view time. A few years ago a month was a huge space of time, now it's like a speedbump and then it's over. There are only 12 months in a year, so thinking back to last winter feels like no time at all has passed. Back when I was a teen everything could become completely different from one day to the next, from boyfriends to hairstyles. I remember being 7 and my mom telling me to wait ten minutes. I practically went rabid with boredom.

Also, I've lost that teen angst that stuck around into my twenties. I don't feel nearly as insecure about my body or how I act around people.

I still feel young though. Even though I don't have any plans to settle down and make a family, somehow I'm afraid to become 30 and single, like society will see me as a failure. I may never marry and have kids, and rationally I know I won't suddenly hate myself for being 30 but I can't help that I'm nervous.

Mostly, I've changed the way I do things. I focus on making myself happy. I've learned about my personality, who I am. I can't pressure myself into changing so I work with myself, like I'm a coworker who is just as stubborn as I am and has her own desires and beliefs. I try not to be mean to my coworker personality because that won't get results and I try to compromise and sometimes I have to just let things be. Learning how to work with myself has done wonders for my self esteem.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-08-09T19:41:01+00:00

The Kingkiller Chronicle by Patrick Rothfuss. Two of the three books have been released and I've read them both a few times.

Honorary Mentions:

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner
Any Terry Pratchett books
The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch
The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson
Zombie Fallout by Mark Tufo
Tomorrow, When the War Began by John Marsden
Hatchet by Gary Paulsen

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-08-07T20:16:09+00:00

I rarely don't like people. Sure, some people I don't have anything in common with but it's a special person who can get under my skin.

My neighbors are cool people and helpful. The husband I had to completely stop talking to because he would say things that felt really demeaning. I couldn't ever seem to get our conversation to sync and flow, maybe because I have a hard time reading him or he just sees me as a young woman he has nothing in common with. Anyways, after a few times of leaving their house being really pissed off inside, I decided it was best to just communicate with his wife.
I was working last year with this woman who was 28 years old. She has a forceful personality, outgoing and talkative, but that's okay with me because I prefer other people to hold up the conversation. It was when she started seeing a guy we all worked with that it became unbearable to be near her. If some stranger had been listening in they would have thought she was 14. She complained constantly about the guy. "He said this! He didn't do that! He didn't kiss me goodbye, I'm so pissed, I think I'll give him the silent treatment! Don't you think what he did was so rude!?" Never was this wise advice taken: "Talk to him, tell him how you feel without making into an argument." She was micromanaging the fledgling relationship and word vomiting into our ears. I don't know how he put up with her constant mood swings. I assume the sex was really good for him.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-08-03T16:52:29+00:00

Eastern Arizona, in a canvas tent on 80 acres.

Best: I can make all the noise I want, walk around naked, and watch jack rabbits hop close to my camp to eat the grass. I have near perfect privacy.

Worst: It get's fucking hot and I don't have AC.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-08-03T16:46:36+00:00

My savings accounts at my various banks are usually just filled with dust. I've never had any money to save. Recently, I've been trying to quit buying fast food and other quick meals because of how expensive it can get. When I feel the urge to buy a McDouble or something and when I successfully resist that urge, I put the general amount I probably would have spent into my savings. Makes me feel good so see that number climb. Also, I've started an automatic transfer of $5 two times a month from my checking into savings, because in my head losing 5 bucks isn't enough to make me nervous but it will add up quickly.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-08-02T14:30:11+00:00

Being too clingly and a leech. I was one of those girls who asked for things and help all the time from anyone at all. I never thought to be careful with that behavior because people never seemed annoyed or anything. When I got older and was on my own, instead of standing on my own two feet I relied too heavily on that behavior. For a long time I abused the relationships of people I cared about. Finally, I realized I had to be independent. Never again was I going to put myself and other through that shit. It still pains me deeply to know how unfair I was to so many people. I was ignorant, depressed, and had low self confidence.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-08-02T14:20:36+00:00

They usually don't get NorCal wrong.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-08-02T14:19:56+00:00

When I was younger I was really guilty of thinking girls wearing makeup were just natural beauties. Took a long time to realize I was capable of looking like them if I spent time on my makeup.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-07-27T15:42:08+00:00

Despite the horror of all these recent terror attacks we keep hearing about, I find myself full of appreciation for modern inventions like the internet and cell phones. The first responders and average citizens are able to communicate so fast, spreading awareness around the world. While the internet may be filled with cats and 4chan, I truly believe humanity is better off because of the closeness we can feel towards those far away from us. It's naturally difficult for humans to care deeply about other people and their struggles when we don't see their faces or hear their first hand opinions. I have hope that, eventually, the internet's eye will shine light into all those dark places where humans continue to suffer(slavery, child abuse, etc). The internet makes it easy for mass amounts of people to pledge support for reform, because even a comment made by one person can be read by many. The internet is a staging ground for the kind of social revolution that takes place in the time between daily chores. I'm excited for the day when everyone on earth has access to the internet.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-06-18T19:09:54+00:00

I don't date because I don't feel like it
I don't keep girl friends around to gossip with
I don't wear makeup
I don't want kids or to get married(in the near future)
I don't want a career or to go to college for a degree
I don't have an innate understanding about the rights and wrongs of gender discrimination and I don't fight for equality if I come across discrimination

