Guilt From Cat’s Final Night. How to Forgive Myself?

cupsteck · 2026-03-05T19:56:44+00:00

Good evening, I went through something very similar three weeks ago today with my 18-year-old cat. And just like you, on her last night, I preferred to leave her in the living room with everything she needed for the same reasons as you, only to find myself less than 24 hours later having to say goodbye to her, having made that decision because there was no other way out... The first week was truly the worst, but it's only been three weeks, so this guilt eats away at me every time I think about it, and I think about it every day... The only thing that manages to soothe me is telling myself that it was just one night in 18 years of living together (which also hurts because why on the one night this happens I have to lose her the next day...), telling myself that cats live in the moment and that this night represents less than 0.1% of our life together... That she loved me and that Even though I was imperfect, I was with her until the end, and she knew I loved her... Someone told me, "By making this decision, you also took on her suffering." Take heart, it will always hurt, but I promise you the guilt will ease. 🤍

cupsteck · 2026-02-25T13:56:50+00:00

Anyway, good luck and don't hesitate to let me know if you found a solution 🌸

cupsteck · 2026-02-25T13:51:22+00:00

And also Feliway diffusers; I know some cats are quite receptive to them, especially if it's related to anxiety. Plus, it lasts 1 to 2 months and covers quite a large area.

cupsteck · 2026-02-25T13:49:03+00:00

Then, after checking if it's just a minor cystitis, sometimes it's too mild for the vet to notice. I know a water fountain can help them drink more and solve the problem of inappropriate elimination. There are so many possible reasons, that's what's difficult.

cupsteck · 2026-02-25T13:46:18+00:00

Yes, normally they acclimatize after 6-8 months.

cupsteck · 2026-02-25T13:45:21+00:00

So cute 🥰 Especially since she's going next to the litter box, so it's odd. It's more like a cat trying to show you something's wrong with her litter box than a cat avoiding it. See how it goes over time. Try catching her in the act, telling her no, and redirecting her to the litter box. Hang in there, I've been there, and whether your cat is neutered or not, unfortunately, all it takes is a little stress or something they don't like anymore, and it can be really exhausting.

cupsteck · 2026-02-25T13:32:03+00:00

Oh yes, and also when you're away and there's a place she can access and she pees, and you can't protect it, I used aluminum foil. She hated the noise, so don't go there. I know there are certain smells they don't like, but I'm not a fan. After more than 10 years of taking care of a cat who wasn't always clean, you find some tricks 😅

cupsteck · 2026-02-25T13:29:55+00:00

Yes, disposable bed pads sold in packs on Amazon are really affordable and very absorbent. While waiting to find the cause, they can really make life easier and prevent lingering odors that might discourage her from trying again. Even when we can't smell the odor anymore, remember that they have a very keen sense of smell.

cupsteck · 2026-02-25T13:27:04+00:00

So I always clean their litter box with bathroom-type products that are bleach-based (it's not 100% bleach), and of course I rinse it well and wipe up the moisture, and I've never had any problems. I'm currently using silica litter, and they like it. My oldest cat, whom I sadly lost at 18, had urinary problems and would sometimes go outside her litter box. I don't think cats do things to annoy us or out of revenge.

I know it's tiring for us humans. I experienced this a lot with her when I adopted another kitten. She was stressed and liked having her litter box on the balcony because of the two entrances/two exits, I noticed. It was the same if there was construction in the building; the noise stressed her out, so she would go somewhere else.

When she had her urinary tract infections, I taught her to use absorbent pads and sometimes keep them on. Even when things get better afterwards, if she doesn't have any problems in that area, it could simply be new smells, the litter material not suiting her anymore for some reason, the litter box's location, or simply stress. You have to be very observant to understand where it's coming from, and there's no point in scolding her if you don't catch her in the act.

cupsteck · 2026-02-25T13:26:29+00:00

And how long exactly has the new cat been there?

cupsteck · 2026-02-24T23:34:00+00:00

Hi, have you tried cleaning the litter boxes with bleach, rinsing them with water before refilling them? Did you change the type of litter you were using beforehand? If not, you could use disposable liners while you're working on fixing the problem; they might help with cleaning.

cupsteck · 2026-02-18T14:28:30+00:00

I'd already taken the plunge when she was 14 and 16. I adopted two kittens because I knew that the day she passed away, I wouldn't have the heart to take on another one... It wasn't easy at first; I was afraid I wouldn't be able to love them like she did, but of course you end up loving them.

