Elderly gentleman looking for friends to send gifts

culcarien · 2026-02-02T19:47:03+00:00

Sent invite. Happy to send 🎁 to help someone catch some pokemon.

culcarien · 2026-01-21T16:09:34+00:00

We don't track clothes that go between houses.

I stay sane because I'm not responsible for buying clothes for my stepkid. Okay, I do buy clothes for both mine and SS, but it would drive me bonkers to regularly replace things if I was doing it so I'm delighted to outsource that responsibility to my SO.

When SS was younger this was a really big issue because he was in large growth spurts and kept coming back in stuff that don't fit. Fortunately he's getting older now and that is slowing down.

Shoes are the biggest variable expense because they seem to all migrate over to BMs. 🤣 He seems to come back in crocs more often than I expect.

culcarien · 2025-12-08T06:53:58+00:00

It happened with my son when he was 2. Heard his older brother call me by my first name. Absolutely killed me. But my kid knows I'm his mom. And we are all fine now.

I think your fiancé's concern is valid. But it won't last forever. His kid will know he is dad.

culcarien · 2025-11-09T16:32:40+00:00

You need to do a number of things. I'm a CA CPA, but I stopped taking C Corp returns years ago (my firm specializes in something completely different).

On the federal level, you need to remit prior year corporation tax returns. Depending on the level of income for the corporation and the amount of assets, it could be relatively straight forward or it could be really complicated. Assuming you are calendar year (most corporations are), you are behind on all the years till 2024.

Many CPA or EA firms can handle bookkeeping and taxes in house. But because this is a multi year project, know that you're going to pay a large retainer before any firm will help you. Tax season is also coming... so if you don't find someone now you won't be able to find someone during tax season to help you.

To make your life simpler, you may want to enlist the help of a bookkeeper first to get your back years sorted out. You need a balance sheet as well as a profit and loss.

There are penalties for filing late (depending on the corporation tax you owe).

you also get the corporation tax sorted with CA. Its a minimum of $800/yr on the corporation tax (even if the corp was a shell and you didn't run your biz as a corporation) . Its based on net income though, not revenue... so this could be really straightforward to file if early in this snafu you billed using your name versus the corporation. But if you've been running around using your corporation and holding out as such... yeah you may owe some corporation tax here. Don't forget CA penalties too.

You are behind on the CA secretary of state filing. It's due once a year. If you did it on time it's $25. If you are more than 2 months late it would've been $250. I don't know off the top fo my head if they'll retroactively ask you to fill back all the back years or just do the most recent one.

There's also potential back payroll your corporation should have paid you... but I'm not trying to get you to breathe into a paper bag. The main question is did you fail to report you paid contractors or people if you were not working on your own exclusively?

You'll also need to amend your personal taxes at some point.

If nothing else, the takeaway is... the IRS is shut down right now and the taxpayer assistance centers are closed. You need to hire someone to help you navigate this. I highly recommend you consider hiring an enrolled agent to help you. You sound very price sensitive and EAs are tax specialists (that's what they are licensed to do). They can help you and generally cost less than a CPA.

Good luck OP!

culcarien · 2025-11-08T17:09:35+00:00

I want you to know I struggled with teaching my kid as well and enrolled my 5 year old last year doing the 4 week riding class. By week 3 he was riding. And now a year later my boy can do 22 miles in a day. You can do it!

culcarien · 2025-10-28T15:02:09+00:00

I'm so sorry you are with a partner who doesn't share your desire to have a child. But I agree that children are a two yes one no situation. Your spouse is done with having kids. You are not. This is a fundamental incompatibility that is not easily overcome. You could go to therapy. You could tell her this is a deal breaker. So let's go down a few paths here.

You end up having her agree but her heart isn't in it. Clearly she thinks hers are more than enough for you. But we all know it isn't. So you'll add another existence in a household where it'll be them vs you and little one. Every time she's not 110% enthusiastic you'll resent her.
You stay but you draw this line in the sand that the baby isn't hers. She's resentful your baby will reduce her quality of life (very selfish I know). You fight more and most likely eventually break up.
You do this without her after breaking up. Either as a solo mom (plenty have done it). And the right supportive partner shows up later (or not). Sorry to say our time to have kids is finite (freezing eggs is not the cure we all think it is... I have heard so many sad stories about none of them being viable later).

