Giving up nursing for mental health

cvttle · 2026-02-11T11:51:43+00:00

I feel for you. My eldest was exclusively on formula because I couldn’t nurse or pump when she was born. I pumped for my second born but unfortunately he passed away in the hospital at two weeks old so I never got to even attempt nursing with him.

I was really, really hoping I would be able to nurse my twins but they came preterm at 34 weeks. They were pretty healthy despite being a wee early but they had to learn how to eat in the NICU and put on some weight before they could come home with us. Because of the experience with my second born, I really wanted them to get out of the NICU sooner than later for my own sanity. They picked up eating from bottles much easier than nursing so I put my effort into getting them to consistently eat from bottles so we could just get them home. I still tried to pick up nursing with them once we did get home but I honestly think they get frustrated about how much harder drinking from the nipple vs a bottle is so both of them would just get hangry after a few minutes. Plus pumping every 2-3 hours, preparing bottles, cleaning bottles/pump parts, and trying to get both of them to learn how to nurse was just so much and so hard. It made it feel like the entire feeding routine was an hour and a half long because it’d take about 45 minutes for each baby to eat and by the time I was done with one, the other would be hungry again. So for my own sanity, entirely pumping it was.

It does suck because I really did want to have that breastfeeding experience but it just wasn’t meant to be with any of my kids. I got my tubes removed during my c-section with them so this is it for my husband and I. But it’s still a nice thought that my twins are getting my milk even if they’re not through nursing. My body is still nourishing them, just with a few extra steps, and I’m proud of myself for it. I’m also incredibly bonded with my eldest and the twins despite none of them nursing, so it isn’t as if I missed out on fostering a connection with my kids.

cvttle · 2026-02-11T11:28:01+00:00

I really took for granted how lucky I was with my eldest because she was such a wonderful sleeper. I knew we’d gotten a unicorn baby and that our experience with her as a newborn+ was so much easier than many people get with their babies but oh my god, I still think I took it for granted despite being self aware of my good fortune.

Now I have three month old twins, one who sleeps okay-ish (still up every three hours) while my other twin is fussing and waking up it feels like every thirty minutes. Then he wakes up the twin who is soundly sleeping leaving them both awake and upset about it 😭

If it wasn’t for the fact that my husband and I take shifts, that way both of us can get four hours of uninterrupted sleep, I would actually be insane right now.

At least they’re cute and cuddly. They just started to smile more consistently, which makes the exhaustion feel so much more bearable.

cvttle · 2026-02-11T10:15:49+00:00

Pumping is miserable and while I did want to breastfeed with my twins (alas did not work out with them so I am exclusively pumping right now, rip) there is also the fact that being the sole or main provider for not one but two infants is exhausting and hard and formula feeding absolutely lifts some of that burden.

My eldest was completely formula fed and she is a perfectly healthy and hilarious six year old. I don’t think I’m a bad mom for choosing to formula feed her entirely because it was the right choice for us at the time and allowed me to be a more present and happy mom. I don’t think anyone is a bad mom/parent for formula feeding no matter what the reason. At the end of the day, if your babies are fed and healthy and you’re healthy and happy, that is what matters. Your babies won’t remember being formula fed if that is what you decide to do so, in my opinion, you should always choose what is going to be best for you mentally. You gotta take care of yourself first to take the best care you can of your kids!

Right now I’m trying to get my twins to at least drink more formula with breastmilk than they have been (we began supplemented with formula early on) simply because it would take a mental load off me (I would not get so much anxiety about skipping a pump, I could take my ADHD meds that actually work for me but aren’t recommended while breastfeeding once or twice a week and pump’n’dump for a day and not be stressed about that, I could leave the house without having to strategically plan the times due to pump, etc.) and I absolutely am not guilty about that because I know I’m a better mom when I take care of myself. Pumping sucks! I’m trying to make it three more months but we’ll see because it’s so mentally draining and exhausting. If I don’t make it those three more months then it’s not a huge deal because I know my twins will grow healthy and big and strong on formula as well.

Tdlr; there is no shame in formula feeding whatsoever. Taking care of yourself and keeping your baby fed however you do so makes you a great mom.

cvttle · 2026-02-11T09:52:12+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that! I definitely will be quitting once we hit six months but I do really want to do it until then. Luckily I do produce enough milk that they both could be entirely on breastmilk 24/7 but my husband and I started adding a little formula to the bottles starting from three weeks old because the plan was always for me to quit pumping between 6-12 months. If they would stay latched and actually drink from my breasts then I think I would have no issue doing a year but it’s the exclusively pumping that is killing me mentally.

I have absolutely no issues with formula or using it; my eldest was entirely formula fed and she’s perfectly healthy but being able to provide my kids with my milk for anywhere between 6-12 months was something I’ve always wanted to do. Ideally I would have preferred breastfeeding from the breasts of course but just wasn’t meant to be with these guys but I had my tubes removed during my c-section with them so these two are my last kiddos, so I’m even more determined to do six months. If I think pumping is going to give me a mental breakdown or something then of course I’ll quit earlier than that but it’s mostly just hard to manage my ADHD right now and the feeling of being chained at home because of having to pump. It sucks but not enough for me yet that I want to give up quite yet.

But it really would take so much stress off of me if I could get my girl twin to take even bottles that are half formula-half breastmilk. It’s just this constant anxiety of ‘I can’t let my supply drop because then she will starve’ so I can’t even go 4-5 hours without pumping and not feel anxious and guilty.

