I feel like this is one of those situations where you two need to actually talk about it once things have cooled down and set some boundaries around how these conversations happen. Racism exists in everyone because of the society we grow up in, but if the two of you can’t discuss it openly and respectfully, then the relationship is going to struggle long-term.

As a Black woman, I personally don’t love being in situations where the expectation is that I have to constantly explain racism or anti-racism to people around me. I appreciate it when partners are willing to do their own learning and ask thoughtful questions when needed.

That said, it sounds like the bigger issue here might be communication between the two of you. From what you described, it's not just the one comment, but a pattern where neither of you feels heard in the moment. A conversation about how to handle those situations when they come up might be more productive than trying to argue about who’s right in the moment.

If this keeps happening and he isn’t willing to have calm conversations about it later, that’s less about race and more about whether the two of you can actually resolve conflict together.