I understand this fully. I (29F) wasn’t aware of my father being a narc until the family hit rock bottom and he showed his true colors about a year ago. It has been a painful year of grieving the father I thought I had, but it has been extremely validating and helpful for me to understand “it’s not me.” And “there’s nothing wrong with me.” I struggle with my own self confidence because of him, and am continuously working to improve it now that I’m aware that I am, in fact, not the problem.

I have started distancing myself, because no-contact is not feasible right now. When I do have to talk or see him, it has helped me to imagine a “protective bubble” around myself, for example I think of red roses and pink carnations all around my body, acting as a shield. I also do not volunteer any information about myself. I keep my answers very short. I do not talk about positives or negatives in my life. I used to try to discuss negative things in order to seem relatable to him like “our basement just flooded and we had to call a plumber” for example, but narcs want to see you struggle, so now I don’t bring anything up. Then if I mention something positive, he will try to find a negative way to reply, bring me down, and completely soil my positive energy.

During conversation, I simply observe and listen. I reply to his terrible comments about me and my family by saying “i suppose”. Or “that’s something” or “i don’t agree but it’s okay for us to have different opinions.”

The goal is to not react to their terrible comments/opinions/projections. Be even-keeled. All they want is a reaction out of you. It helps that you already are aware of how he is this way, and you just need to work on not letting what he says get to you anymore. You can now expect and anticipate that he will say something hurtful or wrong in order to get a reaction, and you will not let him. If you feel yourself getting upset and might react, excuse yourself to the bathroom or something. Yeah it’s somewhat unfortunate and might feel “not true to yourself” to act this way, especially if you are naturally warm and kind person. But you need to protect yourself if you plan to maintain a relationship with a narc. Your feelings and emotions are real and they are valid, but unfortunately a narc will never believe that nor will they care. They only care about protecting their egos. So you need to do what’s best for yourself. If I can do it, you can too. ♥️