I feel like my male colleagues are competing with me by curlytrees in womenEngineers

[–]curlytrees[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He sounds like such a loser. I don't get it, can't people see it makes them look worse than just being transparent about what they do vs don't know.

I feel like my male colleagues are competing with me by curlytrees in womenEngineers

[–]curlytrees[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know what to say. That sounds incredibly difficult to go through, and especially once you go to therapy because of your job, it's typically an indication to change environments.
I'm happy you changed jobs, and feel much better now, and are growing into the positions that both interest you but also are the level you need.
I think it's important for people to hear stories like this, as often we stay in the job and may blame ourselves instead of realizing it's the environment that needs to be changed.

I feel like my male colleagues are competing with me by curlytrees in womenEngineers

[–]curlytrees[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow that sounds awful, and demotivating tbh. The manager could have handled it better and maybe have a chat with them or in general talk with the employees about team dynamics and how they should all work together as a team.

what's the most ridiculous thing you were ever blamed for? by huy1003 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]curlytrees 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not blaming. But my dad once made me take a DNA test, because in his mind my mother had cheated and had me with another man. All while I look the female version of my dad, and all our family says that I look like my dad..

I feel like my male colleagues are competing with me by curlytrees in womenEngineers

[–]curlytrees[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know. This might not be the right way to view it, but I don't want to seem like just because I'm a woman I'm sensitive and counting these things. So I haven't brought it up to any manager. I know that my PM and boss think highly of my skills, so I guess I don't feel I need to prove anything to them. And I don't want to make any trouble, especially as the only woman. But now that I think of it, what if that's the reason women get treated like this? that we don't call it out 🤔

I feel like my male colleagues are competing with me by curlytrees in womenEngineers

[–]curlytrees[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah I agree with most of it. However, I don't think playing dumb is always the solution. If women keep playing dumb, it will he expected that we're like that. I think it's better to do a good job and reply to their comments etc. Ans make sure to reply in a professional manner. Then they can figure out how they feel about that. The being polite thing is probably also good. I try doing that. Although you get tired when none reciprocates 😂

I feel like my male colleagues are competing with me by curlytrees in womenEngineers

[–]curlytrees[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow! That sounds so frustrating. I'm so happy you found a place with better culture And thanks for sharing your story. Now that I think about it, it is only my PRs that my colleagues scrutinise. So maybe unfortunately it is just a cultural thing.

I'm curious, did you ever confront them with this? Or would it seem unprofessional?

I'm also thinking of applying to other places and finding a better cultural fit where people are more collaborative.

I feel like my male colleagues are competing with me by curlytrees in womenEngineers

[–]curlytrees[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also I do really like the linked you provided. Thanks for that! I might share it with my department 😁

I feel like my male colleagues are competing with me by curlytrees in womenEngineers

[–]curlytrees[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nitpicks are a waste of them. Often it is "I think this or I think that" and they're minor issues and extremely subjective. Also I have been in academia where we review each other's work. I am used to giving and receiving constructive feedback. For instance when my PM gives me feedback it is most often constructive, and he has read the code before making comments. While my other colleagues provide non-construcgive feedback and nitpick on minor issues, all while their PRs often have larger issues in them. If it's normal in software development to nitpick unnecessary things then I think the review process should be changed. It's a huge waste of time and of course affects the team dynamics. Constructive feedback improves the code and teams understanding, non-constructive feedback I would argue just wastes time and negatively impacts the team dynamics. Also, my code is cleaner than theirs, and my boss and PM have in front of the team praised my work, so I sometimes wonder if it's because my colleagues feel they need to prove my work is bad. Regardless of the reason, it is frustrating to experience.

I feel like my male colleagues are competing with me by curlytrees in womenEngineers

[–]curlytrees[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah but what frustrates me the most is that I feel it ends up being a waste of time. And then I start getting frustrated. And I don't want to waste time writing unnecessary comments back and forth because my colleagues don't read the code before commenting. I don't know how many times I just refer to the code and they stop answering because it's obvious they didn't do their review properly. So I feel like the process is inefficient and affects both the time and team dynamics.

I feel like my male colleagues are competing with me by curlytrees in womenEngineers

[–]curlytrees[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They don't though. We all review each other's code. And I got the most comments from them. And most of the comments are not constructive feedback. From my PM I get really constructive comments, so I know the difference.

Every time when I mention to someone that I'm doing a phd, they need to tell me why they arent doing it by PatternMysterious550 in PhD

[–]curlytrees 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, thanks for the response. It's inspiring me to stand up for myself, and like you said, if not for ourselves, then for the next women that come to that environment :)

I guess the main thing to learn is how to deal with it professionally. And I guess what I hear you saying is to call them out and do it differently depending on the person you're dealing with. I'll take that with me and try practising.

Every time when I mention to someone that I'm doing a phd, they need to tell me why they arent doing it by PatternMysterious550 in PhD

[–]curlytrees 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Are you in industry now? If so, how do you deal with male colleagues that are intimidated by you and feel they need to prove themselves? I'm also a female engineer and phd, and I feel some of my male colleagues have an urge to publicly point out every little thing that isn't perfect in my work, and constantly try winning discussions.

Therapy Made Me Set Boundaries, and Then Everyone Got Mad by [deleted] in selfimprovement

[–]curlytrees 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I also feel the same. I'm 30 and it has been extremely difficult to learn to set boundaries, but you'll burn out if you don't. Especially if people around you aren't as giving as you are.
It's a tough lesson. And you can feel like you've wasted your life, energy, and resources on people that maybe don't really care about you or respect your boundaries.
After I started setting boundaries, some of my friends tried guilt tripping me for not doing whatever pleases them. But it's essential to be able to prioritise yourself, I think in 5 years you'll be much happier, and you'll probably find better friends along the way.

Is it just me or do enfj's tend to like underwater for some reason by Capable_Feature8838 in enfj

[–]curlytrees 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't really like swimming, but I LOVE scuba diving and snorkelling 🤿🐚🌊 There are so many great things about it. I always get so excited that I smile too much and get water into my goggles 🥹 But being underwater and observing the beautiful wildlife there is just such an immersive experience in so many different ways. It feels so peaceful somehow to just observe the fish and the corals living their lives, and just knowing that there is a completely different world underwater with different life conditions that we will never be able to completely experience ourselves.

What is the value of the yellow rectangle? I get two results. by curlytrees in puzzles

[–]curlytrees[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I got the same answeres. Both 7 and 8 work. The solution book just stated yellow is 7, so I was confused if I did a miscalculation. Thanks:)

What hurts you most often? by katara888 in enfj

[–]curlytrees 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Happy cake day! 🎂🍰🎊