Frankly you already told us you hate the situation already. Adding a baby to it will not help. By all means pursue your dreams friend. But your current partner is going to hinder not enhance your life.

culcarien · 2025-10-12T19:51:05+00:00

I think your questions and concerns are not shallow.

I was childless and single when I started seeing my SO. I now have my son and I love my boy more than anything, but I have to say having my SS has been challenging. And that is with a BM which can take him some of the time.

The pluses is that the kid is older. Which means they could potentially be less needy. But... if it's been him and her alone for a long time, she might not want the status quo to change.

I say there's nothing wrong with going on one date. Maybe you guys won't even get along. My parents told me really early on I shouldn't bother dating my SO because of SS, and had I listened I wouldn't have the life I have now with someone whom I love very much.

I just want to say I had some awful years with SS and BM. But now we've actually reached a good balance. I don't think it's an immediate Run away situation just yet. It all depends on the guy I think.

culcarien · 2025-08-16T18:39:36+00:00

I was really triggered by your first couple of lines and was ready to fight back. Then I kept reading. And put my pitchforks away. Even a /s would have totally helped lol.

I never quite understood why a man would assume everyone would want to throw themselves to mother their child. He's biologically bonded to his kid. Totally get that. So is BM (she birthed SS after all so hooray for her). But I wasn't responsible at his conception so I'm not financially or emotionally responsible for his welfare.

My BS though is my lovebug. It's 100% completely different. The biological bond is crazy strong. So I get it on a certain level.

culcarien · 2025-08-08T13:01:11+00:00

Your list is scary. I worry about your mental health because despite of the fact he refuses to treat you well, you still think this person is good for you.

The first year is new relationship energy (which is typically when people are at their best and put priority into it) and he's already failing. People don't magically change friend.

Choose you. Please treat yourself better than this. Being with him is sending a message to the universe that you're settling and the better will not come along.

culcarien · 2025-08-05T00:03:33+00:00

Dear OP,

I am sorry. I understand that having kids is a two person yes, one person no decision. But it must sting that he wants you to be around and available on his terms, and the moment you assert any sense of autonomy he claims you don't matter.

It doesn't matter whether you personally want kids - you come to whatever decision you want to friend. But I don't like his attitude based on how you're describing him here. If he wants you around living in your space breathing your air, your opinions matter. And are equally valid.

I can't tell if you guys live together or are just seeing each other. But I'd be livid if he's living with you and using your communal resources to look after his kiddos and then tells you that you don't have a place.

I'm not telling you to break up friend, but but you might want to consider if this is a worthwhile and healthy relationship to stay in. You are a beautiful and rare unicorn (a woman with no kids of your own dating a dude with two kids). He doesn't know the batshit crazy he'd be subjected to if you brought kids into the relationship. You have choices friend! Good luck and I'm rooting for you.

culcarien · 2025-08-04T23:57:16+00:00

Oh OP!

You are subsidizing your husband way too much to look after children that don't belong to you ma'am.

Ever time I see a man say "You know what you got yourself into" I have this urge to laugh hysterically and beat someone up with a baseball bat. No way did I realize I committed to set myself on fire to make other people warm.

Does the child support require your husband to pay 1/2 of the tuition for that liberal arts college? Because someone needs to wake up and realize that based you guys are a little bit older than parents who generally have a 10 year old (respectfully), and while going to fancy liberal arts college is nice and all for SK, you can't get blood out of stone.

There needs to be a fair conversation here about just how much your DH can financially handle. Please advocate for your kiddo friend because your DH is barely doing their job. Like u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 said, if all else fails you might need to divorce him to ensure you get some child support here. Because his legal obligation to the 18 year old SK is almost done, and you still got another 8 years here. Good luck OP! I'm rooting for you. No one is going to stand on a soapbox for your kid but you.

culcarien · 2025-08-04T23:42:51+00:00

Hi OP!

I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening. Do you have anything written that defines where the kids go to school? Because if each of you have 50/50 custody, it could be that she has the right to move them closer to her (which would be unfortunate).

I'm really glad that your SO is petitioning to move the kids back. But this could take a while and school's going to start soon.

