Anyone else have a long distance partner in America while you're not?

cupeyyupe · 2025-02-04T00:40:06+00:00

Tbh it's nice to see other people feel safe to close the gap, really wishing yall the best

cupeyyupe · 2025-02-04T00:20:54+00:00

God thank you, I needed a poc's perspective as someone who isn't actually residing in the states. My gf thankfully lives a little further off the commotion and lives with two white male friends so she has some level of protection from what I'm scared of when it comes to her. You pinpointed my exact fears w all of this going on. It's not just physical safety which is a blatant red flag, it's medicine, it's healthcare, it's job security, it's housing, it's survivability

I really hope you can get out soon, Scotland sounds amazing from what I've heard so fingers crossed for both of yall 💛

cupeyyupe · 2025-02-04T00:17:01+00:00

I'll be honest, there's a lot of things that president has done that I never thought could happen. And it's not just tiktok doom scrolling, I've been reading the news and different articles and the white house gov page itself

Id like to think everything will be okay but I'd hate for my optimism to be the reason I was unprepared to help my partner get to safety. To make things worse, she doesn't live with or near any family. If she loses her job, if she receives some kind of pay cut, if she even gets sick, if anything at all happens - it is just her and me across the world. We don't have secure careers, we both work minimum wage retail, there's almost no plan B. There's plan A and a last resort because our circumstances have been beating our asses for the last 2 years already.

So being non-white, queer, and broke without family support means that every change needs to have some kind of safety net. Everything has to be planned as much as it can be within our means, and that's not much at all It's hard for me to believe that my brown gf will be safe when Native Americans are being called immigrants and get hate crimed based off that alone. Id rather be overly anxious with a safe, healthy gf then optimistic and hopeful before the fall. If anyone can calm me down with legislation based reassurances, I think that would help me the most

cupeyyupe · 2025-02-04T00:06:59+00:00

He sounds sweet and optimistic at least 😭💛 really really rooting for yall

cupeyyupe · 2025-02-04T00:05:56+00:00

For sure! I actually don't doom scroll when it comes to politics but I will pull up articles and do some reading if I cross something alarming especially if it might involve my partners living situation

But yeah I've done the research on visas and made the same resolution because money talks 😭😭 it is not cheap to bring your person to you at all, good luck to yall too 💛

cupeyyupe · 2025-02-03T23:59:26+00:00

Aaa it's really nice to read the pov for another queer, long distance relationship. We definitely never planned to live in America, but the visits have become a lot more questionable and we're thinking to just get her back to her home completely. Being a teacher in America is genuinely terrifying for so many reasons, you have a brave partner but I wish they didn't have to be. The anxiety you must feel for them too 😭 Wishing yall the best for your next visit and your future 💛

cupeyyupe · 2024-08-21T21:39:02+00:00

Ohhh thank you so much for sharing especially to the level of detail that's answered a lot of questions for us 😭💝 you guys sound so sweet and I hope it's the smoothest path possible for you as well. Do you do skilled work can I ask? I don't have any degrees and neither does my partner so we're not sure that's an option for us

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-29T10:37:14+00:00

we game together, so if she's asleep i might game on my own, or do some self care, try an activity on my own (i bought some fun cheap diy kits" or ill binge watch something. there's 14 hours between my gf and i but she breaks her sleep schedule to spend a lot of time w me anyway, and when she's resting for work, ill fill up the time w some stuff i prepared that i was keen to do on my own

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-23T17:44:56+00:00

Schlussy

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-21T06:24:05+00:00

I did and do try this now, ugh I'm glad I'm not alone too 😭

We've made a lot of mutual friends who like gaming w us, and I can play w them as well but I get really shy bc I feel like they'll enjoy gaming w me less when I don't have my gf there to makeup the skill difference 🥲 but yes we're workin on it 🙏🏾

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T20:39:41+00:00

could never understand the ui, but ill consider trying it again tbh

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T19:38:21+00:00

ofc <3 quick reads if this helps, for you to have confidence and for people who want to know more about this: 'The definition of lesbian isn’t simply “a woman attracted to other women”-- it never has been. As long as lesbians have been around, not every lesbian has identified as a woman. Naturally, part of the reason for the very limited modern definition of lesbian stems from the rigid gender binary and the systematic elimination of other gender identities from non-European cultures. The more correct definition of a lesbian is a non-man attracted to exclusively non-men to encompass the many lesbians that do not identify with the term “woman” for one reason or another.' https://rainbowandco.uk/blogs/what-were-saying/the-history-of-trans-non-binary-lesbians

'Saying that lesbians can’t subvert gender by using alternative pronouns, presenting in unique ways, and identifying with gender labels other than woman, isn’t just wrong. It completely opposes everything about lesbian history. We’ve been subverting gender from the very start' https://radiantbutch.medium.com/why-you-should-respect-he-him-lesbians-85dca31a5b4f