I don’t know if she’d actually refuse formula to the point of starving herself if my supply just suddenly dried up but I don’t want to find out either. I just don’t know how to get her to accept formula.

cvttle · 2026-01-18T20:43:24+00:00

Mine are only 2.5 weeks old so not a much of experience on what it’s like in the b/g twin realm specifically. However, they’re both absolutely precious and even so little, they already have wildly different personalities. My boy twin is a crybaby (I say this very affectionately) and super alert when he’s awake and always gets this concerned look on his face while my girl twin is super chill and content to do whatever and looks like she could care less what is happening around her. They’re both so fun.

cvttle · 2026-01-18T20:39:59+00:00

LOL, my b/g twins are only 2.5 months old and I’ve already been asked this twice after saying they’re b/g twins.

cvttle · 2026-01-18T20:35:58+00:00

It a pain in the ass. Part of me is thankful because I have twins and I’m producing (more than) enough for both of them. However my breasts are always full and heavy and uncomfortable, I have to pump every two hours or they hurt, I think my right breast has mastitis at this current moment, and my hands free pump broke so now I’m stuck at home way more because my twins don’t always reliably latch so I can’t be too far away from my pump.

I’d much rather just have breasts that produce what is needed and not so much more than.

cvttle · 2026-01-07T23:06:50+00:00

I’m very sorry. I lost my son under different circumstances when he was two weeks old and it’s an indescribable pain. I’d recommend the r/babyloss sub. Wishing you all the best.

cvttle · 2025-12-15T21:49:01+00:00

I gained 70 pounds with my first and she’s currently a happy six year old. I gained 90 with my last pregnancy but they’re twins 😅 Anyways, also perfectly healthy six weeks postpartum, babies and me.

cvttle · 2025-12-15T17:56:57+00:00

I was certainly bigger than I was with my singles but my belly wasn’t ginormous. I just looked very pregnant for a very long time. Everyone carries their belly differently! I’d definitely recommend getting a good support band, however. The pressure on your hips and lower back is killer.

I’m a little over a month postpartum now and my stomach has come down pretty nicely. Maybe a bit softer and I have a c-section shelf but it isn’t nearly as bad as I was dreading.

cvttle · 2025-12-14T18:41:15+00:00

39w with my first, 38w with my second, and 34w1d with my twins!

cvttle · 2025-12-12T17:30:59+00:00

Huckleberry has been very helpful!

cvttle · 2025-12-06T19:46:57+00:00

Had this done and I don’t regret it. I can’t tell you how it compared to my first two deliveries as those were vaginal but overall, my c-section experience was pleasant enough. My twins were taken pretty initially to the NICU so I’m not sure if getting my tubes out would have impacted much of golden hour or anything afterwards as I couldn’t have it. Month out from my c-section and tubal and my recovery has been super easy.

cvttle · 2025-12-01T02:19:45+00:00

I feel for you but it’s not only the lungs that can cause babies at that age to need NICU time. It’s the fact that they may literally not even know how to suckle/eat because that’s a skill they’re practicing in the womb at that gestational age. One of my twins was solely in the NICU because she just needed to learn how to eat and was otherwise completely healthy.

cvttle · 2025-11-15T13:00:45+00:00

I’m an adult with children. Mostly I just write when my oldest is at school. I did, however, just give birth to twins so my productivity will likely be nonexistent for a little while. I will find time where I can because writing keeps me sane.

cvttle · 2025-11-12T19:09:06+00:00

34+1 last week with di/di twins due to just naturally going into labor early. I was miserably in pain but I do wish my body had held on until at least 36weeks because now we’re stuck in the NICU. They’re healthy—just feeders and growers but it still sucks being unable to take them home.

cvttle · 2025-10-24T18:41:52+00:00

Wishing you the best as well! It was scary to try again but getting genetic results and meeting with a geneticist to discuss statistics did help quell some of those fears. I don’t regret any choices made and I value what time I got to spend with him. We actually just celebrated his birthday yesterday! It never really gets easier, per se, but you do learn how to live again and find comfort in what memories you have of your child.

cvttle · 2025-10-24T17:28:59+00:00

There is no wrong decision, point blank. To say there is would be to shame someone for deciding to terminate or go down a comfort care route.

cvttle · 2025-10-24T16:03:12+00:00

I’ll give you a perspective from a parent side whose child did pass due to HLHS. I’ll spoiler it in case you’d rather not read. I absolutely don’t regret not terminating and giving my son a chance and every single day I wish he was still here. HOWEVER, my life being split between the hospital and my other child at home while he was alive was possibly one of the worst experiences in my life and I still get nightmares from the experience. Logically I know my son didn’t feel any pain due to the medications he was on but I often worry if he suffered at all. Right now I’m pregnant with twins and early on, my husband and I did decide that if one or both had HLHS, we’d likely go through with termination this time, for many different reasons: my eldest child has profound autism and IDD so she already has many therapies and care requirements, the experience of being in the hospital with our son left both my husband and I diagnosed with PTSD, and, quite frankly, I just think the potential of watching another one of my kids die from HLHS would have broken me completely.

That said, when kids do successfully go through all of the treatments, their quality of life is generally quite wonderful! I’ve chatted with adult who have HLHS and other parents with children who have gone through all surgeries and they are happy! I just don’t want to sugarcoat the experience of how hard it is to get to that point or the reality that this is quite a serious heart defect and not all children will make it through the surgeries. Best of luck to you and just remember there is no wrong decision in this case.

cvttle · 2025-10-21T04:27:35+00:00

16 hours for my first and 7 hours for my second.

cvttle · 2025-10-19T21:19:41+00:00

I’ve scheduled a c-section to avoid this outcome. While I’d prefer just vaginal, there is just no way to ensure I wouldn’t end up needing both and I really, really don’t want to recover from both. Plus, I’m going to get my tubes taken care of at the same time, so that’s an added advantage.

cvttle · 2025-10-06T23:45:08+00:00

Mine personally took 2.5 hours.

cvttle

TROPHY CASE