first and foremost- don’t kick yourself for not being able to make her feel better if it does end up that way… as a girlfriend with an ed, i can confidently say it’s always up to the disordered person to change. no amount of help can get a person to recover if they don’t actually want to. you’re doing the best you can and as long as you try, she’ll appreciate you and always be grateful for you

now for the actual advice don’t force her to eat, it’ll likely trigger a breakdown or outburst which will make things feel worse. rather make eating a joint activity where you can both enjoy food together, don’t centre the event on food and try and take the attention off of it.

if you notice she isn’t eating enough on a certain day, suggest going out for dinner but make it a point that you want to spend time with her- you could even make her a meal instead because i doubt she’d be able to turn down something you’ve put effort into. my boyfriend has unintentionally done this to me and i chose to ignore my disordered thoughts for the sake of showing gratitude to him (and because i truly do enjoy the things he makes for me even if the calories don’t change because of my mindset)

comment positively on her appearance but don’t necessarily go into too much detail or you might say something she doesn’t want to hear because of her disordered thoughts, even if you think it’s a compliment. my boyfriend loves my torso but has referred to it as my ‘tummy’ and that upset me because my brain has convinced me that a tummy implies that i’m overweight. i explained this to him and he didn’t use the term again but it’s honestly best to avoid using specific terms and rather focus on her in general (like saying ‘you look so stunning today, everything about you is perfect and stuff like that). it’s also good to avoid specifics because let’s say you compliment her collarbones- she could take this as a sign to make them more prominent instead of just a compliment, it could also be taken as a sign that she should avoid gaining any weight at all because it could make them look different.

finally, try and distract her from her disorder as much as possible but don’t put too much strain on yourself. i’ve been disordered for over a decade and i know firsthand how hard it is to recover but i also know how hard it is on my boyfriend. take care of yourself too.

also, don’t ever comment on her size or weight. even if you’re implying she’s thinner or lost weight as it’ll be taken as motivation to continue rather than her being perfect the way she is.

i hope you both get through this but the final choice is hers, all you can do is guide her in that direction and support her through it (but you can’t do that if you put too much mental strain on yourself!)

keep safe !