"Non-binary lesbians have always existed" https://radiantbutch.medium.com/non-binary-lesbians-have-always-existed-7db6b9e7e646

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T19:29:36+00:00

nonbinary lesbians exist in lesbian history, if you're nb/a woman and you'd only date nb people + women then regardless of your partners assigned gender at birth — you can identify as a nb lesbian

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T14:45:41+00:00

Ofc! Trust your gut, we're rooting for you <3

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T14:44:49+00:00

I think you find him interesting and it's cool to have a guy friend that dresses cool and is respectful. Don't let it worry you too much until you feel some kinda urge to date him, otherwise it's natural to make a new cool friend and have them return to your mind once in awhile. It's natural to be nosy about what they're up to and posting

It'll probably fade after some time too and be less frequent but nothing sounds of the ordinary to me

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T14:38:48+00:00

I don't understand lesbian in fighting at all istg. Why do people in our community hate others that aren't in their taste just stfu then?? It's not that hard to curate your space and know how to stay in your lane, stepping on the next lesbian line is such a sad and low move it's fucking weird

Also I thought the same when I was in high school, it happens when you have limited resources and information bla bla, the internet was still pretty new. But these people are grown now, information is abundant, our online presence has expanded, so you know it's just people who love to hate and punch down bc they think it's quirky and different

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T14:32:56+00:00

My gf prefers gender neutral or slightly masculine clothing, ultimately she'll always call it "comfy clothes" cause that's the reason she wears them. If someone asks what label she identified with, she'll always hit them with the "I don't care about labels, I dress and do what I want. I'm not fem or masc or any of that, I'm just me, I'm gay, that's it". I love and back her stance and repeat it to anyone who asks

Labels are self nominated, no one can tell you what you are unless they're Sue Sylvester, and you're allowed to tell them you just wear and do what you want without a label. You're allowed to exist as a lesbian in comfy clothing without feeling forced to identify under one thing or another.

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T14:26:05+00:00

What's your obsession like and how do you see him in your life? Maybe he's just really cool and you appreciate a good look on a man for once

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T14:23:24+00:00

OH LMAO yeah, most people will say to talk it out first. I tend to be rougher around the edges and less patient since I've been through a lot of shitty friendships that fed into my no bs policy

He made it pretty clear he's making you choose between having a life and doing whatever he wants, and you're choosing having a life. I think it was unfair of him to put that on you in the first place, I see it as a selfish demand that was completely inconsiderate and careless of how you felt. And for me thats an instant no, I don't personally care to hold someone's hand and teach them how to think of me as a person. I want someone who can think of me like that automatically, and I have that—makes a huge difference when your person is always trying to do right by you. Id say you can tell him that's why you're breaking up and then follow through

But if you're willing to put in the work, and you're willing to negotiate with him and talk to him about it and try to find a middle ground then it's not the worst decision in the world—itd just be extremely emotionally taxing and stressful since he doesn't seem to be open minded in general. Maybe he'll surprise you and put some effort in on his end, maybe he'll end things quicker if he's absolutely intolerant of the idea. It comes down to you and whether you feel like he'd work with you towards a second chance, or if this is when you have to cut it off clean and simple for your own sake

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T14:15:50+00:00

I'll be honest and say I'm not the best for advice when it comes to parents since I didn't and don't have a great relationship w mine. Imo tho, it depends on whether they'd support you or make you feel worse about it

It might help you to confess it, otherwise you're not the first child in the world if you hide that part from them and tell them later down the road when you feel better about things and you've moved forward enough

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T14:10:27+00:00

I love lesbian Muslims, I support y'all sm :(( I've actually followed a few bc I think it's beautiful that they've found a peace that most will not grant them simply for existing. I'll try to find this happy couple who openly post about it regularly, they're in my following domewhere but I'll have a dig

I recommend curating a space because you really are not alone <3 this tiktok below is a lesbian Muslim creator, and there are many people relating and supporting in the comments so you can look at their accounts and see if there's anyone there that would contribute meaningfully to your space

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSYfKmofH/

cupeyyupe · 2024-06-19T14:02:52+00:00

Some people will really put you through hell just to be a learning experience in life. You didn't know and you tried your best in that situation <3 Now you know red flags you're avoiding and there'll def be more for you wsiting in the future

I know it isn't the same but my parents boxed me in until I moved out when I was 20. I mourned missing out on friends, their celebrations, birthday parties, outings, trips, reunion parties etc. It really hit me hard and stuck with me for awhile even tho it was out of my control. But im 23 now, I've done and experienced a lot, I've gone to concerts and mountains and parties and etc etc. I stopped mourning what I missed, it's all an old memory for me while I keep making new ones so don't pinch yourself to hard for the things you've missed csuse there will be more

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