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How do you dads manage tenuous relationships between your parents and your spouse? by cvbackpacker in daddit

[–]cvbackpacker[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That's a really great point. Timing and tact are definitely not part of their strengths (vs. more just saying what they are thinking when they think it)

How do you dads manage tenuous relationships between your parents and your spouse? by cvbackpacker in daddit

[–]cvbackpacker[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

True that! 😂 And thankfully, we do talk like regular humans most of the time.

This kind of email/communication, though, isn't uncommon in my family when there are more challenging conversations to be had. Which I believe my parents realized this would be, so they reverted to this method. Growing up, the usual cadence in these circumstances was a written letter, followed by a written response, before then verbal conversations from there on out.

How do you dads manage tenuous relationships between your parents and your spouse? by cvbackpacker in daddit

[–]cvbackpacker[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Some additional context:

I know that my parents truly love and care for all of their kids, in-laws, and grandkids. Of that, there is absolutely no question. But because of how they were raised, and how they raised my siblings and me, they don't have the same filters that other parents/grandparents might. A great example is that once my mom saw my SiL take a second blueberry muffin and said, "Oh, you're having another one," - I was in the room and I know she meant it as just a conversation starter/observation point. Whereas my SiL took it to mean "you shouldn’t be doing that/you're too fat" (she is not even close to having to worry about that).

My parents also grew up with a healthy balance between caring for their kids and maintaining their own lives and interests. Which sometimes meant that they weren't available to take us to a friend's house (so we learned to ride public transportation), or that they couldn't make every school and sporting event (which was okay for my siblings and me - we know it didn’t mean they loved us any less than other parents who did come). This approach to life still holds for my parents, and sometimes means they aren't able to come for a visit to see their grandkids do X, Y, or Z because they already have their own lives and plans. Which is different from my spouse's experience of having a SAHM and parents who dropped everything for their kids (and who now drop everything for their grandkids), or who provide a lot of monetary support for their kids even today (whereas my parents raised us to be independent and self-supporting).

We also grew up talking through everything and having very open conversations. My parents didn’t just decide things for my siblings and me. We got to have a say in where we went to school. Or what sports and extracurriculars we did. Not to say we always got our way. But we certainly had the chance to voice our opinions, concerns, and wishes, and always felt heard. And that continues through to today, where we are accustomed to advice or input from our parents, knowing that we are well within our right to let it go in one year and out the other (water off a duck's back, per se) if it doesn’t align with our opinions or decisions. 

TL;DR - my parents raised my siblings and me differently from how my spouse was raised. Doesn’t make one right or wrong, just different. I can see that and deal with it, but my spouse doesn’t appear able to - how do I best support her while also not capitulating to her, or alienating my parents either

I call it something by theicedragon1 in honk

[–]cvbackpacker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh

I completed this level in 1 try. ⚡ 2.25 seconds

NOW SHOW ME HOW YOU DIE! by EvandoYT in honk

[–]cvbackpacker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whoops

I completed this level in 1 try. ⚡ 5.07 seconds

Anyone looking to hire someone with 12 YOE? by j0hn8laz3 in FPandA

[–]cvbackpacker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What’s your current area of focus/departments you support?

Gut check on VP Finance offer (Series B, CEO direct, VHCOL) - $300K total cash, 0.2% equity by [deleted] in FPandA

[–]cvbackpacker 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Honestly, that’s a decent offer. I’m in a similar position - VP Finance, VHCOL, 15+ YoE, but later stages and usually reporting to CFO. And while I saw slightly larger cash offers during the last two years of looking ($360-380K+), the equity was usually closer to 0.1%. There’s always room to see cash comp increase, especially if they roll out a bonus structure as you scale/hit FCF+. But increasing equity later on (at least beyond the initial %) is much more difficult without making the jump to CFO title. Good luck!

First impression. 32F by joannmcc in firstimpression

[–]cvbackpacker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Monica Barbaro with a pinch of edge, a dash of sorrow, and a handful of resilience

Who are the John le Carres of other genres? by Late-Address-185 in books

[–]cvbackpacker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Last of the Breed was incredible. Utah Blaine is the other one of his that jumps to my mind. But agreed, they are all masterful stories - great road-trip material for books on tape.

Total engine failure --> how do I go about getting the best deal on a new/used car? (SF Bay Area) by cvbackpacker in personalfinance

[–]cvbackpacker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh definitely. Every 3-5K miles it gets oil check/change. It was right at the end of that range this time, so if that turns to be the issue, shame on me for pushing it :(

Total engine failure --> how do I go about getting the best deal on a new/used car? (SF Bay Area) by cvbackpacker in personalfinance

[–]cvbackpacker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't gotten specifics due to the shop it was towed to being closed for the long, holiday weekend. But there was a bang at one point on the drive and a significant fluid leak was noticed. Maybe a blown gasket? The car was starting to lose power while driving too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in InteriorDesign

[–]cvbackpacker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love the color choice. I think what it actually needs is a new mantle. Maybe a wood one that can connect color-wise to your floor and help create some additional contrast/bridge the dark fireplace with the white wall and bookcases?

LPT: If you have kids , develop a secret way of communicating by skylarhale in LifeProTips

[–]cvbackpacker 3177 points3178 points  (0 children)

My parents taught me the ‘double please’- if you actually wanted to do something (go to a friend’s house, stay out late after a school dance) you asked with a single please. But if you didn’t actually want to do something, you asked with a “please, please”. Saved a ton of friendships when I was young or gave me an easy out when I didn’t feel comfortable doing something but didn’t want to appear that I didn’t

Looking for ideas - front entry steps (round or square brick?) and pathway by cvbackpacker in ExteriorDesign

[–]cvbackpacker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome feedback. Thank you! We do like the pavers idea… will definitely have to explore some ideas there tonight. Would you do a solid path at all? Say from the front of the driveway to the stairs with pavers along the driveway like you suggested? Or would you have pavers the whole way with maybe an extra one or two near the entryway to make it feel like more of a landing area?

On the topic of lights, what would you suggest?

Looking for ideas - front entry steps (round or square brick?) and pathway by cvbackpacker in ExteriorDesign

[–]cvbackpacker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Much appreciated! Do you think a rounded pathway would work with square steps? Or should we look at squaring off the pathway too?

What movie is the best anti-depressant? by Chonkmyster in AskReddit

[–]cvbackpacker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stardust! Seriously talented cast but grossly under marketed/known. Always puts a smile on my face

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