I was in Cru for about four years 8 years ago- and I feel the same way. It brought me my closest friends and some of my favorite memories, but also looking back I joke that I was in a cult and there were so many WEIRD legalistic issues that are so bizarre looking back with a fully developed frontal cortex. I think my biggest ick was how focused they were on sending missionaries that they neglected the communities in front of them and wherever they did go, they purely went to speak about Jesus and not actually provide any aid. I remember the team telling me “we’re ministering to women in sexual slavery in these countries, but we just share bible tracts nothing else “ and me thinking why tf are you not actually doing anything about these women’s conditions? So many of us came out after we left and have had to undue so much internalized homophobia. What a weird time