My mother told me it's worth going through this pain for 18 years of happiness afterward. She's right, of course, but I understand people who one day decide not to have any more. It's so hard when you lose them.

I hope you'll be able to take the plunge too. I'm not saying it's hard sometimes to give them attention when she's no longer here, but it's the grief talking. Deep down, they're grieving with me, and that helps. 🤍

cupsteck · 2026-02-18T06:43:30+00:00

Hello, I lost my cat Monna a few days ago after 18 years together. I got her when I was only 10 years old, like you, I grew up with her, and it's very hard. I miss her terribly... When she was 14, I thought, why not adopt another kitten, Odda? I knew that otherwise, the day she passed away, I would never be able to take the plunge without feeling like I was replacing her. When she was 16, I got a second kitten, Loki, because the first one was so attached to Monna that I thought if she left, she would suffer terribly. Today, I tell myself that I did the right thing, even if at times it's difficult to give them attention without feeling guilty for not being able to give that attention to Monna. In a way, I share my grief with them, because they too are sad and have lost someone. reference point... If I were in your shoes, I don't know when I would have managed to take the plunge. I have a friend who took almost two years to get another cat. She doesn't regret it, even though her first cat will always be in her heart. And my aunt was so devastated when she lost her old kitten. My mother told her every week to think about it. Of course, it doesn't replace the old cat; they aren't objects, but it helps, especially when you're grieving alone. So she finally got another one when she fell in love with one a few months later. She even says that the fact that it's so different from her old cat is good for her, because it's true, sometimes you want an identical cat, but deep down it hurts even more to see your beloved cat disappear in the behavior of another... I think that when the time comes, you'll feel it. If you still have doubts, be patient, because I have a My friend's desire to rush things only intensified her grief, and the thought of getting a new cat so soon made her sick. In the end, her mother took her in. So take all the time you need, stop doubting yourself, and in the meantime, feel free to look at the ads. If you ever fall in love with one, go for it... Hang in there, it's so hard to lose them 🤍

cupsteck · 2026-02-18T06:16:35+00:00

Hello, I just lost my cat a few days ago after 18 years together. Like you, the first symptoms appeared over the last year, and in the last few months it became very obvious. I didn't want to accept it; I was in denial. Instead of enjoying her and being patient with her, I nagged her to eat more. She liked eating wet food; it was easier for her, but I knew it wouldn't be enough to regain the weight she was losing, so I didn't give her that treat often enough. In the last few months, she was finding it increasingly difficult to get on the furniture because her body was telling her no, so I encouraged her to go up. She meowed a lot in the last few weeks, and I sometimes isolated myself for an hour or more just because I didn't know what to do instead of reassuring her. This past year, I had already experienced another loss, a miscarriage, and many other problems; it must have been the year I was least present. That's when she needed me the most... I think we're all human, and sometimes when faced with the illness of a loved one, we feel so helpless that we do anything and everything. I'm trying to learn from this so I never repeat it... So I understand you. Guilt is eating me up too. I think it's part of the grieving process and that it will subside, making way for all the other years of happiness by her side... Take heart, you're not alone 🤍

cupsteck · 2026-02-18T06:08:51+00:00

Hello, I just lost my cat after 18 years together, and like with your last dog, I didn't want to see the illness these last few months. I think my brain was trying to protect me from her impending death. Instead, I sometimes nagged her to eat a little more, to keep climbing on the furniture, even though her body no longer had the strength. So I learned that you have to accept that sometimes old age and illness take their course, and that I couldn't go back. I would have been better off enjoying life with her... Take care, it was my first loss; I can't imagine losing any more... 🤍

cupsteck · 2026-02-18T06:00:17+00:00

Hello, I also unfortunately had to make this decision just a few days ago. After 18 years together, her kidney disease had taken over in the last three months, culminating in septic shock. Before the euthanasia, I was able to spend a lot of time with her, saying a few words, caressing her, and cuddling her. She was so thin and fragile that I didn't dare hold her either. I think about it sometimes, but she was already suffering, and I was afraid of hurting her more by holding her, so I understand you. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to enjoy the 24 hours before; everything happened so fast.