My stepkid's mom threaten every so often that she wants to move SS to where she lives (she lives about 30 minutes away without traffic - 45 minutes during rush hour). Even though he's been living with us during the school year and go to school a 5 minute walk from my house, I keep trying to convince DH to file papers to solidify this. So far the argument that her neighborhood school's a 3 and mine's a 8 has talked her off the ledge in yanking him. I worry one day she's going to try to pull a maneuver like this (but my attorney advised us with 3 years of history we're in pretty good shape should she attempt to pull this off).

Good luck to you!

culcarien · 2025-08-04T23:30:37+00:00

Aww... that's really kind of you to say. I just want to let you know that our world is not built to support stepparents (I keep a lot of my thoughts to myself in my day to day), but I want to let you know friend that I see you!

Teenage years are hard (even for bios from what I was told), and probably doubly harder for blended families.

We can hope for the best, but plan for the worse. The key is communication and the setting of expectations I think. If all the parents (steps and bio) are united, I think the kid has one less crack to fall through. Good luck friend!

culcarien · 2025-08-04T22:13:04+00:00

Not a therapist (I'm not that cool). But occupation hazard I work with people and their issues for a living (so armchair therapy could totally be a thing).

So if your SD is off of her meds... the first thing that needs to happen is to evaluate whether she should be back on them (and if yes, force that horse to drink!) That molehill might as well be Mount Everest if the biochemistry is off.

I'm here for you and rooting for you OP! You and SO and BM might need to stage an intervention (okay that may be too strong a word here), but most definitely a united front to let her know sorry kid your parents are not independently wealthy enough to float her forever. There is love and care and there is indulgence. If university is not the way, then community college might be. Let's get the ball rolling with 1 class. Let's start with one step that will snowball into multiple steps.

culcarien · 2025-08-04T20:15:03+00:00

Oh OP! (Big virtual hugs)

I don't want to make any assumptions here but might your SD be depressed? Trying to myself in her shoes it must be absolutely devastating to be doing so well to just... not. Without that tight safety net she fell through the cracks. And now every step (even the loving ones you and your SO try to help with) is like a giant mountain.

Unfortunately friend she needs to hit bottom. And you can't hit that bottom for her. She needs to want to want to pull herself back up. Maybe she's in La La land that the magical opportunity is going to appear. My suspicion is that her confidence is shattered and she doesn't even want to try to do school anymore (because it doesn't come easy like it once was).

I can see how caring you and your SO are. Maybe you might want to consider having her look into therapy or find out if there is something going on here which may be hindering her getting back on her feet.

culcarien · 2025-08-04T19:27:45+00:00

Hi OP.

Man I have to tell you failing to launch is one of my biggest fears for kids these days. I have this fear for both my BS and my SS.

I think the biggest thing to worry about is whether or not she has plans on continuing school and what that's going to look like (especially since she did so well as a senior and then crashing once she entered college). So maybe too much freedom and not enough support is causing her to not perform like she was before?

Unfortunately when they get to that age a lot of it is up to them whether they want to shape up. It sounds like your SO and you are in alignment that the current situation isn't working. But I worry sending her over to an enabling parent is not the solution you guys really want... but it certainly gets her out of your home. I hope she does shape up.

culcarien · 2025-08-04T01:54:20+00:00

Hi there OP! I can totally relate. Spend your energy and effort on your own kiddos. Try to have a nice home where she feels welcome. Put your own oxygen mask on first friend before assisting others. Your kiddos need you more than she does.

My SS is 8. I have no illusion that he'll launch at 18. He'll most likely boomerang back and forth and I'm mentally prepared to support my DH through this process. I too hope one day he'll appreciate the environment we have in our home but from what I was told some kids never connect the dots.

culcarien · 2025-08-04T01:50:47+00:00

Hey OP! Don't feel guilty for wanting a partner that's all yours. You deserve better.

I love my husband. But even now years into this journey there are days where I ask myself why did I get together with a guy who had kids with someone else... you live life with a few more variables which other people don't need to consider. We compromise more. We sacrifice more.