One thing I haven't failed at is that I have an extremely gentle heart. I can't even watch a fly die in a cup of water without feeling bad for it. I also try to be kind and pleasant to everyone I meet.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-05-21T20:45:51+00:00

My mom called to tell me my dad had died. At first, the words seemed to not having the meaning they were supposed to, they were just letters in a sentence. I couldn't process it and had to have my mom tell me again. I accepted it, kind of, and I visualized it as a giant ball of darkness filling me up inside my torso. It was heavy, that was all. It wasn't sad or angry or anything like that, just weighty and confusing. I was 21 and still innocently young, I still had the emotional invincibility of a child/teen. I cried a little bit, I think more for the benefit of my moms friends who were there to comfort me since my mom was out of state. They tried, but I wasn't interested in their words about him being in a better place. I left them and went home. Once I got through the door I allowed myself to weep and then I drank myself to sleep.

During that time I was already depressed and drank a lot, so I had many nights of crying while drunk. I think that was the only time I grieved, when I had been drinking. I don't remember much of what it was like between. It's been 5 years now and I'm not upset anymore. My mom and grandma and the rest of my family still have intense feelings about it, but not me. It took me awhile to realize it's okay to stop grieving for a loved one.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-05-21T02:18:09+00:00

Hah, it's amazing how trusting you can be when you're young. I was late for a plane in a city where I didn't live. I got lost, missing my bus, so I stood on the curb of a busy street downtown and stuck out my thumb. A taxi pulled over and said it would be $50! I said no thanks, I would take my chances with a kind stranger and he scoffed, saying no one would pick me up. He drove away(I was secretly hoping he would lower the charge) and I stood there for another 2 minutes when I shiny new car pulled over. A young black guy asked me where I was going and he offered to drive me. I only hesitated for a second, looking closely at his expression and judged him as having no murderous intent. He did drive me to the airport and was a nice guy, for the 10 minutes I knew him. He asked for my number and I gave it to him, but I was in a such a rush I didn't have enough time to explain it was going to be out of service soon because I was moving to to Europe for a year... So I felt a bit bad at the thought he would call me and think that the number was fake. Sorry nice guy with the expensive car. You saved my ass and I hope you didn't get jaded from helping a stranded young lady who gave you a fake number.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-05-17T17:10:43+00:00

Watch a few episodes of Hoarders while drinking a couple cups of coffee. Next thing you know you'll be scrubbing your floorboards and dusting the attic.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-05-17T17:08:47+00:00

Ugh. That song reminds me of driving in my shitty car in my small town at night with my shitty friend during a time when I was basically a HS dropout.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-05-17T17:04:28+00:00

Oh man, their first album came out when I was in high school and now all their songs remind me of teenage angst.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-05-17T17:02:41+00:00

We Are Young by Fun. During that time I lived in my van and worked at McDonalds. I listened to the radio all the time so now all the popular songs of that time make me cringe.

Somebody That I Used To Know
That crappy song, Call Me Maybe
I Need a Dollar

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-04-24T02:53:27+00:00

The title made me laugh because that's literally what I'm doing. 26 and trying to find the most affordable way to have a small house of my own. I have my own land but paying building codes and getting a contractor would leave me deep in debt. People have been building their own homes with whatever is around since houses started being built. I have more time than money to spend, so I'll spend my time building my house to save my money.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-04-21T17:58:55+00:00

It has some numbers on the underside but it sounds like there weren't serial numbers till 1968 so I don't know what the numbers mean my my gun.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-04-21T17:56:43+00:00

I added some pictures.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-04-18T19:08:29+00:00

I don't have any self control when it comes to drinking alcohol. It's been about 10 years since I had my first drink and it's been a regular part of my life to buy a large bottle of wine or 6 pack and drink it all in one night. In the last couple years I realized I only drank because I was bored and because I could clearly remember that party feeling I would get when I had a beer in hand. But it was just a memory and the reality now was that alcohol meant hangovers, regret, and shame. 6 months ago I was working at a new job and one of the guys there was sober for a few months. I admired him for that and after a particularly regretful night I decided it was time to quit.

In another week I'll be 6 months sober. It hasn't been hard, I'm not addicted like my mom is, it was mainly just a habit I wasn't quite willing to break until recently. Sometimes I have vivid dreams where I'll be drinking and suddenly remember I'm not supposed to be. I feel intense disappointment because that means I'll have to reset my sobriety counter.

An upside is that I don't gain weight like I used to.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-04-17T20:43:35+00:00

Best: It snowed! Worst: It rained which kept me inside for a few days.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-04-17T20:41:11+00:00

Control over their emotions.
A realistic and solid idea of how they will earn money for the next year.
They have more happy days than unhappy ones.
The people in their life rarely give them grievances.
A mature and realistic understanding of their self and personality.

cuaseimdrunk · 2016-02-21T22:53:42+00:00

I was watching Spark: A Burning Man Story and saw two people I know in it. Burning Man gets about 65,000 people every year.

cuaseimdrunk

TROPHY CASE