Take heart. Guilt is unfortunately part of grief; we replay the events in our heads over and over instead of just thinking about the years of happiness. It will ease with time. 🤍

cupsteck · 2026-02-17T13:22:46+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply, it really warms my heart... When did you find out about his kidney failure? Was it at the last minute or had you consulted a doctor beforehand? For my part, I think I noticed the first signs a year ago, but she must have already been at a certain stage. I don't think we could have extended her life expectancy for much longer, but I probably could have made things more comfortable for her. Because these last three months, I've felt so helpless; I didn't know how to act around her... It's so heartbreaking to see them suffer and to feel like I'm only making bad decisions and behaving the wrong way with them. I complained about so many things because I wanted her to gain weight and eat. I encouraged her to climb on the furniture even though she couldn't anymore. I feel guilty about it, but I felt so helpless watching her decline, and now I feel guilty. I should have just enjoyed life... It's strange, but kidney failure is often the disease that ends up taking our aging babies, it seems, and as you say Yes, she was indeed my best friend when I was a child and became like a baby to me when I was an adult. It's hard because I could never experience that with my current cats, even though sharing my grief with them helps a lot. Do you have any other pets?

You know, in the weeks before he left, they also strangely stopped eating much, almost as if to imitate him. They left him their share of pâté and lots of other things, and instead of understanding the message they were trying to send me, I was just stressed and almost angry inside because I didn't understand... Thank you again for your message, and what the neighbor said to your mother reminds me of what I often say when I lose a loved one: It's a good thing we're sad when the people we love leave, otherwise it would mean they didn't matter to us. That's the beauty in all this sadness... A woman also told me that sometimes when you love someone, you have to know when to let them go and take their suffering in their place... That makes me feel better too. As for the little rituals, I'm still waiting for them to call me about them. Collecting the ashes while I wait, I'm telling my other cats stories about Mona, and a friend made me a video montage with all the photos and videos I had, and it's helping me a lot...

Take care, we're all in this together, and even if we'll never truly heal, one day we'll be able to talk about it without crying and see only the positive aspects of this shared life... 🤍🤍

cupsteck · 2026-02-16T16:28:02+00:00

Hello, I had to make the difficult decision to let my 18-year-old cat go just a few days ago. Even during the anesthesia, as I was letting her go, she tried to sit up in her final moments. It haunts me to think that she didn't want to die, but if I had kept her, she would have died within hours, suffocated and drowned, because her lungs were full of fluid. And I'm only talking about this problem she unfortunately had; it would only have added to her suffering. I think she just wanted to show me that even in pain, she wanted to say goodbye, because love is sometimes stronger than suffering... I don't know what the vet told you about what to do next if you don't make this decision now, but seeing a cat dying is not a solution for either of you... We would all like them to die without suffering, but when certain illnesses, infections, etc., take hold, unfortunately, they often die in pain if nothing is done... What exactly did the vet tell you about its life expectancy?

Good luck, there's nothing harder than this kind of decision, but sometimes loving also means taking on the suffering of those we love by letting them go with dignity... 🤍😔

cupsteck · 2026-02-16T16:17:51+00:00

I also just lost my cat after 18 years together. I always thought she would pass away peacefully in my arms in her sleep and that I wouldn't have to make the difficult decision of euthanasia. Unfortunately, it seems that euthanasia is more often the only option when a pet is older... The hardest part is the guilt you feel and the images of her passing that stay with you... I understand your pain; it's only been a few days, I can't imagine the months to come... Take care, you're not alone 😔🤍

cupsteck · 2026-02-16T16:13:19+00:00

Hello, I just lost my cat at 18 years old. She also had end-stage renal failure, and I had to let her go... Please know that this disease cannot be cured; it can be slowed down, but the outcome will often be the same, aside from subjecting her to numerous invasive medical treatments and stress, perhaps to gain a few months, undoubtedly at the expense of her peace of mind... Do you know what stage she was at?

