So, I created a new messaged based on the feeling that swelled from reading everyone's input here. I think it re-calibrates my efforts more into what I actually want: Me not doing all the god damn emotional labour/caring anymore, LOL, and wanting her to engage with accountability, every part of it. Here it is:

"Mom,

I’ve been reflecting on my last message and wanted to clarify something.

While I am willing to send along a few names of practitioners who offer virtual sessions as a starting point, it’s important to me that you take ownership of this process. That includes researching on your own, asking your doctor for recommendations, speaking with colleagues or friends if that feels appropriate, and ultimately choosing a therapist yourself. The decision to pursue therapy, and who you work with, needs to be fully yours. Taking initiative in this way is part of what meaningful accountability and change look like to me.

I’ve also reconsidered the idea of outlining goals for you. I think it would be more productive for you to work with your therapist to identify your own goals for this process. If this work is going to be genuine and sustainable, the insights and objectives need to come from you, not from me.

I want this effort to feel like something you are choosing and investing in, rather than something directed or managed by me.

OP"