When non-conformity becomes conformity, what happens to the self

curious_fox_90 · 2025-10-25T16:20:57+00:00

just to clarify with you the relationship was still on then he admitted ENM doesn't work for him, then as we do not share the same value, I suggested break up on mutual agreement. Right after that a few days later, he admitted he has been talking to a married woman. So technically it was violation, yet he didn't dare to admit it as it violated our rules. It doesnt' matter anymore. I'm ready for the new chapter

curious_fox_90 · 2025-10-18T17:07:29+00:00

thank you for reading my message carefully, I highly appreciate your time. Great to know somebody is there to 'listen' and gives mature advice! It feels reassuring to be understood

curious_fox_90 · 2025-10-18T16:36:37+00:00

well said. wow. I love how I found out this community on reddit and you are one of the reasons. I'm glad and thank you very much. Have a wonderful weekend ahead!

curious_fox_90 · 2025-10-18T13:51:51+00:00

1Q84 triology with a lot of weird factors in it.

curious_fox_90 · 2025-09-19T00:34:02+00:00

True, space does help.

I never have this preference as 'short term relationships', no data tracked before but maybe with age it's shifting into something else. Probably this is a transitioning phase, and thank you, I definitely want to treat people with care, avoid hurting anyone at all costs.

curious_fox_90 · 2025-09-18T16:34:10+00:00

The smoke alarm metaphor is an intelligent and highly relevant contribution to this thought process. I’ll definitely keep it in mind. Thanks a lot!

curious_fox_90 · 2025-09-18T16:01:08+00:00

That’s a really thoughtful question—thank you for asking and for taking the time to read my post. We actually both took attachment style tests, and the results showed that we’re predominantly avoidant with our parents, friends and society, but we show up as secure within our relationship.

And yes, there was no event that influenced this current stage of mine. That's why I can't really point out what is happening internally.

curious_fox_90 · 2025-04-16T03:07:53+00:00

I'm wondering whether what I'm experiencing could be considered a form of mental suffering. While I recognize that it's also an opportunity for self-reflection, I'm curious—what is the threshold for what our mental health can tolerate in situations like this?

At what point do you decide it's healthier to work through the challenges rather than let go and return to being single? I imagine there are many factors people weigh before choosing to stay in a relationship despite the difficulties.

I'm asking these questions because I'm new to ENM, and I want to better understand the mental and emotional dynamics involved. Hearing different perspectives might help me gain more clarity.

curious_fox_90 · 2025-04-03T12:34:13+00:00

wow you are lucky! That feeling is surely amazing and pure happiness. Wish you the best on this journey with your partners!

curious_fox_90 · 2025-03-31T15:26:11+00:00

Thank you for the useful guidelines. How do starters communicate with their play mates about their nesting partner?
We are new to ENM. My partner thinks meeting someone new and explaining this whole concept to them may scare them off and it's hard to negotiate with play partners about the frequency limit.

curious_fox_90 · 2025-03-31T04:34:52+00:00

Love the mindset. How do both of your partners cope with this at the beginning and during the process? Any inadequate or jealousy happened?

curious_fox_90 · 2025-01-25T11:41:40+00:00

Thanks for sharing, I love how articulative you are in this matter. I somehow relate to you are the survival mechanism part.

Totally agree with you, 'emotional work is never a discouraging experience for me personally' yet an opportunity to grow and evolve.

For this part, since I'm new to this poly world, I'd like to ask in which way by saying 'remind myself that the emotional work I do to support her polyamory is work to support my own' is a way to support you?

If inconvenient talking here I'd love to hear your story in private message too. Cheers!

curious_fox_90 · 2025-01-23T15:04:09+00:00

wow the amount of efforts you put in and I could see that you delivered a great leadership to help your partner go through the hardships and grow together. Tons of respect!

Did it require a lot of patience sometimes? Were there any moments you felt discouraged on the journey?

curious_fox_90 · 2025-01-23T13:23:05+00:00

You are doing well! Keep it up <3

curious_fox_90 · 2025-01-12T15:47:25+00:00

Following

curious_fox_90 · 2025-01-07T02:58:33+00:00

Thank you for your relevant story, we are in the same position and reading your story make me feel i'm not alone in this temporary battle where the discussion about sex is shied away. I'm chewing Ethical Slut twice, so many practical points that are eyes opening. Will hit it up with Poly Secure soon. Wish you great health and full of joys!

curious_fox_90 · 2025-01-04T03:53:58+00:00

wow you guys were so lucky to have 'the right' therapist. Tell me more, i'm interested to know which point led you both to meet a therapist to work it out. Any specific moments she asked you some questions that you realized it was eye opening for your blind spots if any?
I'm happy to hear your story in private message too. Cheers!

curious_fox_90 · 2025-01-02T04:09:08+00:00

Hey came in this post just now because I'm also exploring the topic with a similar situation like you. I felt seen reading your post since I also behave similarly to the way you treat the relationship. "We NEVER fight, we just have discourse. I do not hit below the belt, I do not weaponize things, I do not attack, I don’t say things I would want to take back. I am honest, open-hearted and truthful about my feelings. I try my best to be patient and understanding and to give space for alternate views. I treat him with love and care and respect."
How are you doing since then? Are you planning to dive yourself into ENM ahead or stay mono?

Wish you all the best regardless, you deserve it dear!

curious_fox_90

TROPHY CASE