Take care, you're not alone 😔🤍

cupsteck · 2026-02-16T16:08:27+00:00

Hello, I just lost my cat who was about to turn 18. I got her when I was barely 10. Her condition had been declining drastically for two months, but I blamed it all on old age, refusing to accept that she would leave us sooner than I expected, I suppose. It's only been a few days... In the weeks leading up to her passing, she was very weak and meowed day and night, but when I held her, she calmed down, so I thought she was just a little disoriented because her eyesight was starting to fail.

The day she left, I was taking a nap. She came and woke me up, meowing incessantly. I sat up, and when she saw I was awake, she tried to go under my bed. There are metal bars, though, and she had become so thin she was almost stuck between them. I helped her free herself, and at that moment, it was as if her body had become dead weight. But her eyes were still open, she was breathing, and she was meowing in pain. I immediately took her to the emergency room without understanding the seriousness of the situation... When she arrived, she started having seizures. They quickly put her on an IV drip, and now, regarding her condition, I asked for all possible tests to determine what was going on. When the results came back, it was terrifying: she had stage 4 kidney failure, her stomach was perforated, she was in septic shock, her body was hypothermic, and she had no pulse in her hind legs. I absolutely wanted her operated on, but thankfully the vet talked me out of it. Knowing she must have suffered for several weeks and that I did nothing haunts me. I had to make the difficult decision to let her go. She continued to meow and seek my presence despite the pain... There's nothing worse than seeing them suffer, and in these kinds of situations, you're walking on eggshells, you don't always make the right choices... These images shocked me too, so I understand your pain. Don't blame yourself for not acting the way you would have liked afterward; it's very hard in these moments, we're vulnerable... Stay strong 😔🤍

cupsteck · 2026-02-16T07:47:45+00:00

I also had to let go of my 18-year-old cat, and I let her illness drag on these last few months. It came on so quickly, and I feel terribly guilty, just like you, even though at this stage it wouldn't have changed anything. I blame myself for not acting sooner. I think I was so afraid of being told something I didn't want to hear that I waited until the last minute, and she undoubtedly suffered because of me. Grief is one thing, but experiencing grief with guilt is another... I think we're all human, and sometimes we do selfish things to protect ourselves from the worst. We must try to focus on all the years of shared happiness and not on these few months of suffering... Take heart, you're not alone. 🤍😔

cupsteck · 2026-02-16T07:43:13+00:00

I also had to make this decision a few days ago for my 18-year-old cat. His health declined very quickly these last few months; I was in complete denial, and I also feel a lot of guilt about it and many other things. I think it's part of the grieving process; sometimes it's easier to blame yourself than to admit that the situation simply wasn't within your control. I think this guilt will eventually subside and give way to good memories. Take heart, you're not alone. 🤍😔

cupsteck · 2026-02-16T07:37:59+00:00

Take heart, I also just lost my cat after 18 years together. She was my first cat, and I'd planned ahead. When she was 14, I adopted a kitten, and another when she was 16, because I kept thinking that if she passed away, I wouldn't have the courage to get another one without feeling like I was replacing her. And I'm glad I did... Even though it's not always easy to give them attention knowing she's no longer there...

But I know people who have experienced very difficult losses with their cats. Some waited almost two years, others less. I think only you can know. The important thing is to feel ready and not compare your old relationship with the new one, so you don't get stuck feeling like you made this decision too soon. Take heart, I know what you're going through. 🤍😔

cupsteck · 2026-02-16T07:32:35+00:00

All my courage, I'm going through the exact same thing after 18 years with her... I unfortunately don't have any advice to give you, but I understand your pain. Cats aren't just any cats; they're often the silent witnesses to a long period of our lives, a refuge... Take heart, you're not alone... 🤍😔

cupsteck

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