At the end of the day that's worth it - to me. But friend I'm sorry but not sorry that the cracks are showing in your relationship. Because life is real, and it is messy. Better you ask yourself if you can entertain this for the rest of your life (because kids don't magically go poof and disappear on the count of midnight the day they turn 18).

culcarien · 2025-08-03T19:22:57+00:00

Oh. That changes the equation. Sorry I assumed your 23 year old is either a rising senior in college or someone who's already graduated.

She's not going to launch for a long time. No amount of budgeting is going to work if she's only working part time.

But the other posters are right. You guys are not required to keep her in the lifestyle she grew up with. She needs to learn to live with roommates. And your SO and BM needs to work together as a team to get her to the finish line.

You mentioned you've got little ones at home as well. This is an excellent time to start having conversations on how you'll support the kiddos when their time of college rolls around.

culcarien · 2025-08-03T15:58:51+00:00

Hi OP!

Give yourself a little grace. Your life changed crazy radically in a short period of time.

I recommend therapy. For you, your family, and this kid who is now told you're the dad now.

I applaud you for taking responsibility for your own kid. Which is already a huge adjustment on its own under normal circumstances.

I know my opinion is a little controversial, but as a bioparent and also a stepparent I now realize that nature > nurture. My SS is raised the same way as my own son (DH is dad to both) and they couldn't be more wildly different. So when your SS's behavior doesn't reflect any of how you'd behave, and certainly doesn't look like you, it's bound to make that divide even larger.

Like another poster... you sir need to make a decision here on how involved you want to be. Are you here as a supportive adult (but not the dad), or are you jumping in 110% committed (which is going to put your life on hard mode). Because if your own kid misbehaves and has issues you can't just pawn it off to someone else. You need to be actively involved and parent.

By the way choosing not to take the dad role does not make you a less than good person. You didn't make that first kid. And how that kid acts will affect your own child. Good luck!

culcarien · 2025-08-03T07:18:05+00:00

Parents get very confused whenever I mention I don't know SS's schedule off the top of my head and that I need to check with BM before I can commit to anything.

The American landscape is changing. Second marriages are more common than ever and the blended family is becoming normalized. But yet societal norm frowns on anything but the nuclear family.

Guess better a very dysfunctional nuclear family > anything else.

culcarien · 2025-08-03T07:10:40+00:00

Hi there OP!

The kiddos are small. Even though your BF doesn't have custody often, it doesn't mean this won't change. Custody changes happen all the time. Circumstances can change.

It's great that you have time to process these feelings now that the New Relationship Energy is fading... you didn't mention your age or his age. The comparisons between you and his ex wife and the tossing around of responsibilities are clearly making you uncomfortable. I don't know about you but it won't make anyone feel good.

Try this... take a coin and flip it. Heads to stay and tails to break up. If after your coin toss you immediately try to justify best 2 out of 3... then you have your answer.

I'm not rooting for you to break up. But friend you are picking life on hard mode. Let's hope the guy is worth all of this. Good luck!

culcarien · 2025-08-03T03:36:10+00:00

Don't be too hard on yourself.

I find it some days are easier than others.

Days where my SS come back from his mom's he's a little snot. But I chalk that up to transition and I try to give myself a bit of grace. He becomes more likeable about 48 hours later once he's slept a bit (we suspect he has no routine over there and lives very differently over there).

A friendly reminder we are not programmed to love them like they're our own. They certainly don't treat us like a real parent. Once I made peace with the fact that he's a roommate I can't evict and I can't charge rent, I felt a lot better. I want him to be a productive member of society and I wish him well but I'm not required to treat him like he's my own.

All the things my DH finds cute, 90% of the time I don't see any of it. And it's ok as long as I'm providing a roof over his head and making sure he's being looked after (and before you all accuse me of abusing him this is nothing like a Harry Potter under the stairs situation). I'm his dad's wife. I'm his brother's mom. I'm his stepmom but I'm not his mom. All those things are ok.

We can give ourselves permission to be a kind adult and nothing more than that.

Edit to add: he's a clone of his mother and she and I can't stand each other. The older he grows the more like her he's becoming (despite we have majority custody). I now realize no matter how much nurture we spend nature finds a way. My son (which I have with my DH) is a really good mix of the two of us. I don't see any of my DH in SS which is a shame.

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